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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What to bring with me as gift?

16 replies

LilMidge01 · 04/05/2021 11:18

DP and I were together slightly before pandemic but our relationship became serious during and he moved in with me.
I have never met his mum. However, DP is going to go visit his mum later in May and has invited me to come with him. Shes the other end of the country so it doesnt make sense just to go for a day or two so we will be going for a whole week. (Also before covid police jump, she is on her own) It is also her birthday that week, which coincides nicely with the next phase of re-opening.
His mum sounds very sweet and is asking what I would like to eat, thinking of day trips to the seaside etc..
However I have never met her before and I will be staying in her home, and it is her birthday (we plan on treating her to a meal out that evening). Normally I would take something with me when visiting a home for the first time, but am at a bit of a loss as to what is an appropriate gift to bring, considering her birthday also. At Christmas, I sent up some home baked christmas cookies via DP. I also am planning on bringing some board games for evening entertainment that isnt just films etc(DP said this was a good idea, knowing his mum)

Any suggestions of what MNers would like to receive from a first time visiting potential DiL?

Also any general advice on how to be a good DiL as house guest/little things you've appreciated or would appreciate (obviously will offer washing up/cooking/teas etc) will be gladly received!!!

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 04/05/2021 11:24

Flowers are safe and almost always well received.

When my prospective DiLs stay it’s nice to spend some time alone with them on little outings but really just play it by ear, give them some time together and follow their cues.

She sounds nice as do you so I’m sure it will be fine.

Whitney168 · 04/05/2021 11:32

Is she a gardener - a nice plant?

LilMidge01 · 04/05/2021 11:37

Thanks both. Ooh @Whitney168 that's a good idea. I think she is very green fingered from what I understand!

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 04/05/2021 13:45

Flowers definitely.

You sound lovely and thoughtful I am sure she will love you.

Elouera · 04/05/2021 13:54

Are you staying at her house a whole week? I'd personally stay at a hotel nearby to give yourselves some space and you can visit her/have days out, but then relax in the evenings! A week is a LONG time to stay in someones house you don't even know, with the added pressure of it being MIL!

Ask your DP what his mum is into? Or things she certainly isnt into.

  • bunch of flowers and chocolates or a potted plant like an orchid or rose?
  • little hamper of gardening bits- secateurs, gloves, seeds etc
  • one of my MIL is really into scented candles, molten brown hand wash and reed diffusers. The other would find such things offensive and implies that her house smells Confused
PerspicaciousGreen · 04/05/2021 14:06

Why don't you just ask your DP what she likes? Maybe she's got a favourite kind of chocolates, maybe she's got a particular hobby... It's his mum, he ought to know!

IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 · 04/05/2021 15:38

Why not just flowers when you go and then a thank you gift after the visit when you have got to know her and her likes/dislikes a bit better?

StillCoughingandLaughing · 04/05/2021 15:56

@Whitney168

Is she a gardener - a nice plant?
This was my first thought too - especially now you say she’s green-fingered. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it Smile
QueenKit · 04/05/2021 16:03

It's nice that you want to take a gift - and I would play it safe with flowers, nice biscuits, cake etc. BUT leave the birthday gift to your DP to sort out - she's his mum and there's no reason you should be taking this mental load on at any time - let alone when you've never met her!

Plenty of women end up lumbered with sorting out birthday cards, presents, phone calls, visits - all the mental admin. Do yourself a favour and don't start!

LilMidge01 · 04/05/2021 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilMidge01 · 04/05/2021 16:11

@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0

Why not just flowers when you go and then a thank you gift after the visit when you have got to know her and her likes/dislikes a bit better?
I like this idea- thank you! Think I will go with the playing it safe and then can always follow up (assuming we get on well!)
OP posts:
Confusedandshaken · 04/05/2021 16:14

@IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0

Why not just flowers when you go and then a thank you gift after the visit when you have got to know her and her likes/dislikes a bit better?
This is a good idea. A little something at the start, maybe flowers and something home baked and then something more personal and meaningful once you have got to know her and made a connection. And definitely a nice note thank you letter or card afterwards too.
WellLarDeDar · 04/05/2021 16:21

Bake her a cake! :D Everybody loves cake!

bjjgirl · 04/05/2021 16:23

A lovely deck of cards if she plays?

takemetomiami · 04/05/2021 16:39

Well I love flowers and rarely get any, so that would be a win for me. I also love a nice scented candle, and chocolates. I'm easily pleased but I'd be asking your DP for ideas, as he's knows her best.

UpTheJunktion · 04/05/2021 16:51

If I was staying at someone’s house for a week I would take a case of wine. Unless she is teetotal or something.

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