To be upset he has done nothing for my first mother’s day

[NeedingAGoodNap]

It Mother’s Day here in Australia. It’s my first Mother’s Day with our 9 month old dd. My partner has predictably done nothing for it. He has form for not doing this stuff (birthdays, Valentine’s Day) and I’m over it. I made it clear that I wanted something, that I was excited for my first one so he can’t blame ignorance.

Instead he got angry at our dd for ruining the morning because she was up most of the night crying. Apparently she has ruined Mother’s Day as his plan was to give me a sleep in.

Aibu? Just expecting to much?

No, you are not expecting too much.

He's seriously annoyed at a 9month old for crying? What he should have done is had her for the night so that you could get some rest.

It's an arbitrary commercial crock of shit. And you're not his mother.

Also, happy Mother's Day

he sounds like a right twat.

@Hilda40 it may be commercial but it's also an opportunity for people to make others feel a bit special. There's no need for an arsey comment.
I had my first baby in Feb and my DH went all out to make me feel special to mark my first Mother's Day and I'll do the same for him

Hilda40 not his mother, no, mother to HIS CHILD - is her role in to gestating, birthing and caring for HIS CHILD not worthy of some special treatment on one day a year, seeing as that is something she has made clear she would feel delighted by?

Kind hearted, loving, caring fathers like to make their wives happy. Mean, cold, selfish fathers can't be bothered.

@Hilda40

It's an arbitrary commercial crock of shit. And you're not his mother.

I know I’m not his mother but I organised things for his first Father’s Day even though we only had a 1 month old

He got angry at your 9 month old baby but your AIBU is about not getting a card/present today….?

@HintofVintagePink

He got angry at your 9 month old baby but your AIBU is about not getting a card/present today….?

Seriously?!

Yeah sorry for my arsey comment. But love and respect should be demonstrated every day not just at arbitrary anniversaries.

I actually do think the fact that it's an overcommercialised piece of nonsense is worth mentioning. You have to get it in perspective.

You know he doesn't value the same things as you, why do you expect that suddenly to change?

Separately, how does him getting angry at your baby manifest?

Call him out on it. Tell him it’s not about the gift it’s about thought and organising effort and listening to what you asked of him and you will now show him that behaviour back at some upcoming point to make it clear. Then put less effort into something you do from him/deliberately do the opposite to an instruction given. But only do it the once to make the point rather than stopping low.

Well getting angry at a 9 month old isn't great is it.

A baby.

I'm also more concerned that he is "getting angry" with a 9 month old for being up through the night which is totally natural behaviour for a baby and that he is blaming her for "ruining Mother's Day".

I'd be wary if he has a habit of passing the blame and not taking anyone's feelings into account.

Failing to see how pointing this out is even slightly worth a ‘seriously’.

OP’s concern is aimed in the wrong direction.

So if his plan was to let you sleep in, he takes the baby out in the pram and lets you sleep/relax. Maybe he could pick up something nice for brunch while he’s there. It’s not difficult FFS.

I’m in Australia too and my DH got up early to drive our DC to their sports game, which I usually do because he coaches our other DC in their sport so that takes up a few hours on the weekend. And he brought me a cup of tea in bed. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture, just something to make you feel cared for.

So don’t be a mug and go all out for Father’s Day.

You still could have got a sleep in by him getting up with the baby in the morning, how does baby being up through the night stop him from doing this?

Happy Mother’s Day, I’m sorry your DH is being a dick.

This same question gets asked every Mothers' Day (so several times a year with countries having them at different times).

It divides opinions into

• those who think the father of the child should treat the mother in some way
• those who think it is for children old enough to understand the concept to want to treat their mother when they re old enough to make that decision
• those who think it is just a money spinner for card making companies, florists and restaurants

You won't convince many to change teams
Personally, I'm in the middle group.

However, as others have said - you have bigger issues here. Who get angry at a small baby for having a bad night ?

He's just being a twat. Surely there's no reason why 'his present' still couldn't go ahead? More appreciated if you've been up with her all night surely so you could get the lie in? Or is he just that pathetic he can't even manage that if he's had a bit less sleep in the night. It is not the baby's fault he couldn't manage anything for Mother's Day.

DH did make Mother’s Day special when our DC were too young to do anything themselves but his behaviour the rest of the year is of more interest to me. You say he has form for missing making you feel special giving Valentines Day as an example. Both of these days are commercialised but does he spontaneously make an effort to make you feel special at other times? Did he do anything for your Birthday or Christmas? If the answer to all these is no I think you either accept it or leave.

You told him it mattered to you and he knowingly, willingly upset you by not giving a fuck.

I imagine if you were feeling loved and appreciated on a regular basis you wouldn’t care so much about special days, but even if you were there’s nothing at all wrong with expecting your partner to show affection in a way that means something to you. There’s a lot of competitive hate on MN about occasion days, irrelevant to how you feel about them.

Saying you’re over it, what exactly does that mean? No future effort for him on events or something more decisive?