I'm hosting christmas for 16 and want them to head home by 11pm?

[Gledhill]

I have a tiny tot of 10months, and in the first few months of pregnancy with the next... yup I'm shattered!

I'm having 16 over for christmas (must be mad!) and have been told it's unreasonable to ask people to head home at about 11pm ish? I know the family love to stay up late drinking / playing games...maybe i am not being fair

feel like i'm the dull one

Sorry, but I think YABabitU. If you can't face up to having them there, then you shouldn't have invited them!

Can you not sneak away at 11 and go to bed anyway?

Wow - congrats! you are v brave to have that many over. However your house, your rules - tell them in no uncertain terms you get tired easily right now(and no wonder) and would greatly appreciate them leaving at 11. Maybe offer to start earlier so they don't feel short changed?

You're hardly being dull if you are putting Christmas on for that many people!

Are they the sorts to help out or will you be run ragged all day?

Will they mind if you go to bed early?

Can you trust them to tidy up after themselves?

You may feel like relaxing about that time and be sorry if they have a set time to go.

Whatever you choose - well done you!

agree with santa, surely you can jsut sneak off. Be a bit boring for the guests to have to leave at 11.

How did you lumber yourself with that arrangement? Did you not realise you were pregnant when you arranged it?

Either try and get someone else to host it, or get everyone to make a contribution foodwise etc and I think you could get away with retiring early as long as your DP doesn't mind staying up.

I don't think you can expect them to be gone by 11pm TBH. 12ish would be fair enough.

not likely to help out I'm afraid, maybe I'll just head to bed when I fall over and leave them too it ... and face the tidy up in the morning

I would go to bed when I felt I needed to but tell people they were welcome to stay - people should understand because you are pregnant. I would also tell DH that it's his responsibility to clear up and make sure you're not coming down on Boxing Day to a massive mess.

16 people - not oone of them likely to help

If they expect that sort of thing tell them to find a hotel!

Or of course you could always find a hotel - leave them to it!

Face the tidy up in the morning?

what on earth?

How about telling dh that what you really want for Christmas is to have all the clearing up done for you on Boxing Day morning while you are having a Ye Olde Traditionalle Merrie Lie Inne?

the only couple likely to be really helpful are the ones leaving early.

we've also just had 2 more add to the list as the family thought it was unfair not to ask them... think I'll just aim to enjoy the day and not worry about it

We invited them all well before I got pregnant... hoping for a quite christmas next year

fairly sure DH will have a cracking hangover and not get up on boxing day! ... hmmm that idea about taking myself off t a hotel sounds lovely

OMG . Wow, no-one I know would stay that late if they had been there all day. We would all be nodding off on the settee by 9pm and ready for bed by 10. You can't ask them to leave as the others have said but you can go to bed yourself and leave dh and the rest of them to it.

Ditto my family would all be nodding off at 9pm... by DH family are all night owls... think i'll leave them too it... thanks for all your advice

Gledhill - you poor thing. I would be seriously tempted to UNinvite everyone. Be straight with them - you didn't know you would be pregnant when invite issued and now that you are you don't think you can be expected to host. The only way they should expect to still come to you is if your dh takes on the majority of the work. Unless he is prepared to do this then he is the one being unreasonable. As for the fact that he could contemplate not getting up on Boxing Day because of a self-induced 'hangover' when you have a 10month old - what planet is he on? He is presumably expecting you to do all the tidying up and look after 10month old - totally unreasonable.

If you give them tonnes of port they will all be snooozing by 8.30pm

really really get a grip on this situation! ask for help....'as you know im pregnant and really looking forward to having you all so i have done a list and i need you to bring either...or....thanks'
stress all mucking in together element strongly. and do not tidy up get everyone to help you ar enot a hotel. and go to bed when you are tired. and get dh on board 'can we all be a bit quiet now you dont need to go home but lovely wife is tired and going to bed'
do it do i or you will have no grounds to moan at all as you are martyring...tis your xmas too be bossy

Right I think the reasonable thing to do is to go to bed when you feel you need to. But also to ensure that DH does his share and plenty of tidying up. Really lay it on the line for you DH at this stage. So that he knows what is expected of him, including cooking/washing up/getting drinks/tidying up etc.

thanks for all the advice guys, which I'm taking and seems to be working... now looking forward to a much less stressful christmas!

thanks!

Gledhill just make sure that you continue to be firm but fair. Don't soften your stance and think "oh well it's only..." and so on - thin end of the wedge and all that.