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AIBU?

Boss told colleague about miscarriage

42 replies

Rubyrecka · 04/05/2021 16:07

Bit of an odd one.

Been with the company for approx. 6-8 months, I'm currently pregnant and mentioned to my boss in confidence that I'd previously had a miscarriage around 3 years ago - so not a recent situation however, had a call from our very friendly occupational health lady as we were talking about the vaccine. Then pops up out the blue, 'oh XXXXX came over and mentioned that you've had a miscarriage before? Yeah I had one before my son as well'.

I was abit taken a back initially on the call becos of the step change from vaccine to miscarriage but I was then quite cross my boss had mentioned it to her? Aibu to expect a bit of formality around this type of subject. If she had told her to make her aware for some medical or mental health purpose then ok but even then I would have expected to be informed?!

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Sunny1112 · 04/05/2021 17:47

So ask her why she told them? No use getting worked up when you haven’t asked so don’t know the reason

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VillanellesOrangeCoat · 04/05/2021 18:08

Doesn’t really matter why she told them. She has given confidential info without permission

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Sunny1112 · 04/05/2021 18:10

@VillanellesOrangeCoat

Doesn’t really matter why she told them. She has given confidential info without permission

I get that but if you haven’t even asked her why she told them you won’t know anything.
First port of call would of been to ask why.
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MrsAudreyShapiro · 04/05/2021 18:21

You need to find out what happened and if the information was shared with anyone else. Then you can decide your next steps.

Regardless of the reason why, even if she thought she was doing it for OP's benefit, it was wrong of the boss to share medical history information without permission.

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Babygotblueyes · 04/05/2021 18:28

Managers are responsible for protecting the company, and so if you tell them anything health related, they will feel obligated to pass it on to OH. It would be different if it was idle gossip with some random person.
And if you told her about it, she probably assumed you wanted it officially known.

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Sceptre86 · 04/05/2021 18:48

If you are upset and you seem to be annoyed about it then raise it with your manager. Managers not only have a duty of care towards their colleagues but as employees of the company this is likely something they would pass on to occupational health because they are better placed to know if other measures could be put in place to support you and whether your manager would need to check in on you more frequently. Normally occupational health would ask if there are any other measures they can put in place to support you over and above those you have discussed with your manager. I don't think it would have been done with any malice however if you are uncomfortable then speak to your manager and hr.

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Rubyrecka · 04/05/2021 19:01

Thanks all I will speak to my boss and see why it was shared and with whom and if it was for welfare reasons then why this hasn't been followed up with me.

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nitsandwormsdodger · 04/05/2021 20:29

I told HR that I'd miscarried one of my twins but was still pregnant , totally gobsmacked when the receptionist started chatting to me and told me she had also had the same thing happen to her , because both ladies were ( and since ) have been nothing but well meaning and kind I let it go
Up to you what you want to do about it
Young people are very open and confessional these days which isn't necessarily a bad thing

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SB91 · 04/05/2021 20:46

Do you have a HR Department? It's highly likely that your HR team would have raised the Occupational Health referral as opposed to your boss as they have the relationship with the OH provider. You should query that with your boss and HR. As it's personal data, you can also request to see the details that were submitted as part of the referral so definitely ask for that information.

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SeasonFinale · 04/05/2021 20:50

But if they were doing a pregnancy risk assessment surely you would have told them yourself. You say you had already had the risk assessment. If you didn't mention it at that then your boss needed to tell them to reassess the risk based on the knowledge of a prior miscarriage.

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Rubyrecka · 04/05/2021 21:01

@SeasonFinale read the post it was 3 years ago how on earth does it have any bearing to my pregnancy risk assessment now.

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Rubyrecka · 04/05/2021 21:07

@nitsandwormsdodger

I told HR that I'd miscarried one of my twins but was still pregnant , totally gobsmacked when the receptionist started chatting to me and told me she had also had the same thing happen to her , because both ladies were ( and since ) have been nothing but well meaning and kind I let it go
Up to you what you want to do about it
Young people are very open and confessional these days which isn't necessarily a bad thing

Yes I know how you feel, knocks you back abit when your not expecting it! The receptionist though ShockConfused
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CanIBeACurlyGirl · 04/05/2021 21:24

Where I work, we keep in contact with the HRBP and talk about staffing issues and areas we feel we may need support in.

It all sounds very confidential between those who should or need to know and also sounds very supportive towards you. You shared the information with your manager who shared it with their management team.

Not the same as gossiping with the receptionist.

I suppose, you could try and see it that you shared something your manager didn't know was relevant to your current pregnancy or made a difference towards being vaccinated etc as they aren't medically trained so they shared with their next support line or directly with occ health for guidance.

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Pancakeorcrepe · 04/05/2021 21:37

It is inappropriate but why would you mention a miscarriage from three years ago! She may not have realised you wanted it kept confidential, if it was just a general chat about pregnancy.

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DaphneDuBois · 04/05/2021 21:47

I can’t even tell you how angry I would be at this invasion of privacy and breach of trust.

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Isthatyoucolinrobinson · 05/05/2021 19:45

It doesn't matter why OP said it, you shouldn't disclose medical info without prior consent. A manager should know better. Loads don't.

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SeasonFinale · 06/05/2021 20:12

Of course a prior miscarriage whenever it occurred is relevant information for the purpose of a risk assessment of working conditions for a current pregnancy.

Your boss would have been negligent had they not told OH and then something had happened which might not have otherwise happened with a proper assessment of risk with full knowledge of all relevant facts. It is information you should have disclosed to OH yourself.

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