to think that a nurse could have the decency to go and let my dad know that I was there instead of making me wait??

You sound like you had a hell of a night.

How is your mum?

No YANBU the nurse should have told your dad that you were waiting.

I don't think you are. At the risk of pee-ing anyone off, just because someone is a nurse doesn't necessarily make them kind, conscientious or empathetic (if that's a word). Many of them are Bill Oddie marvellous, but some think wearing the uniform is enough to make them a saint. Hope your mum's ok

poor you in your condition too - agree your relatives should have been told you were outside.

hope your mum is feeling better soon x

Awful. I work in a hospital and know it's only due to my previous bad experiences as a patient that make me very aware of visitors needs.

For example,I often see visitors standing with bunches of flowers looking lost and I'm always rushing off to get them vases.

When I was discharged after a bad time, my husband commented that the best nurses were the one in the burgundy uniforms..I almost wept, they were the domestic cleaners.

I found that the night staff were worse than the day staff. An inpatient ward at 1.30am in the morning would not have been mad busy and there's no excuse for her not doing what you asked her to.

I hate to hear about people's experiences such as this. There'll be a complaint procedure at the hospital and I'd fill in one of the forms if I were you..they have to act on it if you do and it'll at least make them more attentive to visitors.

SK

GoodGolly YANBU, the nurse should definately have let your family know that you had arrived.
Hope ur mum feels better soon. Think you handled it admirably. I'm a nurse and I do the job for money, not becasue I'm a saint. However, I always try to ensure that I treat patients and relatives as I would like to be treated myself. I am certainly not making excuses for the nurse but just to add a different perpective: it may be that the nurse did not deliberately ignore your arrival and set out to make you as uncomfortable and stressed as poss, but that she simply got caught up doing sopmething else like answering a call bell, taking someone the commode, arranging tests for your mum, chasing the junior doctor on for the ward to come and prescribe medications or fill in xray request cards. I don't necessarily agree with SK that the ward would not have been busy at that time of night. IME admissions wards can be as busy at night as during the day but with less nursing staff about. It is likely that there were not as many nurses on duty as there should have been because this governement doesn't think we need nurses anymore and the nursing profession can't stick together to oppose the conditions many nurses work under. The nurse may have been junior/inexperienced and in charge of the ward becasue this saves money too. Whatever the reason I agree with SK that you should give some feedback to the hospital. I would wholeheartedly recommend seeking out the ward manager when you go for visiting this afternoon and telling her what happened. She can speak informally to the nurse concerned who may be mortified when she realises what happened. If you don;t feel satisfied by the response you get from the ward manager, then take the formal route. HTH's. Let us know how you get on!

Hi again,

I was on a surgical ward which I suspect are by their nature quiet at nights. Don't know anything about admission wards, so thanks for that mummyofgirls.

SK

I don't know, as I, and presumably you, don't know what else was happening on the ward. It may well have been quiet or it may have been frantically busy with someone, haemmorrhaging, screaming in pain or dying.

I do understand your frustration and am sorry you've had such a rotten time. Hope your mum gets better soon.

GG - didn't think for one minute you were slating nurses x There are good nurses and crap nurses just like any profession and a smile costs nothing even if you want to wallop that particular reli! Don't feel too sympathetic towards us either, we are our own worst enemies most of the time as we don't stick together to secure bestter pay and conditions and always cope somehow when another reasource is reduced! Good to hear that your mum is brighter this morning.

Glad to hear she's better.
I agree with mummyofgirls to have a quiet word with the Ward Manager (I'm one). She will be in a position to know what was happening on the ward last night and will be able to speak to the nurse concerned if there was no reason to keep you waiting.

You wouldn't automatically get her into trouble. If it was a one off which had never happened before the Ward Manager would probably do nothing. If, however, this was one of those nurses who doesn't give a damm (sadly, they do exist)they'll probably be really grateful for a relative letting them know what is happening. I know I would be.

You do whatever is right for you. Glad to hear that talking about it has helped.

All the best!

it might be worth still ahving a word with the ward manager though ,because if the ward was understaffed on that paticular night,they can then go to their supperiors saying staffing levels are causing complaints ,so you could well be doing them a favour . Glad to hear your mum is better .

Sorry to hear about your awful night last night GoodGooly, hope your mum feels better soon.

I think you are right to feel peeved about the response from the nurse on duty last night but as a former ward sister myself I have probably been guilty of similar crimes .

Although it is wrong relatives sadly do not become no 1 priority on a busy night shift I am sorry to say, just like vases during the day although to leave you waiting for so long is quite unacceptable, but what was she doing during this time....I guess you'll never know.

Those that said that night shifts are quieter than days are sadly wrong (although sometimes it can be the case). I always found that at night the support was not there, you are relying on minimal staff and on call doctors covering everyones patients. An admissions unit is particularily busy (not my forte thankfully).

I think composing a short letter is probably the best way forward if you feel so aggrieved. In fact I would fetch a pen and paper to anyone who complained of their standard of care because of short staffing and beg them write. If it's not on paper then "the men in suits" don't acknowledge it happened and my job gets no better.

My days of nursing have been on hold for the last 4 years while my children are so young but I do intend to return and as a mother I think my approach in some areas would be a little different. There's alot about nursing that you can't learn from any medical text book...just a little life experience.

Goodgooly!!!! Sorry GoodGolly

As nurse myself I can tell you that telling someone that so and so visitor is here is the last thing on the priority list. It sucks and it's horrible but that is the way it is. They are so overwhelmed and have so much to focus on with too many patients. This doesn't meant that she didn't care. The only way to survive a shift and get out of there without killing anyone is to filter all the little things out these days. That includes your own needs to eat, drink, use the loo, check on kids etc. If something isn't a life or death problem, and doesn't have the potential to be a life and death problem than it is a little thing unfortunetly.

You have to weigh everything that is happening not on it's own but in comparison with everything else that is going on. You would be surprised at how dangerous it can get up there when you start thinking about visitors needs as well. It's sad but true.

That being said that if it was an easy day I would have been straight in to tell him you were there (as a nurse) but on a normal day I wouldn't even be able to get so far as too let that kind of stuff cross my mind.

Nurses go to their unions, the nmc, their managers etc with complaints about the wards being staffed to dangerous levels quite frequently. Nothing changes.

GG - I don't think anyone thinks you are slating the nurse, don't worry. The 'men in suits' as you called them are not listen to us - I am also a ward manager! Please, please write or tell the ward manager about your experience - McDreamy is right, it's the only way to make them listen x