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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feeling abandoned

12 replies

postnatalworries · 05/05/2021 10:40

Sorry in advance for a long post- my head is a complete mess and not sure what to do.

So I've been lucky enough to have a lot of mental health support over the past 18 months. When heavily pregnant with DC1 I told my midwife about my struggles with bulimia and I was fast tracked some support from an eating disorders service and also the perinatal mental health team. In the months post birth I had reviews very 2 months or so with the perinatal team, and weekly support from the eating disorders team. Things got really hard during covid to the point where I was planning how to end my life.

I then very quickly got pregnant with DC2, who I had a few weeks ago. In my head I knew the only reason I was still having therapy was because I was high risk in being pregnant again. Sure enough, two weeks ago (so only 4 weeks post partum) I was told that my therapist is leaving the team and support will most likely be stopped/they're not sure what they can offer. Although it's what I expected, I still felt hurt as very much feel like now I've delivered a healthy baby I'm no longer a priority and not worthy of support anymore. Likewise, was seen for the first time post birth with the perinatal psychiatrist last week and was taken aback when she suggested I be discharged. This was despite me saying I've been crying all the time and feeling really low and that the eating disorder behaviours have returned. She only suggested not discharging me when I said I was possibly being discharged by the eating disorders team- she said maybe I should have another review in three months just to check things were still 'going well'.

Things aren't going well. I know it's pathetic but I feel that I've delivered my baby and now everyone's leaving to let me fend for myself. This is exacerbated by the fact that DH will be returning to work in the office in the next few weeks so feel like everyone is leaving all at once.

I told my eating disorders therapist that I was a bit surprised that the psychiatrist had said she thought things were going well. She contacted her to say that I really have been struggling and has told me today that as I've now had the baby, if I feel low then I need to ask my health visitor for support instead.

I also feel let down that my physical state isn't being monitored. When pregnant they were sending someone to my house regularly to weigh me and were doing regular bloods due to my purging. Since having DC2 no one has weighed me or asked if I've even weighed myself, and despite them knowing I've been regularly purging they haven't said anything about bloods. They know that after I had DC1 my weight plummeted, started fainting and then the suicidal thoughts kicked in, so I don't understand why this time around I'm being discharged so quickly.

Sorry again for the long post. Not sure if it's really AIBU, just a bit terrified and unsure what to do next.

OP posts:
G3ntlemanJ · 05/05/2021 11:02

Firstly - I'm so sorry you feel like this. I have serious mental health struggles of my own and totally empathise. However it sounds like you were getting a lot of support and now you've delivered you are less of a priority. Services are stretched to the max and if they can pass the buck on to someone else they will, hence asking HV. It's totally shit 😔
And counter-productive because it sounds like you might end up more ill than you were before because you feel abandoned. Keep posting OP, you'll find lots of support herThanks

Teabaghag · 05/05/2021 11:10

That's such a shame op.

Can you afford private therapy? Unfortunately the NHS is stretched to the max and they just can't afford to provide ongoing support.

Ponoka7 · 05/05/2021 11:11

That team gets their funding for a particular client base. You no longer fit in that service and are best seen somewhere else. Contact your GP and HV, see what they suggest. Has there been any work done with you on self help? Or your DH, so he knows how best to support you? Sometimes you get used to the attention of professionals, but they can't give the same level of input forever. Are you addressing what's behind your issues? Surely when you planned a second baby your DH knew he'd have to be more involved than usual?

postnatalworries · 05/05/2021 13:45

Thanks for your replies. I knew they weren't going to be able to offer me support forever, but it still felt like a shock when they told me.

My understanding was that the perinatal mental health team is to support pregnant women and women in the postnatal period up until their child is one. I delivered my baby just a few weeks ago and I feel like they're trying to get rid of me. I'm purging multiple times a day, crying all the time and feel extremely vulnerable body image wise having just had a baby. It just feels so scary for all of the support to be withdrawn now.

My husband tries to be supportive but he has had no contact with them so has been given no advice on how best to help me, and I've been given no advice on self help strategies for when I'm on my own.

When the support first started it was the NICE recommended CBT- however the recommended 20 sessions were cut short because that therapist left, so I only worked through half the sessions/content. When they moved me onto a different therapist we weren't doing CBT at all. She has been incredibly supportive and if it hasn't been for her help then I honestly don't know if I would still be here, however I do feel like I haven't had the best possible shot at recovery as I never had the full treatment with the most weight of evidence behind it.

I just feel so bad for my children- I was so desperate to recover for their sake and really felt I was getting somewhere.

OP posts:
postnatalworries · 05/05/2021 14:26

I know it sounds completely pathetic- but I just don't know what to do. I feel like giving up.

OP posts:
Teabaghag · 05/05/2021 15:51

OP, if you're purging multiple times a day and feeling like you don't want to be here, then CBT is not what you need.

CBT is a relatively "light" technique for coping with fairly short term/non-severe issues.

From what you've said I think you need to go to your GP, tell them everything you've said here, and ask what they are able to provide in terms of more serious help.

If nothing is available on the NHS can you afford to go private?

postnatalworries · 05/05/2021 21:35

I'll speak to my husband about going private. I don't know what more the GP would recommend other than CBT given that it's the NICE recommended treatment.

OP posts:
Frownette · 05/05/2021 21:56

Can you keep a record of weighing yourself, and book in for weekly bloods with your surgery for now? Can H weigh you?

Tell the GP exactly how you feel. Is there an OOH number you can call if it gets too much? One thing you can do tonight is weigh yourself and talk to DH about the support you need. He'd have to make sure you have the space you need to call surgery first thing tomorrow.

Best of luck.

postnatalworries · 05/05/2021 22:11

I have been weighing myself (worked up the courage a couple of weeks ago) but inevitably this has spiralled into weighing myself several times a day. Asking DH to weigh me is a good option maybe- although not sure what he should do if it continues to fall.

OP posts:
postnatalworries · 05/05/2021 22:12

And yes there is a number I can ring, thankfully, but it's only for 'service users' which won't include me once I've been discharged from both perinatal and the eating disorders team.

OP posts:
Frownette · 05/05/2021 22:50

That's not right of them actually - if you ever get a bad OOH experience phone 111 and get them to give you the MH 24 hour number.

I'll look this thread up tomorrow but hope you get through to GP surgery first thing and start to get a plan in place. It would be nice to hear you have the cogs of support start moving.

Congrats on the little one and hope you get some sleep Flowers

Oneweekleft · 05/05/2021 22:56

Can you ring an eating disorders charity and see what they suggest?

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