To be a bit messy?

[SunflowerOwl]

DH and I have just had a bit of a row and he told me how much he hates that the house is a 'state' all the time.

But the thing is, I dont think the house is state at all! I could understand if there were dirty plates and cups everywhere, or rubbish, or piles of things stacked up but there isn't. Everywhere is usually pretty clean (which is a mission in itself as we have a spaniel who lives to get filthy), it's just I like to have 'things' around me in the house like books and nik naks whereas he just wants every surface clear and clutter free.

We have literally gotten nowhere trying to discuss it because we just seem to have completely different ideas of what a 'tip' looks like. By my standards the house is still a bit sparse!

However he seems to think hes completely in the right whereas I just think we are different and it's made me feel a bit pissed off if I'm honest!

Weve been together yonks but have only just moved into our current place, last house was very small so even I couldn't stand too much clutter.

So AIBU to think that I shouldn't be expected to keep the house pristine at all times? Does anyone actually do this?

Ours is

But it's personal taste. I find too much "stuff" stressful. Other people find it comforting.

I like all surfaces to be clear and stuff out away. Can't abide clutter

Your situation is like mine. We've had many words about our different approaches.

We've found a solution by having very clear areas where I can put things, and where must be empty. It makes our house look a bit weird, but it's fine!

I live in a home, not a showroom. It is tidy but there are a few bits that I would tidy away if we had friends round!

I don't think either of you are unreasonable. I think it is just personal preference. That being said i am like your husband, i feel much calmer when the house is neat and tidy and i don't work well with clutter. DH doesn't really seem clutter and doesn't care.

I like having things around me, but everything has its place. There's no "meaningless" clutter, IMO. We've gone (or attempted to go) minimal in the past, and when I look back at photos now, the rooms look very bare and cold.

The only place I like surfaces to be as clear as possible are the kitchen and bathroom.

I don't think the issue here is clutter vs no clutter.

It's that you recognise you have different perspectives whereas your husband is uncompromising, critical and 'expects' you to keep your home in a way that pleases him regardless of what you think.

Basically your opinion doesn't count, he won't discuss it and he expects you to live your life to his standards.

That is the problem

I hate clutter. Hate it. Dh doesn't mind. So his spaces he has it how he likes and the rest I keep decluttered. I'm a very much 'everything has its place' person. Compromise.