To feel so alone at work. Gossips, back stabbing etc

[123abcyellowredblue]

Cant go into details but just feel so isolated. Need some practical ways of mentally dealing with it and psyching myself up to be able to carry on with my shifts.

I'm in work far less hours than the others. A core group gossip and slag me off. 2 ring leaders. One in particular tries to glean things from me and then twists it and repeats it back.

Other stuff like she'll try to draw me into a conversation about someone and I'm very bland with my responses but she'll still twist the truth when reporting back to people.

She also arranges social events with a few of the team and talks about it in front of me. I'm never invited. Just feel so v hurt.

Shes in 5 days per week. I'm far less.

Have been there v many years now.

I have an issue with rejection from my childhood, and although I try to hide it, it feels like I have a sign on my head saying "rejected goods".

Have also started some further training at work and they slate me about this, I'm sure too. I work hard and want to progress.

I treat others there well. Just feels lonely at the moment.

Hi @123abcyellowredblue

Your post made me cry...I totally understand how you feel as I felt that way for years on end and still struggle with it at times. I too had rejection through my childhood and it's left a scar. I'm so sorry you have to put up with this kind of behaviour, nobody should have to. Is there anyone supportive you can talk to confidentially in work? Don't feel rejected, even when some people treat you unkindly you are still worth it and you'll find others who will accept you. I do! Very big hugs 😘

Do you feel able to stand up for yourself like when she wants to talk just say no, sorry, I’m busy or id rather not talk about Lisa, because il ow you’ll just make up something I’ve said and use it to piss off others? I think I’d be getting a little more aggressive and standing up for yourself. As for the organising events out, you can’t make them (or want them to) include you, so just ignore their childish bollocks.

I have been bullied in a similar way and it is pretty unpleasant. One thing I did was join a voluntary group and made friends outside of the bad situation. The other thing I did was harden myself against the bullies so that I began to care less, realising that there was no way I wanted to be friends with them. Also, it may sound a bit woo, but when I am around them I wear a turquoise stone pendant - it is thought to deflect bad energy and bring positivity. Even if it does not do these things, wearing it reminds me to ignore them. Stay strong, they are people who may well never have true friends.

That sounds horrible OP. Can you practice some ' bright & breezy' stock phrases to change the subject when she's looking for amunition / stuff to twist? So, oh that's a nice top where did you get it? Or, crikey I forgot I need to ....( Insert appropriate thing) , I'd better crack on, what am I like?! From experience that helped me. I felt prepared, in control & not the victim. The person concerned drifted on to other people because they weren't getting past my 'wall'. It's great you are training too. That's pro active, not victim mentality at all: it could help you move on from a toxic workplace. Best of luck.

I've worked with people like this and it's so hard because they control the narrative. Bosses weren't interested or involved with this so there was no way to nip it in the bud.

If possible start making plans to get another job. Easier said than done in this climate but keep looking.

The best way i found of dealing with this short-term was to go 'Gray Rock' - it's a technique of becoming uninteresting to bullies/abusive people. Keep all talk neutral, don't offer opinions on colleagues, keep it polite, don't discuss your personal life with these people. Don't leave your phone, keys etc lying around, don't share mobile numbers/social media details.

Keep yourself physically fit, it helps to offset the stress. Work on staying in the moment rather than having this eat away at you. A good book, hobbies, mindfulness techniques might help.

When i left a couple of these workplaces, the bullies needed new targets and they turned on one another...how sad :)

Urgh. Nothing more mentally damaging than work environment like that. I'd start looking for something else. Would you be able to wear earphones at work and listen to an audio book?

What you describe seems bullying and/or harassment to me. Will your manager support you if you speak with her/him? Looking for another job is of course an option, but not an easy one, and even if you are successful in doing so, there is time until you move job.

You need to completely separate your work life from your personal life. People generally are unpleasant, or two faced. Ignore these colleagues, they are pathetic. Detach and focus on other areas of your life.

Thank you so much all. Lots of great advice

Thank you so much. V kind

I really feel for you, it is so incredibly unfair and shows the tormentors for what they are - twisted pathetic bullies! Can you speak to a manager about this?

If it is a toxic work culture in general perhaps find a new company that suits your values and personality more.

Pity them. Their lives must be incredibly dull if they feel the need to make someone feel bad about themselves
People like this make me sick.
Can you speak to someone about it /are you in a union? It's so unfair

I'm wondering if you work in care. It sounds very much like the nursing home I worked in. I don't think you will change toxic people like this. You don't fit in because you're nice. Maybe think about applying for a job somewhere else. In the meantime build up your resilience through exercise and relaxation. And try and join a group or something to make friends outside work. It's a horrible position to be in.

It sounds awful and you sound like a great woman.

Focus on getting on.

Yes, it is a toxic culture. Don't feel it'll be taken seriously tbh. Difficult to prove. Also things like ignoring me, leaving me out, bad mouthing me or v occasional making comments about my hair or size etc etc.

Useful pointers on here. Thank you

I've been there. I was emotionally abused and gaslighted by two coworkers to the point I was having panic attacks before shifts. I was constantly getting texts, being told I was bad at my job, nasty notes left, refusing to speak to me on shift. Really childish playground stuff, but it wore me down so much.
In the end I reported it. However as they were friends with the team leader, nothing was ever done and after I reported them, they made a false accusation about me hitting a client. It was the worst time of my life, and I almost didn't survive it.

In hindsight, I wish I'd reported it earlier, or at the very least started a diary of incidents so I had evidence. Join a union and start making notes of dates, times, comments. If you decide to speak to your manager about your treatment, make sure you email them to leave a paper trail. I spoke to my manager face to face and then she denied I'd actually spoken to her.

Feel free to message me if you need any support. ❤