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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Literally no sense of direction... at all

189 replies

Pippa12 · 04/05/2021 15:15

I’ve just had a complete melt down as my sat nav had technical difficulties and I couldn’t get it to work. I’ve done this 40 minute journey every week for 5 weeks now, but I cannot for the life of me get there and back without GPS.
I rung my husband in blind panic (again!) and although he’s calm and kind, he’s completely perplexed at my lack of directional skills and feels there is more to it.

I struggle with directions and remembering how to get to places everyday. I rely heavily on my Sat Nav for the shortest of journeys. If we are in a hotel for instance, it will take a good few days before I can confidently get to reception/pool or navigate round the resort. I am otherwise fairly clever and together person with a technical job in a managerial position with lots to organise and execute, but why oh why can’t I get from A to B without assistance.

Anybody else have similar experiences and any ideas how to improve this after 37 years of bloody embarrassment and torment!

OP posts:
Lucylivesinamushroomhouse · 06/05/2021 20:09

This thread is so encouraging, to know I’m not alone! Interestingly like many here I also struggle with face recognition. I can only very vaguely visualise things. I technically can drive but I avoid it as much as possible. Terrible special awareness. It has definitely affected my whole life and my family mock me (very genteelly) all the time. Now I’m wondering if it could be some kind of dyspraxia....

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 06/05/2021 20:34

I have zero sense of direction, but grew up long before satnavs and so had to learn to read maps and work out my route in advance if I wanted to drive myself anywhere.

I can go umpteen times somewhere with dh driving, but will never remember the way until I’ve had to drive it myself.

Might add that dh’s sense of direction used to be incredible. He could visit a city for just a few hours, go back 10 years later and find his way.
Since relying so heavily on satnavs, though, his ability has deteriorated. Use it or lose it....

I once read that the reason men often have a better sense of direction-than women, is because they have higher levels of iron in their blood, we all apparently have iron deposits in our noses, and given that the earth is a magnet....
Don’t know how true that is, but it sounds plausible.

wizzywig · 06/05/2021 20:37

Stay away from Milton Keynes. I'm constantly getting lost there

RosJ · 06/05/2021 20:55

Me too... I have no sense of direction, I have real trouble with faces (embarrassing as a teacher), and I spectacularly failed to learn touch typing, despite once doing a one month typing intensive course. I have often wondered if all these are connected. I'm also a daydreamer, but not nearly as bad as I used to be, as my job demands actually being present in the room.

User6587324 · 06/05/2021 21:01

Strangely I find MK not so bad as it is very orderly and I don't panic as much, I find the road names like V8, H6, etc easier as I at least I can count the roundabouts and have a slight knowledge of knowing where I am. MK was always my shops of choice because I could actually find the centre, we now have our own shops at Rushden Lakes but I have trouble negotiating the roundabout into there and once missed the exit to get home Blush

SquigglePigs · 06/05/2021 21:31

DH is exactly the same. If he drives somewhere and I've been giving him directions or he's following a sat nav there is zero chance of him being able to find it again. He does get there eventually with places he goes regularly but we've lived in our area for 15 years he still surprises me with what he can't navigate to.

We've realised it's partly because of the way he visualises things - in a very simplistic way. So if there are two way to go and they both involve 2 turns he would assume they're about the same distance/time even if one was easily twice the length. He can never do short cuts!

It's taken me a long time to get used to because I'm the exact opposite and can get back to more or less anywhere I've been once and I pretty much have a map in my head - he calls me his human sat nav. At least we balance each other out I guess Grin.

Oddly though I'm much less good at navigating on foot - totally different thing!

Don't worry OP, you're not alone.

SallyCinnabon · 06/05/2021 23:30

OP, people stop me for directions in my home town and I tell them I’m not from round here because I know I’ll send them the wrong way!

TooStressyTooMessy · 09/05/2021 08:53

So pleased I found this thread! I can relate to so much of this. I am terrible at directions and it is a standing joke how bad I am with them. My DD1 is pretty good (takes after her Dad) and has been genuinely helpful with directions for me since she was about 7 Blush. I don’t have face blindness although wouldn’t say I am great with them. What I do have is a great ability to make a mess and to lose things. I have often thought it must all be connected. I am definitely not very observant which doesn’t help. Thank goodness for satnav.

I am another one who can learn (eventually, over a very long time) a route but can’t understand how that relates to any other routes - that takes me years and often I never manage it.

When I was younger and starting to go places on my own I used to have to wait until I was with a friend or wait for my younger brother to learn the route and come with me or I couldn’t manage it at all BlushConfused. No satnav or mobiles in those days.

dgirluk · 09/05/2021 09:20

OMG I thought I was the only one ! The relief of knowing I'm not alone!

On work trips, colleagues know they have to pick me up from my room or I won't find breakfast. If I go to the toilet in restaurants I panic because I can't find my way back to the table.

I also regularly lose keys / phone etc., bump into things, and am awful with anything like tennis or catch. Numbers don't make a lot of sense and I can do a basic sum, get it horrendously wrong, but not twig at all. I've also lost my car in a town, phoned my OH to explain I'd lost it, and he talked me though the journey to get from where I was standing to where it was parked (based on my description of where I'd left it).

I get from A>B but it's like a new journey every time. B>A is a completely different road in my mind. And to go from B>C would involve probably going back to to A and starting from there (if A/B/C were in a triangle) - no sense of how they link together.

I used to race on circuits and it took FOREVER to learn even a short circuit.

Yet I can read a map fine and navigate using it, and got my pilots license which requires navigation, and have a technical job, and play piano to a decent standard. It makes no sense to me but I'd love to fix it.

The landmarks thing makes a bit of sense, as well as whoever said, turn around and look back so you know what it will look like when you return.

But any tips at all would be appreciated! I've suspected dyspraxia for a while but the symptoms didn't seem to tie in - but based on a pp, perhaps it is at some level?

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 09/05/2021 09:41

Would it help for somebody who is good at this sort of thing to chip in with how it works in my head? (Well, sort of, it is hard to put into words because it's all images in my head).

I pay attention to what is around me - I notice where the sun is, trees, distinctive features in houses/gardens, where the exits are, if there's a particular plant or something in a building by a pillar, so I know where I am at that moment and what appears to be nearby. When I move away from that position, I note further things in relation to where I had been, as though I've got a map overlay in my head.

When I am going to a place from one direction, I have a memory of all the other familiar places in that overlay and then, I join the pieces up when coming from a different direction, like filling in the blanks and it all gradually expands until I know either everything or the important places and a few 'checks' on the way.

I wouldn't use a Big Sainsbury's as a marker by itself, as there are an awful lot of the things around and they all look very similar - but a big Sainsbury's with a bus stop by the entrance with a Boots opposite and a zebra crossing slightly further on by a big, green building would be a marker point.

To add to that, I've also got an overlay in my head of bus routes and stops/train and tube maps/etc. So I might not know immediately where X coffee shop is, but I know it's in x location, which is on the 123 bus route where it turns right to go past Sainsbury's and there is a blue doctor's surgery coming up to the junction, the 321 bus turns left past the two chemists where the majority of the shops are and there's a good chance it's on the little stretch that's set back from there. Using the mental overlays, I can therefore get to where the coffee shop is likely to be from all 4 directions by bus or by car.

Google Streetview helps - even if the place wasn't actually there at the time of the photos - because it gives a general shape to the road and buildings.

I can also do this long distance, by public transport and in the countryside - finding useful points, being able to visualise them and then place myself in the map overlay.

When I need to explain or learn a route, I use body movements, so if I were to be describing how to get from my house to the bus stop, I'd be using my hands to indicate forward x distance, left, left, across the road, left (two big Magnolia trees and the wall round the corner painted brown), straight(ish), left, cross, straight on, guitar shop opposite, Greek shop opposite, hairdresser on left, Block of flats at junction as you look straight ahead and blue pub to the right of that, bus stop.

DP takes the piss out of me - because homing pigeons and other migratory birds have large quantities of magnetite (a mineral) in their beak area which is believed to be sensitive to the Earth's magnetic field and because humans have lesser amounts of it in their bodies, he says 'Come on, Miss Magnetite, get us home'. He could get lost in the kitchen with a dedicated tour guide at times, so he finds this amusing and very useful - particularly when he called once at 5am Sunday morning to say his lift had broken down and somebody else had dropped him in x place 10 miles away, where did he go from there - I logged into the transport planner, used a combination of that, Google streetview and memory and told him 'Are you somewhere safe? Stay there, I'm working on it' and directed him to the nearest bus stop, which bus to catch, how long it would be, things he would see on the route and where it would drop him off near us.

Sorry for the warble. Tl;dr It's a combination of visual and physical memory and then names of streets/locations are tagged on top.

Everything is interrelated and new places are added on like extra sheets as if I were standing on a map.

TooStressyTooMessy · 09/05/2021 10:05

That is helpful, thanks NeverDropYourMoonCup

Annetisa17 · 09/05/2021 10:16

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thelegohooverer · 09/05/2021 16:24

@NeverDropYourMoonCup I remember seeing a programme where they tracked birds (pigeons I think) and discovered that they too, use landmarks to navigate to a certain extent. Instead of taking the most direct “as the crow flies” path, they followed the route of rivers and motorways at times.

HopingForOurRainbowBaby · 10/05/2021 00:37

I can somehow get from A-B but get me to reverse that journey when it involves Turing left or right and I just can't do it. Well I can but I'd end up somewhere totally different to where I started. Came back from Newcastle once (with the help of a satnav) stopped at Whitby for tea before heading home to Bridlington. Turned the satnav off no way can you get lost you stay on the same road all the way back to scarborough and then again all the way into Brid. Well most people wouldn't get lost. I did as soon as I pulled out of the car park I got totally muddled and went back the way I came. Took me ages to work out why there was suddenly a new roundabout on the road back home that wasn't there the previous week. As another poster mentioned I too if I don't scope out where I'm sitting in a restaurant can get lost coming back from the toilet and have often embarrassingly found myself wondering around like a lemon. Same thing happened on a cruise years ago. We all went and found a table big enough for us all and left our stuff there. All went up to the buffet but could I hell as like find my way back. After ages of walking round and around I ended up just sitting at some random empty table to eat my dinner whilst the rest of family came to find me. I'm also horrendous at facial recognition too. if I'm in a crowded place and get separated from someone and they're calling my name. I couldn't place them even if they were stood directly in front of me. First holiday abroad on my own with a Friend and we met a couple of people. Split up in the night and said we'd meet back in our room in the morning. Got back to find out door locked so I stood knocking on it but no answer. By now I'm starting to panic when I hear a it's ok I'm here. Turned round and just started shouting to this person have you seen my friend I can't find her I think something's happened to her. She was like it's ok I'm here and I was like no you don't understand I can't find my friend. It wasn't until she put the card in the door I realised who it was. I felt like a tit and she took the piss for ages. At the time she was was someone I saw regularly for 9 years. I have a brain injury so I do sometimes wonder if that partly contributes to it.

RiverSkater · 10/05/2021 01:08

I'm the same, it's a form of dyspraxia and has a name.
I can't even turn right direction out of the toilets at work.
It's truly debilitating. 😟

castemary · 10/05/2021 01:18

I am like this and have very poor face recognition. Landmarking only helps if landmarks are VERY distinctive. Sometimes I think I know the way because I see a Sainsburys for example, then realise it must be a different Sainsburys as I do not recognise anything else. I can not visualise any journey longer than about a quarter of a mile.
I purposely try not to use GPS except for long journeys to improve my spacial recognition. I still get lost a lot in the city I have lived in for 30 years.

castemary · 10/05/2021 01:22

@NeverDropYourMoonCup sorry it does not help. I am good at paying attention and can recognise places, but I can't get it in my head how places link up. So I can be, oh yes I recognise that house, but I have no idea when I go past it which way I go next.

caringcarer · 10/05/2021 01:28

This has been me all my life. I have no sensr of direction whatsoever. My worst incident, and I have had a few was parking at Warwick Uni when I went for interview. I parked in multistory carpark. I had a banana yellow Metro, which was very easy to spot. I wrote down on floor 3. Went off to interview and given your. I was ready to go home. I saw multistory and made my way to floor 3. No car. Even though I had written down floor 3 I walked right up to top of carpark. Still no car. I saw security man. I reported my car as stolen. I was in tears by this time as only had car 1 month and gift from my Dad. Police called. Eventually they asked if I was sure I had parked at that multistory. I did not know there was more than one. They took me to another and there was my car just where I had left it. I felt so very stupid. To top it all I got list getting back home as before sat navs. I arrived home almost 3 hours late and my Dad had gone out looks Ng for me. I am old so before I had a mobile.

SallyCinnabon · 10/05/2021 15:56

@RiverSkater

I'm the same, it's a form of dyspraxia and has a name. I can't even turn right direction out of the toilets at work. It's truly debilitating. 😟
This is me Blush I went into a public toilet once in a restaurant and it was huge and like a maze, I couldn’t find my way out and ended up opening a cleaning cupboard as I thought it was the door Blush I just couldn’t remember if I turned left or right to go in.

The more and more I learn about myself, I think I might be have a type of dyspraxia. I struggle with multitasking too, can’t type while someone is talking to me for example.

SallyCinnabon · 10/05/2021 15:58

As another poster mentioned I too if I don't scope out where I'm sitting in a restaurant can get lost coming back from the toilet and have often embarrassingly found myself wondering around like a lemon. Same thing happened on a cruise years ago. We all went and found a table big enough for us all and left our stuff there. All went up to the buffet but could I hell as like find my way back. After ages of walking round and around I ended up just sitting at some random empty table to eat my dinner whilst the rest of family came to find me.

I could have written this. Harvesters are the worst, with their dead ends and split levels Blush

JanetWeb2812 · 10/05/2021 17:51

So who would you ask for directions? DH is always being stopped and asked for directions, it even happens when we are away from our home city. Fortunately asking him is a very good move as he has excellent local knowledge. The question is, what is it about him that prompts absolute strangers to choose him in particular?

Scarby9 · 10/05/2021 17:58

I have a very intelligent and capable friend in every other way who also has absolutely no sense of direction.
She can't map read, doesn't kknow left from right and doesn't remember a direction. For example, back in the days when we would go for a mooch round the shops, we would be coming up through town, turn into a shop on our right then when we came out she would turn left back down the street.
It's obviously a very specific part of the brain.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 10/05/2021 18:01

[quote castemary]@NeverDropYourMoonCup sorry it does not help. I am good at paying attention and can recognise places, but I can't get it in my head how places link up. So I can be, oh yes I recognise that house, but I have no idea when I go past it which way I go next.[/quote]
That sounds like a static image with a linear progression to me, whereas the images in my head are 3D, so I can pan in and out/up for a map view and various projections and then know I move [that way] to reach the next fuller detailed section, if you see what I mean?

Actually, that does make me think of something. Do people who struggle with navigation tend to remember things as lists or words, compared to images or movements? So a big white house just means a generic big white house, not the image of the big white house that's on the route you need to get to the little brown house?

CandidaAlbicans2 · 10/05/2021 19:14

No, I have a pretty good sense of direction, but I have a system that helps. As others have said, looking out for landmarks/features that stand out, eg particular buildings, billboards, brightly coloured front doors, unusual trees, etc. I concentrate on my surroundings rather than walk around daydreaming, or looking at my phone, or focusing purely on the sat nav. You have to be engaged in something to form memories. Another tip is to look behind you regularly as things look totally different the other way round.

Some places are trickier than others, such as hotel corridors where it's uniform in appearance, with the same doors, same carpet, same walls. I've done the walk out of the room and head the wrong way because of it 😆

thelegohooverer · 10/05/2021 19:16

@scarby9 that’s exactly what I do. In fact if I’d not sure and my instincts are saying “turn right”, I’ll turn left instead and mostly that’s where I should go.