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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Driving one - who was U?

52 replies

ToChangeorNotToChange · 04/05/2021 09:58

I'll start this by clarifying that I'm a fairly new driver (about 6 months in), so genuinely don't know if I made a bit of a whoops or if I came across a colossal arse this morning.

Driving home from the school run, live quite close to a city centre. The last stretch of road is very bendy, highly residential, has a city hospital and a large secondary school next to each other/end of my route. It has two zebra crossings, one on a bend at the top of a small hill. 'Slow' signs everywhere, teenagers walking in big herds, so many bikes and scooters randomly coming to the side of the road at times. One 4 way junction with a lot of cars going every direction during the traffic rush. Obviously 30 miles an hour at best.

This morning I was quite easily hitting 30 on the lower stretch when noticed an SUV tailgating and trying to overtake. We were approaching a bend/hill with traffic coming down the other direction. I maintained speed but obviously had to drop when approaching the zebra crossing - there's no other way of judging if there are kids trying to cross otherwise and some don't bother looking. They continued to tailgate as all traffic slowed near the hospital/next zebra crossing, one sudden break and my small hatchback was in danger of being squished. Pulled into my estate, had to break before making a turn, they followed flashing their lights continuously and undertook before speeding off.

I know this route like the back of my hand, but as I said a fairly new driver. Had my toddler in the back and 9 months pregnant, felt so sick at the worry I'd have to break and cause an accident. I'm generally not an unconfident driver, but this has thrown me. I know AIBU loves to judge a bit of rubbish driving Grin - so did I deserve to be given a bit of a scare or did I just come across an arse who thinks their day is more important than anyone else's?

OP posts:
MrsLion · 04/05/2021 11:15

The other driver was being an arse.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 04/05/2021 11:20

If someone is too close behind you, tap your brakes very lightly so the brake light comes on but you don't actually slow down. Do it repeatedly until they drop back. If they don't pull back then they're an actual maniac and you just need to pull over and let them pass before they cause an accident.

poppycat10 · 04/05/2021 11:21

If you are doing the speed limit and someone is tail gating you, that is their problem not yours.

If it's safe to pull over the let them pass, that might be a good move, as otherwise they annoy you or make you anxious or both. But there is zero need to if you are doing the speed limit and they are not an emergency vehicle.

As others have said, you have as much right to be on the road as anyone else, although some drivers of expensive cars do genuinely seem to think that they have more right to be on the road.

And I also agree that since covid started some drivers have been awful.

poppycat10 · 04/05/2021 11:23

Oh and undertaking is always wrong unless you're in slow-moving lanes of traffic and the left lane moves more quickly than the right-hand one does.

He (and it was almost certainly a he) was an arse.

FixTheBone · 04/05/2021 11:25

Tailgating = massive nob.

It doesn't matter what the speed limit was, how fast you were going or what the road conditions are. Trying to intimidate somebody into changing their driving behaviour, either speeding up pulling over would be an instant fail on any driving test.

There are plenty of legitimate reasons for travelling below the speed limit, it sounds as though you weren't, and no legitimate reason for travelling faster than it.

AnUnoriginalUsername · 04/05/2021 11:25

He was a nob. DH had someone do similar, he was going slower due to a primary school letting out so kids all over and cars parked terribly. When he stopped for the lollypop lady the car flew past him and nearly took everyone out. Some people are just thick.

Bluntness100 · 04/05/2021 11:26

It’s him not you and I get the fright.

I have a three mile country road, no street lights, very narrow, bendy and lots of pot holes to get to my home and one night a man did this to me. He was right up my arse. I did everything from speeding up to slowing down to even putting my fog lights on so he thought it was brakes and pulled back. The only thing I didn’t do was pull over, because firstly there is no where and it would have been dangerous and I didn’t want to be stationary in case it ended up with him blocking me snd doing something bad in a deserted area, with no signal, in the dark. He literally drove on my bumper the whole way.

I’m an advanced driver and confident snd I actually burst into tears when I got home.

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 04/05/2021 11:30

I'm writing this for myself as much as you cos I'm a nervous driver too - you have to not be intimidated by tailgating because you end up focusing too much on what's behind you rather than what's in front of you. You need to do your drive and make decisions based on the hazards in front and let the people behind you do what they want. They won't hit you, they're just being tits.

DH always says to imagine they've just heard their child has been rushed to hospital, which helps with forgiving the behaviour and not stewing over what you should have done differently... Not sure if that's helpful or not though!

AlmostSummer21 · 04/05/2021 11:41

Hopefully by now you accept HE was the dick, not you!

My school run, in part, is a very windy country road. Quite a lot of cyclists and mopeds use it. It changes speed a lot too which doesn't help (60/50/40/50/40) and has a ridiculous junction at the top of it.

I've been driving many many years all over the world, I'm a competent, confident driver.

I will NOT be pushed into over taking the cyclists/mopeds where I don't think it's safe and I NEVER get up the arse of someone else not overtaking.

Never be rushed snd never be intimidated into driving less safely than you are 💐

Movisoul · 04/05/2021 11:47

Even if you had made some kind of driving mistake (which you hadn't) his behaviour is completely wrong. It's aggressive and bullying and likely to cause an accident. We all feel impatient sometimes at someone but I always try to remember that someone might not know the road, might have a child screaming in the back, might be able to see something in front I can't etc. These aggressive people are just dangerous and not fit for the road - yet think they are the best drivers and everyone else is an idiot. The police should be much tougher on these people imo

user1497207191 · 04/05/2021 11:50

From what the OP says about the school, etc., it sounds as if 30 was too high in those conditions, probably 20-25 would have been more reasonable. A lower speed when being tail-gated is also a good idea anyway as it gives you more space to slow and stop if you have to, rather than having to do an emergency stop and the idiot behind ramming into you. I've actually deliberately put my foot lightly on the brake to illuminate the brake lights, when I was once being tailgated by an idiot taxi driver - he had to do an emergency stop (I heard his tyres screech) as he didn't know I wasn't really braking - he kept his distance after that!

lanthanum · 04/05/2021 11:56

Sounds like the driver behind was excessively impatient. Hopefully you were indicating that you were turning before you braked, in which case he should have known that you were likely to slow down to take the corner. It's possible that, as a new driver, you slowed more than most to take the corner (been there, done that), but that's his problem; he should have had enough space behind you to give him time to adjust his speed accordingly.

There is no "minimum speed", so do not let yourself be bullied into driving faster than you are comfortable with.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 04/05/2021 12:01

It’s him not you. That said I’ve flashed people if their break light or rear light was out so worth checking as you don’t really notice lights on the back.

Costaheaven · 04/05/2021 12:36

Could have been a female driver? They were totally unreasonable and trying to bully you. Well done for not giving in to them.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 04/05/2021 12:46

If there was a problem with op’s brake lights as a couple of posters have suggested doesn’t that make the tailgating even more bonkersly irresponsible? If the car ahead of me didn’t have brake lights working properly I would want more space to stop, not less!

Allwokedup · 04/05/2021 12:51

If you were doing the speed limit then he’s an arse. I do see lots of people doing 12 in a 20 though which is really annoying. But if you weren’t then just try and forget him. He was probably on his way to his big penis convention and wanted everyone to know how Important he is.

SarahAndQuack · 04/05/2021 13:01

@TheCountessofFitzdotterel - I was one of the people saying brake lights, and I absolutely meant to imply the other driver was a total knob.

However, IME, the sort of people who tailgate aren't usually blessed with deep wisdom when it comes to their own risk, are they?

Ginuwine · 04/05/2021 13:10

Better to arrive late than never at all.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 04/05/2021 13:12

‘However, IME, the sort of people who tailgate aren't usually blessed with deep wisdom when it comes to their own risk, are they?’

Very true!

amusedbush · 04/05/2021 13:18

I've been tailgated a few times but only once by an absolute arsehole. I was doing about 27mph down a long, straight street that has a primary school on one side and a massive park on the other. Cars park along both sides, buses go up and down, and you wouldn't believe how many people run out from the park or step into the road from between cars.

A guy zoomed round a corner and appeared at the back of me so quickly I got a fright. He was practically in my boot, flashing his lights and gesturing at me. I pulled over as soon as it was safe to do so and he roared past me well above the speed limit.

Fucking prick. Don't let them bully you into driving dangerously.

ColouringPencils · 04/05/2021 13:18

I don't know if there is something in the air today but where I live it was pouring with rain this morning and loads of drivers being absolute dicks on the road, pulling out/ overtaking all over the place.

Hankunamatata · 04/05/2021 13:42

I drive even slower when someone does that

Treacletreacle · 04/05/2021 13:54

My school run consists of a rather long road that actually has 4 schools along it. I would imagine for this reason it's a 20 mph. Sadly it runs parallel with a very busy major road so very often you get arseholes doing 40 or more...this combined with parents who just decide to suddenly indicate and pull in to drop off kids its a real stressful drive. Thankfully my sons school comes out earlier than the other schools and the drive to collect him is a million times more peaceful than the morning drop off. I would say it seems the bigger the car the more of a dick the driver seems.

VeganVeal · 04/05/2021 15:05

Where does it say it was a man? Its just been assumed, a bit like all women drivers cant park!

FeelinHappy · 04/05/2021 15:19

I tend to tap my brakes with tailgaters and be very careful to stay within the speed limit.

I had a couple of awful experiences with idiots when I was new to driving. With 15 years' experience I can now see it was just bad luck, though I was sure it was me at the time. Fake it til you make it with your confidence - stick to the rules, drive within your limits, be predictable to other road users - and you're doing all that already. It's not you, it's them!