Should I leave him to it?

[Moffact]

My partners dad passed away a few years ago (I didn't know him then) and tomorrow would've be his birthday. Partner says that later he's going to go to the pub and have quite a few drinks (like he did last year the day before the anniversary of his dads death but I wasn't living with him then). I've told him that it won't help him so he shouldn't but he thinks it will. Would you just let him get on with it and go for drinks? I'd also have to look after our baby alone if he did get drunk so I'm just not sure.

Wwyd?

Hope he has an umbrella and a warm coat.

posts like this make me angry because you don't have a clue about how privileged you are to not know how he is feeling.

Just leave him to it. It will be a hard day for him. Look after your baby and let him grieve however he sees fit.

"I've told him that it won't help so he shouldn't".

What precisely have you based this assessment on?

It’s a little ritual that he started before you lived together and you are telling him he shouldn’t go??It’s his feelings and his ‘thing’. Let him go. What’s the big deal? Surely you can look after the baby overnight? What would you do if your partner has to go away with work or something or you were a single parent?
Do you normally not allow him to go out of the house?

why are you incapable of looking after your baby alone ?

Why would you try and stop him? Why can't you look after your baby on your own?

It’s one evening of looking after your baby alone I’m sure you’ll survive. It’s not for you to dictate how your partner grieves.

I don’t think you’ll be able to stop him, but getting twatted on his own on his late father’s birthday is a pretty unhealthy way to cope with the loss.

I wouldn't try and stop him, I just told him it probably wouldn't help, I do let him go out the house. I am capable of looking after him but DS never settles at night and only does if one of us hold him and we usually take it in turns so We aren't exhausted the next morning.

I think one day is fine - you will cope being shattered one day. I'd let him get on with it

Let him go and be gentle if he comes back plastered. It's not convenient for you but if this is his way of coping, then so be it.

Sorry it's a pain for you though, hope your LO gets to sleep quickly tonight!

Let him go and get pissed for one night to mourn the anniversary of his dads death. You are making this about you when it is about him. Just let him know you are there for him and don't moan about having to look after your baby all night (and quite possibly in the morning too if he is hungover) it sounds like this happens once in a blue moon. Only if it were a regular thing or he did awful things when he was drunk, would I be wary about it.

I just told him it probably wouldn't help

Don’t say that again. In fact you should apologise for saying that.

It’s really not for you to dictate how he wants to grieve, provided he isn’t harming himself or anyone else. In fact, it would be kinder to be supportive instead of passing judgement on what he wants to do to mark the anniversary.

There's no reason why you can't look after your baby alone for a little bit

Well quite. This is everyday life for plenty of women and they simply get on with it.