Child pushed, bitten and scratched at nursery...complain or withdraw?

[AveenoBaby]

I will try and be brief! Name changed.
DD is 3, almost 4. Attends nursery 3 full days a week. Seemed very happy and settled.
About five months in to going, she mentions one little girl’s name more and more and says they are good friends. Excellent, I think. More fool me.

First incident; Nursery send DD home with incident note. Altercation over toy. DD has been bitten on the hand. Nursery don’t disclose name of other child. DD tells me the name later.

Second incident, following week; DD has a visible bite mark on her thumb. Again, incident report and dispute over toy. Nursery will keep an eye.

Two weeks later; DD has been pushed and had a bump on her head. Incident report. Apparently some blocks fell on her when pushed.

Following week; DD comes out of nursery subdued. No incident report but DD shows me scratch on arm which has dried. Not huge, but clearly deep enough to bleed a little. Mention to nursery the next morning, they say they will work with DD on ‘telling an adult if something’s wrong’

Two days later; DD has a scratch on her neck that has been bleeding. No incident report. Playing under a table and has been kicked.

Today; Told at pick up DD has been pushed. DD tells me on the way home she’s been hit on her body.

DD has said it’s the same child on each occasion. I don’t doubt this as the nursery have confirmed who it is when I’ve asked them direct.

I feel wretched for DD. Each time I’ve spoken to nursery I feel fobbed off. I get told they will keep them separate and talk about kind hands and space. Except I don’t feel reassured.

I don’t expect them to punish another 3 year old, but why should DD go to nursery at risk of this? I’ve spoken to nursery in person, emailed etc but I don’t know what else to do. I just want DD to be safe.

My instinct is to roar in there and lose my rag! Do I complain more, withdraw DD? She only has until September before reception and otherwise seems happy there.

Pull her out. My youngest was in a nursery everyone raves about but it just didn’t suit her at all and she stopped talking to the adults there. I tried to work with them but nothing changed. She settled into a different setting from the first half an hour there so, personally, I would change even though it’s only until September.

I was ready to say yabu as these things sometime happen with young children BUT that is ALOT of incidents all by the same child. At the very least, the nursery should have put a plan in place to keep them apart. Habe you requested a meeting? I would do this first

For example, we often split our preschool group so they get more adult interation time so it would be easy to separate two children if needed.

I do have some sympathy with the other child (and parents) as DC3 went through a hitting phase and is now a kind gentle boy. But this is unacceptable and the nursery needs to be doing more to stop it happening.

@ScotsBaby2

Unless your child has a EHCP they can’t provide 1–1 support to to ensure your child doesn’t harm another.

Personally: I think if a child is consistently harming another they should be removed. It’s almost victim
Blaming that OP has to remove her DD due to another kids behaviour.

@AveenoBaby
I would tell nursery if she is injured again. By another student you will inform ofsted as they are failing to safeguard your child.

[quote Onceuponatime1818]@ScotsBaby2

Unless your child has a EHCP they can’t provide 1–1 support to to ensure your child doesn’t harm another.

Personally: I think if a child is consistently harming another they should be removed. It’s almost victim
Blaming that OP has to remove her DD due to another kids behaviour.

@AveenoBaby
I would tell nursery if she is injured again. By another student you will inform ofsted as they are failing to safeguard your child.[/quote]
The situation doesn't need one to one support, it requires nursery staff to be more aware of who is playing with who and what the child who is biting and hitting is doing. It's unlikely the room or space is so large that staff can't keep a very close eye on certain children. The ratios are low in this age group for a reason.

@ScotsBaby2

Even if it’s 1-3 or 1-4 ratio at that age that means 2-3 other kids will get less attention as the key worker is watching the biter

If the children are 3 and 4 the ratio is 1:13, assuming there is a teacher if it's connected to a school.

Biting isn't unusual, I was lucky in that neither of mine were biters although did get bitten/pushed on numberous occasions.

HOWEVER in this case since it's happened on multiple occasions with the same child I do think nursery should be doing more to prevent it. There was a child in my youngest's nursery group who would often bite, hit, scratch, push. They would watch him like a hawk and worked with him very closely to make sure it didn't happen. (I actually vaguely know the boy's mum and he's a totally normal 7 year old now but a few years ago her eally had trouble controlling himself).

Personally I'd speak to the manager amd ask about their safeguarding policies fir the children. Your child is being targeted by this child, move rooms and punish the child should have been done ages ago. They may end up in reception together so the bullying needs to stop

"part of me wants to hunt down the parents and have it out with them!"

This is happening in nursery time when the parents are not there.

"Even if it’s 1-3 or 1-4 ratio at that age that means 2-3 other kids will get less attention as the key worker is watching the biter"

A good nursery will be staffed and supporting on the basis that some children will need more individual support than others. It is also possible to get more funding without an ehcp. Children with more difficulties shouldn't be pushed out.

@Sleepyblueocean

A good nursery will be staffed and supporting on the basis that some children will need more individual support than others. It is also possible to get more funding without an ehcp. Children with more difficulties shouldn't be pushed out.

Exactly. In any nursery class there will be kids who have issues which need a bit more help and that should be planned for. Some kids will have lots of toilet accidents, some will get upset more easily and need comforting, some are speach delayed and need more help communicating. You can't simply refuse to have these children in the nursery and you do need to cater for them.

@AveenoBaby

I have similar drama going on but my daughter is in reception and there's another girl who keeps attacking her and several other kids - we are all very unhappy and wrote to the governors last week

As she's only 3 I'd consider moving her - I used and still use a childminder

A much cheaper
B much more homely feel and more 1-2-1 time
Worth thinking about

I would ask what going forward the nursery are going to put in place , but sometimes it is dificult because when children are good friends they will often choose to seek each other out and and can get upset when not playing together . It can be an odd dynamic , because we would not choose to be friends with someone who hurts us , they can be hurt , then back playing and laughing together rather like brothers and sisters .

I'd ask for a meeting with the manager about it. List all the injuries and say your daughter needs to be kept safe. Yes these things happen, but if it's week after week after week something has to change. If it still carries on I guess you'll have to remove your dd although it's not fair. The biter will probably then move onto hurting another kid so it won't have fixed the problem at all but at least your dd would be safe.

We had a similar issue when dc was in nursery. The best advice I can give is to be the more annoying parent. The staff want a quiet life, don’t give it to them. If you give them enough grief they will deal with this one way or another. As awful as it is, you can’t change this child, all you can do is ensure that it isn’t your dc that they are hurting.

I wouldn't be happy with this at all and I think nursery needs to be doing a better job of supervising the other child if they are injuring your DD.

I realise young children can bite/scratch but this is too many incidents now and you need to be more forceful with nursery so that your DD is protected.

I'd be livid with them and they lack of attention.
I'd want to move her too.
Has she other friends in there is she attached to staff?
They should have separated them weeks ago.

I'd withdraw, they have admitted they can't keep her safe, by saying they can't watch them all the time.
That's their job, surely.

I'm shocked they confirmed the child involved. This alone suggests it's not a good nursery. I would consider moving.
They can't watch all the children all the time but after repeated incidents someone should be shadowing the child that's biting/pushing.

I'm shocked they confirmed the child involved. This alone suggests it's not a good nursery. I would consider moving.
They didn't say, but they can't deny it when the victim can talk.
Do you know the parents? I know you're not supposed to talk to them, when DS was pushing in playschool I appreciated hearing it from a parent, he changed with social stories at home.

They didn't say, but they can't deny it when the victim can talk.
They still shouldn't have confirmed it. It's dangerous because parents can end up confronting each other.