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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to not want to date a really gorgeous guy

35 replies

Bbub · 07/05/2021 22:27

OK so by gorgeous I mean a typical hot guy, obviously not everyone's cup of tea but you could say mass appeal... Tall, chiseled, done modelling, I just know he woke up that gorgeous.

Im chatting to a guy who I just feel is too good looking and I feel ridiculous for it, but it's making me be not as attacted to him as my initial "phwoar" reaction 🥴

I don't want to be the one who's got someone out of their league.. I prefer to be the good looking one in a pairing. Yes I know that sounds really shallow.

But does anyone else know what I'm talking about?

YABU stop being pathetic
YANBU it's not just you

OP posts:
howsicklyarsekissy · 07/05/2021 22:46

It depends how good looking you are and how secure. I would personally Rather date someone reasonable average attractive like me. I wouldn't want to feel that people were saying I was punching & I would like to feel I was the prize and equally attractive to my partner. Are you equally attractive or is he much better looking? If your really secure I guess it doesn't matter, but I couldn't.

Bbub · 07/05/2021 22:47

@zednotzee So true that they are transactional in loads of ways... It does definitely give you the upper hand.

@emeraldshamrock he seems pretty normal so far, there is some potential there, but I might feel pressure to be uber gorgeous all the time as like I say he's the type that totally woke up looking amazing..

OP posts:
tropicalwaterdiver · 07/05/2021 22:48

You are over thinking. Get a date and meet him and then decide.

Bbub · 07/05/2021 22:51

@zednotzee oh god yes me too, I want to be adored totally and my average ex made me feel like a million dollars, I can't see this guy fawning over how beautiful I am even tho he is really complimentary

To answer another poster we could look equal but my part would take a lot of effort to keep it up. And I'm not very secure no, I was a proper ugly duckling so am quite self conscious!

It's not sounding too great the more I talk about it. But Im glad it's not just me that gets it

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hamstersarse · 07/05/2021 22:56

I will just add that my DS18 is extremely good looking and I see this from a different perspective now. He has all the same foibles as any other man. He isn't even aware of how good looking he is.

It isn't always the case that good looking men have some superior feeling, same with many good looking women

If you fancy him and he is a good guy, just bloody go for it

LadyLolaRuben · 07/05/2021 22:56

Its a pain in the ass. Theres always women flirting and sending them messages. Been there, done it and never again

howsicklyarsekissy · 07/05/2021 23:03

Agree with above poster & after what you replied if it were me Naw I wouldn't bother. Go for someone who adores you & feel like that are punching every time.

StormBaby · 07/05/2021 23:04

My DH is good looking(think a tall, broad shouldered Kit Harrington) and women and gay men throw themselves at him. He’s completely clueless and thinks he’s a minger and punching with me(definitely not!). It’s a good job I can hold my own, I’m not shy and am very confident. I’d not stand a chance otherwise. 🤣

RightYesButNo · 07/05/2021 23:11

Wow. I can’t exactly believe this, nor can I get my head around the fact that so far, a majority agree (as of this point, the vote was 70% YANBU).

I mean, relationships are difficult. Finding someone you’re truly compatible with is hard. You could find someone that makes you feel great, has a laugh with you, meets your emotional needs, cares about what you have to say, doesn’t appear to be abusive or controlling or otherwise a bad bet (so far), and you’d strike him off because he’s... too attractive? Yeah, sounds a great plan, that. Likewise those who say they wouldn’t even give someone who is “too” attractive a chance. I mean, when I was dating, I admit I had some definite deal breakers but, “Sorry, mate, but your face doesn’t look enough like a slapped arse so I can always guarantee I’ll be the more attractive one,” wasn’t one of them Confused

So let’s say you make this decision to always end up the most attractive one in your relationships. And then, God forbid and I’m knocking on wood, something happens, and you end up with very severe facial disfigurements. I hate to break to it to you, but the gorgeous bloke might be the one who stays and still tells you that you’re beautiful every day after that, whereas the “handsome but average” bloke you were sure was safe will decide he can’t handle it.

How do I know? I’m living it. I did OLD way back in the dinosaur days and used a service that chose who to match you with, as opposed to just letting you choose for yourself. When I first saw my DH, I may have thought the same as you did... then gave my head a wobble. Yes, other women do find him attractive, but they’ve never been disrespectful to me. He and I did find it a bit funny, though, that neither of us are jewelry people, but we decided to get him a wedding ring after a year or so, because it helped stop women who would start up a conversation with the intention of asking him to coffee and then be either mortified or think he was lying when he said he was married. (I’ve heard the tales that a wedding ring is a ‘come on’ for some women, but we’ve not had any issues since). But I’m living ALL of the scenario I mentioned. I got extremely sick, and our life has not worked out as we planned. My body is definitely not as attractive as it was when we got together, and while I hope that I may get back there, the truth is, I may not. I really think every average to average-attractive man I dated before him would have run for the hills screaming left long before now.

So if you haven’t started dating yet, and you haven’t gotten that close, I suppose it’s your choice. But if he’s promising in every other way, I think it’s terribly short-sighted to bin someone off for this reason. Of course, it also means by your logic, that all the men you’re fine with dating should refuse to date you, because they want to be the more attractive one in the relationship Grin

Bbub · 07/05/2021 23:27

The responses are so interesting..

I have to share though that he's always sending selfies and asking for ones of me which I usually say no to as I'm not usually in the mood, also WFH in pj's most of the time. But today I sent one as a "surprise" as I deliberately wasn't done up as I wanted to lower his expectations

And he was like wow I love how with you there's no falesness which I half took to mean he appreciates the natural look and half like you know when someone dresses really crazy, and people are like "ooh good for you, you don't give a fuck what people think do you" 😂

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