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my dad is looking frail should i mention to my brother

7 replies

Morph2lcfc · 08/05/2021 22:03

i feel kinda scared as for the first time in last few days i noticed my dad looking slightly frail, he was round doing a job for me, he's always been a very handy around the house person. Dad mentioned he's been having a few health probs and is seeing the doc. I'm not sure if i should mention to my brother. He's in new zealand and was supposed to be visiting last year but couldn't due to covid, he still has his open ticket from when he cancelled but can't visit anyway. mum and dad split up when we were young so we were never as close to dad as mum, we had about 5 years as kids where we didn't see dad at all. I'm thinking if i mention db will at least make an effort to give dad a call on sykpe or something but i don't want to worry him unncecessarily when he can't visit

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Am I being unreasonable?


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Morph2lcfc · 08/05/2021 22:04

dad is 76 by the way

OP posts:

Shouldbedoing · 08/05/2021 22:05

I think I'd frame it as, 'Hey Bro, I hadn't seen Dad in a while and suddenly he's looking his age/old.' See where the conversation leads?


PermanentTemporary · 08/05/2021 22:06

I would. Gently, but yes I'd mention it.


Morph2lcfc · 08/05/2021 22:12

i see dad most weeks, although coivd has put a stop to it last few months, but he's been round last few weeks and sat in garden and had a coffee and i never really noticed. it was only cus he was doing a little household job for me, not particularly physical, but nevertheless i saw how it really took its toll. i think i will mention to my brother but asked him not to say anything specific to dad.

OP posts:

NanuNanuM · 08/05/2021 22:18

It is up to your brother what he does.

Recently my FIL became frail. We'd not zoomed, seen him for ages due to shielding. Only phone calls. If we'd have known we'd have acted differently.


Hiphopboppertybop99 · 08/05/2021 22:25

Was it the fact he was doing the household job that made you think he was frail, rather than when he was just round for coffee? Perhaps he's not up to DIY anymore ?


Saz12 · 08/05/2021 22:58

Mention it!!! Your dad is mid-70’s. It’s likely that your brother knows that means he’ll be feeling his age, have fewer “good years” left, etc.
So say “Dad cane round to put some shelves up and I’d never really appreciated his age before. But actually, now he really does look like a seventy-five-year-old. I feel kind of bad I let him do that DIY. I know he’s in pretty good health now, but he’d love to see you soon”.

People think their parents are immortal. They’re not.

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