AIBU to think reasons for having kids don't have to be completely selfless?

[yeehawcritters]

NC. I don't have any kids, but I was watching a Youtube video where a woman was discussing her reasons for having another child - many of which were "altruistic" things, but she also mentioned something along the lines of "I think having another child will make me happier and make me feel like a more fulfilled person" which got jumped on in the comments section.

Do you think it's OK to have kids for "selfish" reasons (personal fulfillment, something to do, finding a purpose etc), or does it have to be fully unselfish? If that's even possible. Not sure how I feel about it on the whole, but I don't know if it's possible to have a completely selfless reason for children.

I agree, I can’t think of a single selfless reason to have a child - what altruistic reasons did she give?

"Altruistic" reasons mean things generally like continuation of the human race, hope of creating a child who will do something great to help the world, duty to God, to pass on your own skills and knowledge etc. (not saying I agree with all of these, or think they're all altruistic necessarily, but that kind of vein).

I think it’s certainly an interesting conversation and I’d be interested to hear from people who genuinely think they had children purely for those reasons rather than ‘because they wanted to’ (which is totally valid and would imagine most people’s reason!)

Isn't having a child inherently selfish, at the most basic level? We like to try and dress it up with other reasons, but behind it all is the biological imperative to ensure our genes/species persist, no?

Yeah, of course it's fine. In fact, I think it's one of the best reasons. What are the not selfish reasons to have a child?

I had children for purely selfish reasons.

There are no altruistic reasons for having a child.

I don't understand what an unselfish reason to have kids would be?

Unless you felt that extending your genes to another generation was for the benefit of the whole of society? I mean, I suppose that level of egotism exists but, well I wouldn't want those people fore parents, put it that way.

Of course people have kids for selfish reasons. It’s an incredibly selfish thing to do, actually.

I don’t believe there is one single selfless reason to have a child.

And that’s fine.

I couldn’t take someone seriously who said that having a child to worship god was a selfless act.

hope of creating a child who will do something great to help the world

Load of bollocks, the child could just as easily grow up to be the next Fred or Rose West. Most people have children because their biological urges tell them to, not for the good of humanity.

continuation of the human race

We're nowhere near being an endangered species.

hope of creating a child who will do something great to help the world

That will be very, very rare.

duty to God

Nonsense

to pass on your own skills and knowledge

I doubt there is anything she knows that is special and unique.

Having children is purely selfish though, I cannot see any selfless reason at all (and I have a child myself)! I don't understand her need to justify it with fake bullshit "altruism" either, does she feel guilty or something? Weird!

I mean, there's selfish and there's selfish. Having a kid because it bumps you up the housing list, or you want someone to carry on the family business, or you don't want the family name to die out, or because you're breeding your own workforce (this is a very old fashioned farming thing tbf), or you want someone to look after you in old age- these all put the parent absolutely front and centre, and the child is just a means to an end, and fairly inconsequential in their own right.

But having a child because you want someone to care for, and to look after, and to build family memories with etc etc? It's selfish in as much as you're hoping your own life will also be enriched, but it feels like a much more acceptable type of selfish.

"Altruistic" reasons mean things generally like continuation of the human race, hope of creating a child who will do something great to help the world, duty to God, to pass on your own skills and knowledge etc.

Wow what a lot of bolleaux!

It's a completely selfish thing to do to have a kid - and that's ok.

The mindboggling bit is when people with kids say that people without kids are selfish

Haha what a crock o shite! The only reason to have kids is selfish, and I say that pregnant with my second! Yes agree the mind boggles at people who say not having children is selfish, balderdash! poppycock!