To want to revert back to the previous school:(

[kidsmum123]

Hi all,

I need advice:(. Bit of background, we bought a new house in an area with good schools, ppl move here for access to the good schools. Ds was in year 1 at the time and Dd was in private nursery. He was doing really well at this school, had loads of friends, he was almost the leader of his group of friends and he would come out of school smiling laughing with his friends.

We moved schools to one closer and its a really good school, ppl try their best to get in, we felt really lucky that in-year transfer they had 1 place free in year 1 for him. Ds is very fun and confident but can also be quite sensitive. He started school and 4 week later covid happened. So he couldnt really make friends. September 2020 when schools went back for at least 2 months he would tell us he didnt have any friends and he would just walk around the playground himself. Broke my heart:((. but he said he liked the school and the teacher so we spoke to the teacher and she got kids to include him and involve him.

He now says he plays with 2 kids but i wouldnt class them as friends, and yesterday a kid punched him in the belly (was sorted by the teacher) and it just spurred something in me, im literally close to tears because i regret taking him out of his previous school, but everyone told me oh kids are resilient and they adapt and this is a really good school. Because of where we moved to, the old school is further away, but when i look at it, its probably an extra 5min than the new school (in the other direction).

Another issue is my daughter is in reception and because they are all new there, she has made friends, but she is good at making friends, i know this about her, and i know she will make friends fine in a new school. I always had an inkling about DS but didnt really think it would affect him this much.

Should i try and move him back? Hes happy and says hes fine here but i feel like it is subduing my wonderful boy and hes becoming a quiet unconfident kid. Last year when i called the LEA they said there is a 12 person waiting list so i just gave up.I asked DS this morning if he liked this school, he said yea but misses the old school because he had friends there. I dont know what to do:(

He needs more time to settle in. It's been the worst year ever for school moves. We moved my son in Feb (y3) then Covid happened. Then he went back for a couple of months and was just starting to make friends when they were out again (he was out from Mid Nov due to Self Isolation then a local lockdown in Dec - only returning in March). He is only now starting to make friends.

We try hard to keep him in contact with his old friends - he plays football with a couple, he games on the PS with some. Just to keep that stability for him.

Talk to the teachers again. Explain you know they have made an effort but you are still worried and can they let you know how he gets on.

Once we get to half term then you can invite a child or two around for a play date. Or try to arrange a visit somewhere with another parent over half term - does your daughter have any friends with an older sibling in your sons class? You could engineer an out of school activity with that family.

There might also be some school clubs starting after half term where he could spend a little more time with the kids in his class. Don't give up yet.

Yea i thought it was the giving him time thing, but he just doesnt gel with them and i dont see him making proper friends. I think one factor also is they are all white and we are not, im not saying there is racism involved at all but i do think it makes a difference, and he really does try.

I think a little more time actually in school may actually help. Some children take more time to settle than others and it is just a shame that your DS has had the Covid breaks deal with as well as being new.

More importantly, if he went back to his previous school, isn't it quite likely that other people will have moved on to form new friendship groups in the interim and, if he isn't able to immediately pick up where he left off, he may feel even worse? ie I've had no good friends at two schools now, it must be me people don't like. Or it must be school in general that is the problem.

I would move him back to where he was happy. Friends are so important at this age and your post makes me feel sad for him..

I would give it a little more time. But I would speak with the teacher about your son feeling lonely and what they can do to help him make friends and feel more settled.