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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How do I tell someone I’m just not that into them anymore?

18 replies

Heytheremrsblue · 06/05/2021 13:50

It’s not an AIBU , but I’ve been seeing someone for about 7 months, I’ve never really had to do this before, but I just don’t feel the same about them now.
The problem is he’s really into me and I think he’s going to be really upset and hurt.
I really don’t want to upset him. I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:

Lockheart · 06/05/2021 13:52

"I'm sorry but this isn't working for me anymore" should cover it.

They're going to be upset OP, there's nothing you can do about that.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 06/05/2021 13:59

He will be hurt, but sticking around out of guilt and dumping him further down the line will hurt even more.

In all honesty I would probably text him (probably not the best thing to do, but I would struggle to do it face to face) and say that over the last month or so your feelings have changed and you dont feel this relationship is the right fit for you anymore, wish him all the best, and then don't engage in any further conversation about blame/feelings and don't apologise either.

PriestessofPing · 06/05/2021 14:10

Think about it this way - if you care about his well-being then surely it’s better to break up with him so he has a chance of being with someone who feels themselves light up when he is around. Staying with him when you don’t feel it is actually still hurting him because he isn’t with someone who really loves him.

Taikoo · 06/05/2021 14:37

Oh god - don't text him.
You've been dating for 7 mothns so it should be a face to face meeting.
Keep it short.
Then goodbye. You owe him nowt.

skirk64 · 06/05/2021 14:45

Don't text him. Have the guts to tell him to his face. If he asks why, tell him your reasons. But texting a breakup if you're over 12 years old is cruel.

Zealois · 06/05/2021 15:03

Ugh, yeah please don't text him. I had someone do that to me. I was a bit upset over the break up, but it was the manner in which he did it that actually upset me. At the very least it needs to be a phonecall.

Just be honest and tell him what you told us - it's not working for you anymore and it would be best to go your separate ways now. I would recommend not saying things like "I've been thinking about this for a while" etc as it definitely hurts more/is embarrassing to think you've been happy with someone for the last few months and they were feeling differently.

Allwokedup · 06/05/2021 15:19

Phone call or face to face but don’t feel you owe him endless meeting up. Just explain how you feel. It’s worse to stay out of obligation.

Original poster

Heytheremrsblue · 06/05/2021 15:23

The main problem which I didn’t mention in the original post is that we are long distance, so doing it face to face is going to be difficult, as we only see each other every couple of weeks.

OP posts:

MonkeyNotOrgangrinder · 06/05/2021 15:26

I'd rather someone texted me or phoned me then they wouldn't see me if I was upset. Is that weird??

randomer · 06/05/2021 15:28

Could you sort of lay the ground with a text and then do meet up.

Lou98 · 06/05/2021 15:30

@Heytheremrsblue

The main problem which I didn’t mention in the original post is that we are long distance, so doing it face to face is going to be difficult, as we only see each other every couple of weeks.

FaceTime? Video call? If not, a phone call?

I think after 7 months it's a bit shitty to finish it by text to be honest but there is other options (as above) if you can't get to see him face to face.

sophiasnail · 06/05/2021 15:30

I think I would rather find out by text or email.... give me time to process before replying.

MoxFulder · 06/05/2021 15:35

@MonkeyNotOrgangrinder

I'd rather someone texted me or phoned me then they wouldn't see me if I was upset. Is that weird??

Me too, I'd much rather a text or email.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 06/05/2021 15:37

I would definitely prefer a text too. As I say, maybe not the way others would do it, but I would do it that way, and I would prefer to receive the news that way too.

Somuddled · 06/05/2021 15:43

I would much prefer a text as well. If on a call or face to face I would have to say something back and might end up saying something that I later feel silly over so no way would I be happy with being dumped in that way. Text is fine.

Aprilx · 06/05/2021 15:56

I think texting somebody after seven months is a horrible thing to do, it needs to be face to face. I was once dumped by email after eight months and getting over that was a challenge in itself on top of getting over the end of the relationship. I have still never forgiven, nearly twenty years later.

OrchestraOfWankery · 06/05/2021 16:04

Ah, long distance. I think it's perfectly reasonable to end it by text in that case.

Otherwise it's a long journey to and fro for one of you, with nothing pleasant in between.

MonkeyNotOrgangrinder · 06/05/2021 18:07

I can't imagine wanting someone to be able to see my facial expressions as they told me they didn't want to be with me anymore. Also, if it's a text or a phone call, at least the recipient has a bit of control over the situation and can put the phone down if they want to

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