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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Birthday Party Arrangements

10 replies

Linenne · 04/05/2021 20:27

So i'm separated with a 4 year old daughter and have been for nearly 2 years. we were never married but were together for 6 years and separated due to me discovering an affair my partner was having.

After dealing with the emotional fall out with the help of friends and family I put together a parenting plan, trying to make it as fair as possible. The plan split the time 50/50 and alternated weekends with mention for Easter and Christmas.

There was a section for my daughter's Birthday saying that we could both be there and that as most birthdays will fall on a weekday we will just let the weekend fall where it may, but last year we split the weekend a day each and it worked really well. It also came to light that they were now with the person they had the affair with.

It is still a few months from my daughter's birthday and I've started organising the party. I messaged my ex-partner and asked if they would like to come with their parents, who I used to get on well with, and even the person they had the affair with so we could try and rebuild some bridges for our daughter's sake. Just to be clear there is no vain hope that we'll get back together, time apart has made me realise how selfish they truly were.

I get the reply back stating "no it's my weekend", I was somewhat taken aback ask if they were joking but the only response was that it was their weekend and that I they would be collecting our daughter as usual that weekend. I've messaged a couple of times to ask that we talk and come to some sort of comprimise but I am met with the same few words, it feels like talking to a wall. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 04/05/2021 20:33

YANBU he's being an arse but is there any reason you can't just organise the party for the weekend before or after so it's officially your weekend.

SummerHouse · 04/05/2021 20:34

When is her birthday? If a weekday then presumably there's a weekend either side. If the actual weekend then you should negotiate that together. Maybe a bit premature to organise a party on your ex's weekend then invite their family prior to taking about who is having her when.

DDiva · 04/05/2021 20:36

You do a party and he does something his weekend. I cant imagine you all playing happy families for the afternoon will work out long term.....

Aprilx · 04/05/2021 20:37

I honestly don’t understand what your agreement said about birthdays and letting the weekend “fall where it may”. Confused. However, if it is his weekend, I think it was presumptuous if you to organise a party when it is supposed to be his time. Sounds like he is a bit annoyed that you did that.

SeasonFinale · 04/05/2021 20:37

Sorry but having been in the same situation for a number of years with DS and DSS we just let the weekends continue on the EOW basis and would arrange any birthday parties for a week earlier or a week later depending on which suited best.

Linenne · 04/05/2021 20:38

It is on the sunday, I normally have her Wed/Thur/Fri and she get's collected Saturday. I know it is a little bit eager but with lockdown and everything and it would be her first birthday with friends from school. I assumed that I would be having her as my ex had her on her Birthday last year.

OP posts:
00100001 · 04/05/2021 20:39

Why would you arrange a party on his weekend?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 04/05/2021 20:39

I'm not sure what you mean...it sounds like last year you split the weekend, but the parenting plan states you will continue with your planned weekends as normal? If that's the case then yea it would have been nice if he was flexible and your daughter might have enjoyed a party with everyone together, but I don't think you can really criticize him for sticking to a plan that you wrote. I'd just organise something separate the closest weekend that you are seeing her, lots of people have parties a week or so away from their actual birthday fir various reasons and it's not a big deal

00100001 · 04/05/2021 20:40

Well, imagine he did this to you.

Would you be happy with the situation?

Thesearmsofmine · 04/05/2021 20:44

I think you should plan the party on the weekend before/after. I do think it’s great that you have asked them to come though, I think it can be so good for dc to see the adults they love being able to get along.

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