I had a pretty normal childhood. Older brother, married parents. They argued a lot, after 20 years of marriage to my DM, he walked out when I was 15.
He wasnt really physically violent but there were a couple of hands over mouths, smacking us as kids etc. It was more emotionally abusive and often used me and my brother as pawns against my DM. He used to treat us very nicely and buy us things and would always want us to “back him up” against DM in arguments.
As we got older, my brother kept out of it and left home at 17. I started to see red flags around 13 and began actively defending my DM. It was rough and he blames me for the reason that he left because “I didn’t want him there anymore”. I never once said that, he just believed he lost his power over me and therefore us as a family.
A few months before he walked out, I went onto his laptop and saw that he was speaking to numerous women on OLD. When questioned, he thought he had right because he was no longer wanted and gave us the classic “you won’t find anyone as good as me” talk.
Parents are now divorced.
A year or so later, he invited me and my brother to go on a day trip with him and his new woman. I agreed to because at the time I still loved my father and felt like I could still have a relationship with him. Then after that, we exchanged a few texts and I went over to his house a couple of times. DM didn’t like it at all and thought I came home a different person, though I didn’t notice. I thought he seemed nicer when actually it soon turned into bringing up the past and bashing DM and trying to dictate how I should pursue my life. He got into a text argument over a disagreement about me not wanting to go to university and said I’d turned into my mother and that would be the last contact.
A few months later, he invited both me and my DM out to the nearby woodland park (just him) to “clear a lot of things up” it started off okay but then quickly got into a big hour long argument in the middle of the woods where he claimed he wanted my DM but not the children. To which I said that I wish he wasn’t my father. He called me a c and a viper tongue b*.
Needless to say. Had no contact since. It has been 10 years.
I’m approaching my 30s, not married and no children. Part of me wants him to be involved in my life for these moments when they happen.
Should I maybe attempt to reconcile? Or is this just a bad idea and wishful thinking that he might have changed?