Manager vs Family

[Namechange9101]

I'm not sure where to start but would be interested to hear from others who have hospitality manager Dh/Dp.

The hours are long crappy and hard, I know this.

I don't know if I'm therefore being unreasonable in what to expect?
DH works 6 days a week anything from 13-16hr ( 16 in summer) days .

We have 3Dc.
I work 15 hrs a week mon- fri and am able to pick up DC from school.( I Was a SAHM for 2yrs prior to working from Jan)
I do all the house work and caring for the DC.
DH is'nt home for any of it really ,He leaves by 9am. He has 1 day a week off,only helps around house if asked , we do go to the park/beach/enjoy a day at home on this day off with him.
The DC see him v.v briefly Am( When he says goodbye to them Am) I see him when he gets home, usually not for long before I go to bed.
He works very hard and I appreciate this, he is always exhausted ofcourse.
This year, for his sector and his buisness , it has been incredibly awful amd worrying and now a lot of catch up is to be had!
Will add His hrs were same before covid though too.

I feel there is no family life balance though.
DH has said he will figure out something to be at home a little bit more , maybe a few hrs one morning. But its the same every year with this debate- no family balance.

I have zero time to myself- I could If I asked family to babysit , but I'd feel guilty asking.

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable? or If I should just suck it up?

Surely he’s working over the limit for hours, which is illegal?

My dh recently got admitted to hospital with chest pains which turned out to be a panic attack due to the work and stress of his job and the extra that's been put on them all during the last year.

He was working 70 plus hrs some weeks.
He missed so much at home it's unreal.

After his hospital stint he had a week off and realised the balance has been so out that he handed his notice in and used the holiday pay owed covered him while he found another job.

Luckily he is in an industry where they are very needed so could negotiate a salary like before but with half the hours and it's made such a huge difference to our lives it's mad.

Your dh will most definitely be aware that he needs to find a balance but when the financial responsibility is on their shoulders it's very stressful

Tread slowly and carefully with him op and maybe encourage him to look for other work.

He may gain more confidence then

Its his own buisness and unfortunately, he won't go into anything else.

Putting Covid aside, is it a lucrative business normally and worth the pain, or are you suffering and still scrimping?

No advice but just wanted to sympathise. I also have three kids and my partner works in a children's home. His time off is when the kids at work are at school - so of course so are ours! It does feel like I do all the morning and evening bath time etc by myself.
One thing we do is try to make his day's off special. He tries to have a weekend day as his day off atleast once a month so we plan a day out to the park or beach etc. Weekday days if he's off he will bath the kids and join in with everything which is great. Really makes a difference.

@SunIsComing

Surely he’s working over the limit for hours, which is illegal?

You're usually asked to sign/opt out of the working time thing, at least you were when I worked in hospitality, 40 hours a week was "part time" and if a fellow manager was off, AFDs (all fucking day) for the duration was the norm especially when you lived on site, beer deliveries at 6am working right through til midnight most days.

@Namechange9101

Its his own buisness and unfortunately, he won't go into anything else.

Cross posts, then for now you might need to ask for help from others, it's been a tough year for hospitality and if your husband can come out the other side still trading then he's doing well.

It's a difficult one but presumably his business (covid impact aside) enables you to only work 15 hours per week?

Presumably covid has also had a huge financial and stressful impact on him.....as the main earner for the entire family.....I'm the main earner and I can tell you that the responsibility of financially carrying my entire family can be very stressful..... I can't imagine working in an industry decimated by covid as your husbands has been as well to add to the pressure

So for that reason I'm going to say YABU

Can you afford to buy in help?

For me this is not the relationship I’d want. My DH could earn a lot more but we’d pay in his time significantly.

I’d rather be comfy and have him home than very comfy but never see him or have support.

@SunIsComing

Putting Covid aside, is it a lucrative business normally and worth the pain, or are you suffering and still scrimping?

Scrimping. There is v.little reward in this industry I feel and its still in the first 3yrs. Ive no doubt how well he will do eventually though, its just going to be some more tough years ahead.

Andi-
From sept- I will be working 25hrs a week- As youngest goes to school.
This will still enable me to be back in time for school pick up, in that respect I am fortunate .

Might add, I don't work in his buisness at all.

What has he been doing through lockdowns etc as I'm guessing he couldn't continue to work?

If it's his own business it's on his hands surely?

@andivfmakes3

What has he been doing through lockdowns etc as I'm guessing he couldn't continue to work?

Take aways and delivery after 1st lockdown (Busier than if able to eat in too!)

It really sounds like he's working as hard as he can

To be honest I'd cut him some slack - if you can afford it get a cleaner or ironing person or gardener to free up a bit of time for yourself if that's what you feel you really need or ask family to take the kids for a couple of hours. You said his business is only 3 years old and 2 years of that you were a STAHM and so his was the only income and then he's had covid to deal with too.