To be annoyed at DH

[Leah91]

I probably am BU but I'd like a bit of perspective. Sorry if it's a bit long. We have an 8 month old daughter and on weekdays DH is still mainly WFH while I'm on mat leave. I do the night wakings and then in the morning I go down (around 7.30) to have breakfast/shower uninterrupted and DH wil have DD for a bit then I'll take her back at around 8.30 and he gets ready for work. I usually use this block of time to do some jobs too, e.g. unload the dishwasher, hang out laundry, sterilise bottles etc.

The reason I'm a bit annoyed is that DH just takes her and cuddles her in bed, so she's not playing and often falls asleep which then messes up her later naps (e.g she'll end up being really tired during one of her baby groups). I'd just really like it if he changed her nappy and brought her downstairs, he could sit on the sofa with a coffee while she plays but he doesn't. I asked him if he could today and he's still up there with her. I think maybe I'm just not being flexible and I should let him get on with it how he likes, but it's frustrating when it has knock on effects later in the day. So wise people of mumsnet AIBU?
YABU - Let him chill in bed with DD it's his choice, he's doing new a favour anyway by giving me some time alone in the morning
YANBU - It would be better if he actually got out of bed and interacted a bit more with her so she doesn't fall back to sleep

Surely if she falls back asleep then she is tired so needs sleep then?

That would bug me too, OP. Also, he really isn't "doing you a favour" by looking after his own child for an hour!

YABU - Let him chill in bed with DD it's his choice, he's doing new a favour anyway by giving me some time alone in the morning

What am I reading here?!

He’s her father. How is ‘parenting’* his own flesh and blood doing you a favour?!

• I say ‘parenting’ because he’s not even. He’s sleeping.

YANBU. My husband sort-of did this but by popping our baby in the pram and going for a walk, which meant the baby slept more. I explained this to him and he now does a play session instead. Baby is then nicely ready for a nap afterwards.

He isn't doing you a favour. He is spending time with his dd how he wants to. Not up to you to micro manage that..

Thanks everyone. For context he never said or implied he was doing a favour, that's my wording - I realise it sounds a bit dramatic. And she doesn't always fall back asleep I think she's just cozy and sometimes drifts off again. Both of us aren't morning people but I think I force myself to get up earlier than I would like, whereas sometimes DH doesn't which is probably what really bothers me. On the whole he does loads with her and is a great dad I think it's just some mornings I get a bit fed up

YABU, but not because he's doing you a favour. He's her parent and he is parenting. It's time to ditch the men 'helping' perspective.

However, if she goes to sleep with a cuddle then she's clearly tired. I would do the same as your DH and YABU for being annoyed.

Have you both agreed how you're going to approach schedules/naps/routines? It's worth being on the same page as you're more likely to have conflict if one of you is heavily schedule driven and the other is more flexible/responding to cues.

Stop forcing yourself to get up earlier than you would like. You have a baby who wakes at night - you need your rest! There is nothing wrong with snuggling with your baby in bed in the morning and she wouldn't be going to sleep if she'd not tired. If she gets tired at baby group then just leave early. Or let her go to sleep there.

I think you've got to let DH parent how he wants to.

I get it.

You're getting up earlier than you'd like so you can shower etc whilst your DH is watching the baby.

But you say you're also unstacking the dishwasher etc?

So why don't you swap things around?

You stay in bed and cuddle the baby, whilst DH gets up, unstacks the dishwasher, puts a wash on and sterilises the bottles.

Then you pass the baby to DH who is now wide awake whilst you have a shower and he plays with her.

The next day, he gets a half hour cuddle session with the baby whilst you do the jobs, then half hour playing with the baby (set an alarm so his half hour doesn't stretch!)

Then you both get a bit of a lie in, the baby doesn't sleep for an hour and the jobs still get done.

You need to readjust your thinking with regards to your husband "doing you a favour". My husband also does the mornings so I can study. He's usually feeding, cleaning and dressing our son (9 months old), then he'll sit and play with him in the living room before starting work and we switch back.

If I were you, I'd just ask my DH not let baby fall back asleep on the days of the play groups as you'd rather have her awake for them. On the days you don't have anything to do, just let him crack on.

Thanks again everyone some very helpful suggestions here. .