Sex after a baby

[Yellowflower1]

So we had a baby 8 months ago. Due to a couple of complications I was advised to abstain from sex from 20 weeks of the pregnancy. I obviously still pleasured my partner (maybe not as much as he would have liked) so fast forward 8 months and we barely have any sexual contact at all 😔 ive asked my partner whats wrong as he said its because our lives revole around our baby, we don't have time to ourselves ( i do agree to an extent) but even when the baby is in bed, he just watches TV and goes to sleep. I just feel like he doesn't find me attractive anymore, before the baby he couldn't keep his hands off me. Its really getting me down
What do i do?

You ‘pleasured’ your partner. Did he do the same for you?! Why is it obvious that you had to do it for him?

I obviously still pleasured my partner (maybe not as much as he would have liked)
I don’t think this is an obvious choice? For me the obvious choice would have been the opposite. If I was shattered and recovering the last thing I’d feel like doing to ‘pleasuring my partner’. If you actually wanted to do this though then obviously I respect your decision.

What do i do?
Speak to your partner.

He didn't pleasure me because of my pregnancy complications. I was happy to do it for him though.

I didn’t have sex from 20 weeks pregnant with both of my pregnancies.

Following the births (two separate pregnancies) we didn’t have sex for well over a year each time.

Sex absolutely was not on my agenda and I think DH sensed that so it wasn’t anything we spoke about. He knew it wasn’t on my radar and so we just plodded on happily until it naturally became part of our lives again.

However, sex clearly is on your agenda so you need to speak to your partner about it.

Maybe he thinks you’re too tired for it, or that you aren’t thinking about it etc so is actually doing the decent thing (in his eyes) by not pushing the issue or trying to initiate sex.

Maybe if you tell him you want to start having sex again then things will naturally change?

Of course, if you have told him and he’s going out of his way to avoid having sex with you then that’s a whole other issue entirely.

If you chose to pleasure him then that's your business, some people do enjoy it.

Has anything else changed? I imagine he's just tired more now. I don't want sex when I'm tired or had a long day, I don't expect to want sex much once we have a baby. Could you have a date night and leave DS with one of your parents so you can have a night being a couple again?

Don't let it hit your confidence, things change when babies come along, if the only thing that's changed is lack of sex I'd say that's totally normal

Thank you guys. I think we need to do a date night ( difficult with covid) he really wouldnt be keen on going to sit outside somewhere. So maybe one at home once baba is in bed. Thanks again😘