Time to leave?

[Littlestlily]

A bit of back story, been together 17 years, children, good times and bad etc.
Now I find myself asking the question, when is enough, enough?
OH always has been affected by alcohol, many important occasions have been spoiled by him getting too drunk and becoming obnoxious, our daughters christening, my fathers 80th birthday, parents wedding anniversary and on and on:
I find that I’ve always forgiven him for these situations, but my love for him lessened, although we still had decent conversations and enjoyed time together:
He started a new job about 12 months ago, working with a group of very laddy men, since then, his conversation is shouty, full of swear words, his opinions seem to have no basis and he regularly drives after drinking, I feel so bored and sick of his blokeish, uninformed behaviour:
My question is , when is enough, enough? Does marriage and children mean we must stay with a person who is unrecognisable from the person we married? Is it better to stay together for the children?
I have no idea which way to turn. I sat with him tonight, he drank wine and gin and yet again got angry for no reason, I’m so sick of it.

He sounds like a prick. Think you know what you need to do x

I've not voted because I don't think it is easy to choose. I spent many years in addiction work, helping alcoholics, drug users and their families cope.
My questions are complex.

Do you love him?
Will he listen to you when he is sober?
Will he think about getting help? (That might be from your or others)
Would he be able to get another job on the same salary with a different culture?

Mate id leave, he doesnt want to change, he wants to go the other wau

Leave

Sorry but no one is worth this nonsense

He sounds AWFUL

I would draw the line because this isn't what you signed up for. It's not much of a life for you, and not a healthy example for the children. You sound like you've lost all respect for him and l can understand why, he is a massive liability. How would he like it if the shoe was on the other foot ?
His drinking and loutish immature behaviour is having a terrible effect on your marriage and family life, you deserve better. I would seriously be thinking of making a fresh start.

I've never met him and I want to leave him. Sounds like your life (and the children's if they still live with you) would be better without him so there's your answer.

Thanks @Paul72 for the good questions, I did love him very very much, this is something I’m not sure of now.
when he spends time with the children, listening to them without getting irritated and having fun with them, I think that I could love him the same again,
When he’s shouty , talking over me, irritable , ranting on about some topic or imagined slight, like @Moonface123 said, I feel that I’ve lost respect for him, especially because of the drinking and driving, which disgusts me.
Even when sober he won’t accept his drinking is an issue, I assume because he doesn’t drink every day, he thinks it’s controlled, he becomes nasty when he does drink though, (not violent) finding offense in anything I say.
As he believes it’s everyone else who’s in the wrong, in his mind he only gets angry, irritable and shouty because we’re all so annoying, he won’t get any help, I’ve suggested counselling, he refuses.
He could in theory get another job, it’s something I might broach with him, As he really loves his job though, I’m not hopeful he would.
Thank you all for taking time to respond .

YABU to stay with him op.

He drinks to the point he shouts and swears at you - he's not violent YET. This will come.

He also drives drunk. This is a deal breaker for me.

Do you want your dc growing up thinking this is acceptable?

When is enough enough?

I'd say when the thought of a different life away from him is more appealing than the thought of staying.

It's less damaging for children to have separated parents than to be in the company of a drunk who endangers lives.

I'd report him for drunk driving too.

He could in theory get another job, it’s something I might broach with him

^^stop trying to chanfe him amd make things betrer for him. You arent his mum and it isn't going to work. Split now and start healing. You already sound too knocked down to leave, you wont feel stronger than you do today. The longer you stay the harder it will be. And you and your kids deserve better.

Im honestly not trying to be nasty but ive read so many posts on mumsnet where i can tell from the other side of a screen that the OP won't leave and honestly, if i can tell that then so can your husbands so what incentive do they have yo treat you better?

Of course they should want to anyway but clearly they dont and wont change because there is no consequence to their behaviour