Will she ever meet anyone?

[MiriamMargo]

I get so worried about my adult daughter, she is almost 33yrs, old has a 2yr old daughter, no father on the scene, and she has never had a proper relationship. I get so sad that I think she will be on her own forever, without anyone to share her live. She doesn't have a massive circle of friends either and hardly ever goes out, she does work part time. She is not unattractive, she is what I describe as just a normal woman.

Hmmmm. Sometimes some background helps, so I did an advanced search. Now I’m
not calling troll because your daughter and grandchild’s ages don’t match this post, I change my details all the time! But in this case, I do think it makes a material difference. If the child is the age from your previous post mentioning them, then I’m not surprised her mum hasn’t been out all the time recently!

*09/09/2020 15:50 MiriamMargo

I think this has to be your decision, my daughter is 28yrs old, still lives with us and has a 3mnth old baby with no partner. Its wonderful. You shouldn't let any of them push you into something you dont want, if you decide to abort against your instincts, you will regret it and it will live with you forever. Keep your baby if thats what you want, and tell them they can either support you or not, you can do this*

So the baby isn’t two, more like 1 and she’s only 28?! Yeh that changes the whole thing then and you are being even more unreasonable, why do you want your 28/29 year old Daughter with a one year old BABY to meet a new bloke?!

2 year old DD! Maybe she's happy just being a mum
Personally I have a almost 4 year old and I am pregnant I do have a husband but if for any reason he were to leave me I certainly would not be interested in dating anyone I would just focus on my children and making sure our life was fun and secure

You don't need to have a man in your life and alot if people are not interested in having loads of mates and would just rather be on their own and still be perfectly happy

Leave her alone, I'm sure she does not want your pity.
Just because you wouldn't be happy with her life and choices does not mean that she isn't.

Maybe she’s happy to remain single?! Why the assumption that your daughter can only be happy in a relationship? Why the assumption she needs validation by having a partner? I really find this infuriating, it’s none of your business whether your adult daughter is in a relationship or not. It’s perfectly possible to be happy and single. Trust me.

Has it ever crossed your mind that she may not want to meet someone?

She has a child who she is raising, presumably quite effectively on her own. If she were to bring another partner into the mix she would need to be very careful that he was right or risk compromising her relationship with the child.

Would you rather she settled for any person just so she can keep up with convention, without any thought of the consequences for her child?

If you place adherence to social norms above the wellbeing of your daughter and child it's probably best for all concerned if you keep your nose out of her business and leave her to raise her child as she sees fit.

I understand you’d like your daughter to meet someone nice - who wouldn’t? But you turning it intro The Great Tragedy of All Time most likely makes you a PITA as a mother. Even if she never meets anyone (unlikely if she wants to) her life can be as rich and meaningful as anyone else’s.

If you want to offer support if she wants it, then I imagine some baby sitting (or cash to help with childcare) might be good. Try and gently find out what she’d like without imposing your views on her - it should be more important to her right now to get her income up, buy a property and get a pension (assuming she doesn’t have one yet) since men don’t automatically provide that for you, even if you’d like them to.

You sound like my mum. I raised DD alone for 13 years with not a man in sight. I was perfectly happy during those years but my mum felt as if I was somehow still her responsibility because I wasn't married (I wasn't at all)
When I eventually did meet someone she acted as if it was some kind of achievement. Very weird.

Unless you know for a FACT that she wants to meet someone, just leave her alone to get on with it. She's fine.

I've been single for five years and am absolutely not looking for a relationship. I'd be pretty pissed off if I thought someone pitied me for being genuinely very happy with my life the way it is!

God you’d be tearing your hair out about me!

42, two kids, and no man on the scene! Whatever shall we do?

I wonder if my mum would ever post something like this? I've been on my own with my DS for ages he's 11 now and in all that time there are hardly any worthwhile relationships to mention either. I think a lot was to do with focusing on my DS. Her DD is still very little but I think could be nice to offer to babysit on the odd occasion so she can keep up a social circle. I would have been very grateful of this as my parents were abroad and no involvement from DS's delightful dad! It is also whether she is wanting a partner, i can honestly say for right now i'm quite content at 34 with my DS and my dog. Open to meeting someone but not at all my focus life can be lived on your own very happily!

Is this a joke?
Maybe she's happy as she is.
Is this just your concern or does she wonder these things herself?

@MiriamMargo I know you mean well (probably,) and you have had a hard time on this thread, but you must know YABU.

As has been said, not every woman NEEDS to be with a man.

Some women are happy without a man!

If it was a son/a man, (without a woman!) would you be thinking the same?

I doubt it.

@Happycat1212

*09/09/2020 15:50 MiriamMargo

I think this has to be your decision, my daughter is 28yrs old, still lives with us and has a 3mnth old baby with no partner. Its wonderful. You shouldn't let any of them push you into something you dont want, if you decide to abort against your instincts, you will regret it and it will live with you forever. Keep your baby if thats what you want, and tell them they can either support you or not, you can do this*

So the baby isn’t two, more like 1 and she’s only 28?! Yeh that changes the whole thing then and you are being even more unreasonable, why do you want your 28/29 year old Daughter with a one year old BABY to meet a new bloke?!

Ooh, I thought I could smell shite...

The 'normal woman' broke my heart a bit. Maybe start by telling her she's great.

@Corncorncorn

The 'normal woman' broke my heart a bit. Maybe start by telling her she's great.

Quite. 'Not unattractive', 'normal woman'. Doesn't sound as if you particularly help her self-esteem if she senses that's how you feel about her.

This has to be bait.

You don't need a man to be happy? Never will my life revolve around having a man. Maybe your daughter is the same. As long as she is happy no problem

Oh God, my mum was like this when I split up from my no longer very D H. Maybe it's a generational thing to believe that no woman can be content without a man in her life? (Or even a woman) She just couldn't believe that I was happier by myself.

I'm 3+ years single now and can't imagine ever being in a relationship that's more than FWB again.

Your DD sounds sensible. She has a 2yo. Focusing her efforts on her child at this point rather than running around with men is a good thing surely?

@Tribblers exactly this !

The way my mum goes on you’d think I was a super model 😂

Perhaps if there is an issuer there with confidence maybe you need to look a little closer to home for why that could be OP

However maybe she just likes being single and with a young toddler it’s pretty sensible to be honest

Be honest are you ashamed of her being a single mother? If so then that’s absolutely shocking.

All you need to know is if she’s happy...surely that is what a parent would want for their child?!