To not stop DS going into town even though knife crime is on the up

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

As one of his friends parents thinks I am and its causing friction in the friendship group.

For context the DSs (6 of them) are all 16/17. They have been friends for around 6/7 years. This year they have started at the same college although various courses and breaks. I am definitely the "lax" parent of the group.

In our local area knife crime is on the rise. There has been 150ish incidents i think in the last 12 months and certainly 10 in the last month that I can remember. There seems to be some debate in the local news that it might be to do with drugs / rival factions and what not. Previously it seemed to be confined to the more dodgy areas but has recently spilled over to the naice areas too.

DS and his friends usually meet up during lunch time at college and walk up to the local supermarket to buy lunch. Its a five minute walk at most round the outskirts of the town.

One parent messaged the WhatsApp group to ask about us providing packed lunches or doing a collection rota so that they don't have to go into town and is citing the knife crime as the reason.

I said I didn't see the point as I didn't want DS to be frightened to go buy lunch although I would speak to him about the risks such as they are. There is masses of kids wandering up at lunchtime. Neither DS nor any of his friends are into drugs or gangs (as far as I know) and none of the stabbings have been random - they mainly seem to be linked to organised fights or revenge stabbings from another stabbing so I said I wasn't particularly concerned about it and if DS was happy to continue to go id encourage that.

I've basically been told that my opinion doesn't count because my position of privilege (we live rurally, my DSs have had a lot of freedom roaming our land) means I have no idea what its like living in a street where a stabbing has taken place nearby and having to worry about DS getting involved with the wrong crowd. Its also been pointed out I'm quite laid back parenting and my DSs have been allowed freedoms (again by virtue of where we live) that the others haven't and so I should curtail DSs ability to buy lunch for the greater good of the group because its hard to stop their DSs going if I (and the other parent who agrees with me) allow ours to go.

So AIBU to allow DS to walk into town?

They’re 16 / 17 years old? Surely they won’t be listening to their parents anyway?!?!

It’s terrifying but you can’t curtail their lives in this way, how do they grow up to be functioning adults who can make sensible risk assessments otherwise?

I’m afraid this parent is being beyond naive. These aren’t pre-teens - some of them are 17, for heaven’s sake! They could be adults in less than a year!

Staying indoors or only going out by car is soon going to prove very, very limiting. And if she thinks a 16/17 year-old boy is going t meekly roll over and say ‘Yes mommy’, she has a shock coming.

I also have a child of this age, and I wouldn't consider letting him go to buy lunch to be a particular risk in the circumstances you describe.

I am also fairly sure that if I tried to ban him, he would just go anyway (on the basis he thought it was a stupid rule) so I have a strong suspicion that the other boys in this scenario will just do as they want (and lie to their parents to keep them happy if that's needed). Which is surely counter productive.

Ha to be fair to them at the moment anyway they do seem to abide by parenting rules - they are quite a young 16/17 - although how long that will last i don't know. They also don't have jobs so if lunch money isn't provided they can't buy anything anyway which at the moment would allow it to be done.

My DS in particular is always happy to have a lift so would not be bothered at all to be collected from college, driven the short distance to the supermarket and then driven back. Indeed he was quite horrified originally when he realised he had to walk there. Its why they go the supermarket because he deems macdonalds to far away 🙄

Tbh im a bit hurt by the comments that have been made and I am aware that in that situation I have a tendency to double down on my opinion which is why I'm asking here.

I think if it was random attacks or the lads were different personalities I'd be more concerned but I just can't see the danger in 4 - 6 of them walking for 5 mins, sitting for 15/20 mins (outside currently but used to be in the cafe) and then walking back.

I think your last paragraph says it all and their risk is minimal.

You can’t stop people having lunch in a town, surely.

I’d be interested to know where it is.

Yanbu.
Once he is aware of the dangers he can do his best to avoid gangs.
It is a bloody nightmare and more needs to be done, our area has an increase in knife crime too, teenager gangs on bikes terrorising the area.
I've no problem in daylights but wouldn't at night it has genuinely become dangerous.

I thought the thread was going to be about going into town at night on the lash!

My teens would have laughed if I had tried to stop them walking to the supermarket to get lunch and done it anyway, I strongly suspect these will do likewise

If they’re given packed lunches, they will just go and get something else 🥴 yanbu.