to feel like this at 5 weeks postpartum?

[nina3638]

i feel like i’m doing something wrong here - i’m 5 weeks pp and people are expecting so much more of me right now than i feel capable of, i don’t know if they’re just expecting too much or if i’m just really shit at this whole newborn thing.

my family keep trying to get me to leave baby with them while i go for a night out with my partner. i don’t want to, it literally doesn’t appeal whatsoever to leave her right now. i also am breastfeeding and can’t get much when i pump and they just dismiss it when i say that? am i supposed to be okay with just handing my baby over for hours? i don’t even really like people holding her for more than 10 minutes.

my sister is also getting married next year and is constantly spamming me with pictures of shit like flower crowns etc that she likes and then if i don’t respond will follow up with ‘i can see you’re online why are you ignoring me’ etc. i have no reason other than that i just want to be left alone for a bit. i’m so exhausted i really don’t want to discuss anything with anyone right now nevermind weigh up which flower crown out of 50 that look the same is the best.

my partner also keeps trying to kiss my neck etc and obviously i know what he’s hoping for but i really cannot be bothered. he hasn’t changed a single nappy since the first week and doesn’t get up during the night to help me at all. why would i want to have sex with him??

also my inlaws are visiting in a few weeks and by the sound of it they’re expecting me to go on days out etc with them. i don’t want to. i’m running on about 20 minutes of proper sleep a night, i cannot be bothered to go prancing around a beach etc right now.

i feel like i’m not coping at all. i’m happy in that i adore my baby but i’m so so drained, i’m at uni too and have exams in the next two weeks and i just feel like what’s the point in even trying. my brain feels empty.

You are completely normal

I didn't leave mine until she was 2.5yrs old and only then because I needed to. You're meant to feel like this x

(Overnight, that is)

Who the actual fuck voted YABU?

You're doing great, tell everyone to fuck off and get your partner to help more.

I think it took me about 3 months to start feeling physically myself again, and that was with a very attentive DP who did half of everything apart from feeding. I left him with his nana overnight at 4 months and even now, at 10 months, I feel bad that I left him all night. What you're feeling is completely normal x

Most mums don't leave the baby overnight until it's at least 6 months old. Certainly don't feel pressured as young babies need their mothers. Fair enough nip out for an hour or 2 but only if you actually want to.
I agree with others that you need to be much tougher with partner and family. Put yourself and baby first, and just tell them how it is. Prioritise your own sleep. Don't worry about offending them. If you don't stand up for yourself the resentment may end up ruining relationships for long after this relatively short newborn stage is over. I would avoid having anyone to stay as well.

If you can defer your exams, do so. For now get your partner to start being a partner and pulling their weight. Your feelings are absolutely valid, I wouldn't have left my babies with anyone at such a young age either. You aren't failing at anything, this part is hard. X

Your DP hasn’t changed a single nappy? You need to change that right now! That’s not ok, at all.

I think it’s about time you put your foot down about a lot of things.

thanks so much everyone!!

yeah maybe i’m being harsh on my sister - i think it’s just that the whole wedding thing has been bugging me for months (e.g. she wanted me to try on bridesmaids dresses with her and the other bridesmaids when i was 36 weeks pregnant and didn’t understand why that wouldn’t be fun for me) so i think i just have a short fuse with it.

as for dp i just don’t know how to go about it - since i’m a student i haven’t got an income other than my student loan atm so he pays all the bills and mortgage etc and is the only one working, so i sort of feel bad telling him he needs to work, clean the house, pay all the bills and look after baby too. but even just the overnight nappies so i can go to sleep straight after feeding would be a big help. i just am worried that he thinks i’m asking too much of him with everything combined?

and as for in laws they’re travelling about 9 hours in the car to visit and i’m just dreading it because i know they’ll try to make the trip ‘worth it’ by hogging her loads. i’m sure i have postpartum anxiety, i hate people holding baby too long and as soon as she begins to cry i take her back to comfort her because i think she should be comforted by the person she knows the most. i literally worry everyday imagining them not passing her back if she begins to cry etc etc.

Have you asked him to do the nappies. If your anxious, do you let him near the baby?

But OP it’s his baby too. He should want to do the baby care! It’s parenting, it’s not optional! Surely you planned this baby together? Else why did he bother?

Parenting isn’t just about doing the fun bits. His job is irrelevant.

My baby is 5 months and EBF. She wont take a bottle (I wish she did, but apparently not enough to put the effort in) and so being away for any length of time is just not possible. I am happy being near her.

My husband works really long hours, and sleeps separatelyso he can sleep without being disturbed, but still does as an absolute minimum 1 nappy a day. And enjoys it as he likes using his few moments of free time to be with our daughter. He grabs whatever time he can with her. Your partner can do a little bit more.

I am just starting to go on adventures (not sure what would have happened if not for lockdown) but 5 weeks is super early and you should only do what you feel comfortable with. Of my NCT group no one would go out for more than about an hour at that stage (also with cold/wet/lockdown) Don't let the in laws bully you.