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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I a shit partner?

1 reply

youngandbroken · 08/05/2021 10:15

I feel like I am going insane. Me and my partner are having an argument that I did start, I didn't mean to start it but it was my fault. I told him that the house is a state and I was fed up because he's never here. He is always at work, or helping his family and friends, or doing work mates favours, and I know he is being helpful and I did say I know he's being helpful but sometimes I need him here. I told him I was alone 99% of the time which is true and we have 2 young children and I'm having some health problems at the moment that is making me irritable because I'm in pain and can't do things I used to be able to do. But I tried to explain that it's hard being on my own and I just want some support because I can't do everything. I don't know what's wrong with me I know single parents have to do everything and they cope but I can't I'm obviously just a rubbish mum really. But anyway my partner has gone mad at me, he says I need to ask for things more. So I need to ask for help with the flat and to spend time with him and help with the children, but I'm sure I have asked before and it's always 'I'll do it in a while" and it never happens anyway. He says I just don't ask though but now he has broken down in tears saying that he can't cope anymore because I just expect him to know what I want and that I' m a bad partner and I think maybe I am. Everytime I bring up something that I am upset about it always ends up being my fault, I have BPD and maybe I'm not behaving normally. Am I unreasonable to want more support at home - and to be upset about it? Does anyone have any tips on how to balance childcare, housework, part time job and everything else without having a complete mental breakdown because I feel a bit useless at the moment?

OP posts:
MyCatIsADentist · 08/05/2021 10:34

You aren’t a bad partner. You shouldn’t have to tell him what needs done. He lives at home too - it is not beyond the gift of most people to be able to tell for themselves what chores need done etc. He’s expecting you to bear the mental load of keeping track of what needs done, and framing his contributions as him ‘helping’ you when it’s actually equally his responsibility.

He is being a bad partner, not you! Point out to him that you’re neither his boss nor his mother, and it’s not your job to tell him the bins need taking out like he can’t work that out for himself.

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