Toxic mum

[Ljh2020a]

Hi I’m new and would like any info/ help.
First of all my mum says she suffers with “candida overgrowth” which I’ve read is a questionable illness in itself but unlike other “sufferers I’ve read about, my mum is housebound .
She never leaves the house not even to go into her garden BUT she’s very capable of moving house ALOT ( roughly 20 times in 8 years)
She’s been like this for over 20 years .. as far as I can see there is nothing ‘physically wrong’ she says she has really bad indigestion and bloating which stops her leaving the house . She also has continually used a strong nasal spray 3 x a day for years.
I’ve done everything for her, shopping / cleaning etc
I met my partner 2 years ago ( btw I am in my 30s) we have a child together .
my partner and I got engaged and told my mum who didn’t really say anything or get excited . We told her a few months back that we are thinking of getting married may 2021 .. again she was not excited or anything for us.
We fell out over something minor and she didn’t speak to me for 3 weeks , in this 3 weeks we booked a registry office for June 2021 . My sister texted me to say mum wants to talk life is too short , so I rang her and we had a conversation about what happened in the last 3 weeks , I proceeded to tell her we have a date for the wedding ... first thing she said was “that’s not very romantic “ (???) and “ why can’t you wait till I get better “ I then said “ I’m not being funny mum but when will that be ?”
anyway shesaid someone was at the door and put the phone down .. half an hour later my pregnant sister rang me ( due in June 2021) giving me abuse about how disgusting I am to book a wedding at the same time she is due to give birth and how I’ve took the limelight off her !
I never spoke to them for 8 weeks and yesterday my sister rang me to again shout I’m disgusting so I rang my mum who said befor I could talk that I’m dead to her if I get married !
My question is .. am I wrong ? Is my my mum suffering from anxiety and candida is a smoke screen ? What would you do ? Do I cut ties or cancel my wedding ?
Oh they did say I will look ridiculous in a white dress aswel so now fee self conscious about the big day anyway now . Thanks

Do yourself the biggest favour of your life and stop listening to these gaslighting fuckwits. Don't allow them to control your life because your choices have nothing to do with them.

Do not cancel your wedding!
What’s was the chances of your mum going to your wedding anyway if she hasn’t left the house for years, and like you say she’s not going to get better anytime soon.
Your mum and sister haven’t been very nice at all so I’d be wanting to keep them at arms length for your own happiness.
Have your wedding, be happy, it’s your life and you can’t cancel big moments like this because other people aren’t happy.

Stop contacting them and make a new life for yourself.

Cut these selfish self absorbed abusers out of your life. Block and do not look back.

Good luck with your Wedding 🥂

Time to have your own family.

Well I can kinda see your sisters point if you knew she was due in June, not for taking limelight but more that she may not be able to attend. The rest though.... Fuck that! Who's been doing her shopping etc for her in the NC stages?

Agree it's a bit off to book your wedding the same time your sister is due!!

But your mum sounds mentally unwell as opposed to a physical condition and her behaviour is strange.

Do not cancel your wedding. I might issue entirely normal and appropriate invites as if all was well (because you sound like a kind person) but after that expect them to not turn up and instead, begin building a new life and family with your partner.
They sound bewildering.
You can't choose your family OP, but you can build a network of supportive and loving friendships which will be better.
The very best of luck, and have a lovely wedding day.

What obnoxious people. Perhaps you need to get on with your own life and try not to let them get to you.

@Aquamarine1029

Do yourself the biggest favour of your life and stop listening to these gaslighting fuckwits. Don't allow them to control your life because your choices have nothing to do with them.

All of this ^^!!

I can understand why your sister is annoyed. A wedding at the same
Time as having a baby due or born will be difficult for her.

But your mum is just bad news. Nobody needs that negative energy around them.

Your mum is clearly self obsessed, I doubt she is as severely limited as she makes out, it sounds more like laziness and controlling your time. She is being off about the wedding because it it yours, and shifts a step away from her narcissistic controlling ways. Your sister is cut from the same cloth! If her argument was "you booked it for my due dilate which means I can't attend" she would have a point, but her objection is about the attention, true colours shown there!! Get married, be happy, live your life with your own beautiful family

^ due date, although dilate also works

Why have you been doing shopping and cleaning for your mum just because she can't leave the house?

If she is there all the time she can clean surely, and shopping online has never been easier.

I do think planning to marry around the same time your sister is due to give birth is a bit odd, but clearly we don't have the full story.

With regards to cutting out toxic mum - do it. I only wish I had cut mine off sooner. The sense of relief is so wonderful.

June has 30 days in it ..

is OP meant to avoid all of June (Summer) on the off chance her Sister gives birth on one of those 30 days ?

Your mum owes you a debt of gratitude.

It doesn't sound like she's aware or respectful of your right to a fulfilling life.

If you don't do what you need to do to be happy, it wouldn't surprise me if you became ill, too.

This is entirely her choice if she cuts you off.

They don't like the fact that your new life has meant that you are not there running after them 24/7.
Go get your own life- go get married and enjoy your life without them!