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... to think that most people have shared their fantasies with their DP/DH?

12 replies

MyMessageToYou · 08/05/2021 17:29

A thought triggers by another thread ... AIBU to think that most people have shared their sexual fantasies with their long term DP/DH at some stage?

YES: I have shared them with DP/DH
NO: I've never shared

I have shared, it just came up as part of discussions/exploration in early years of relationships. I was probably not 100% honest, but he gets the general idea. It was not meant as a suggestion, rather discussed as a fantasy.

Note: I'm not looking for details of fantasies, just wondering if you have shared or not.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

WaayyTooMuch · 08/05/2021 17:33

Yes, I've done that in the past. For me it came up as part of getting to know the person, what they like, etc. In my 2 cases it was several years into relationships, and it was interesting and fun discussion.

Then again my fantasies are fairly mainstream.


therocinante · 08/05/2021 17:36

Yep, the vanilla and the less so.

I think a huge problem lots of people have is being completely unable to communicate about sex. Understandable when some people have very anti-sex messaging from a young age, but it's your responsibility as an adult to work on this stuff - if you can't talk to your sexual partner openly about what you want and your needs & boundaries, you're doing yourself and your relationship a disservice.


2klightyears · 08/05/2021 17:38

I'm not totally sure I've voted the right way? But anyway I've had such conversations with DH over time, and with one or two longer term DPs. However, I'd not consider it a fantasy, more of discussion of "would X/Y/Z turn you on", etc. As previous poster said, it was related to getting to know the person, often a discussion started after a few drinks :)


kennelmaid · 08/05/2021 17:41

No. My fantasies are private and knowing my OH he'd react in a way that would make me feel stupid if I told him about them.


ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/05/2021 17:42

I’m no sure I’ve voted the right way either.

I’ve voted YABU - I’ve not shared.


TheMusicsOver · 08/05/2021 17:43

I think there is a difference for me between discussing things you'd like to do (I assume everyone does that) versus abstract pure fantasies and daydream type of stuff.

Thinking about it, I've even discussed some fantasies with girl friends, usually in a jokey way after too much wine.


Porcupineintherough · 08/05/2021 17:44

Not all of them. Some I share, some are just for me.


Happycat1212 · 08/05/2021 17:49

Nope I have not as I don’t actually want to do it irl and would worry about being judged etc (I’m single btw so not referring to my partner judging me but just in general)


DeeCeeCherry · 08/05/2021 18:00

I haven't. It's nothing to do with DP they're my fantasies to enjoy. & I do.


lookoutmama · 08/05/2021 18:27

It's an interesting question. From definition of fantasy: the faculty or activity of imagining impossible or improbable things

I think people are fairly careful about what they disclose to partners. For example, since reading a book as a teen, I've always had a fantasy of MMF, but I've never told DH that. But on the other hand I been able to play that out in my head, and simulate the sensations with DH and it's been great :) (two things happening at once IYSWIM)


HeartOfClass · 08/05/2021 18:33

I think it could be a very problematic area, if you are totally open. I've always had a fantasy being with someone with a large one Blush, but not had in real live, and my DH is normal but suits me just great. Like @lookoutmama I have ways to simulate it.

However, yes, I've shared stuff and had a lot of fun doing :)

But it's a complex topic. I can see many reasons why people would not share sexual fantasies, even with close partners.


OhGiveUp · 08/05/2021 18:54

If I told my husband my fantasies he would run screaming to the divorce courts after having me committed to psychiatric care!

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