Unintentional weight loss AIBU

[Cdplayers]

I've been ill will Covid 19 and luckily avoided any issues with breathing, which I'm grateful for.

I have, however, felt constantly sick and unable to eat normally, sometimes being sick when I've managed to eat a reasonable amount.

Over the last couple of months this has caused my weight to drop noticeably (not dangerously so in itself, but quickly).

I'm unhappy with feeling rough constantly and having no energy, but also that my clothes are too big now and I just feel like I look awful.

'D'H doesn't agree. He actually said I could stand to lose a few kilos from where I started, as I was 'verging' on overweight - whatever this means.

I don't think I was. I felt healthy and strong and my BMI was in the middle of the healthy range for my weight. Now it's towards the bottom, apparently I look better, and he'd have preferred it all along, as I'm currently at the weight I was when we met over ten years ago.

He thinks he's just being honest and it was reassurance that I don't look worse, which I said myself.

Is that fair, or am I right to think that he's out of order to basically tell me I got too big for him our whole relationship and he's pleased I'm so ill I've lost it all?!

BMI was in the middle of the healthy range for my height*

Well, you know your DH better than we do, so only you can judge his motivation!
Being charitable, I would guess he was very worried when you were ill with a potentially fatal condition, and is now trying to minimise the weight loss to reassure himself that it was a “good thing” rather than a symptom of serious illness.
And perhaps clumsily trying to reassure you that you still look attractive, too.

I don't think either of you are wrong. He's tried to reassure you that you don't look awful now but he's gone about it in the wrong way and you're understandably upset. I think you're a bit out of order with the "he's pleased I've been so ill" assumption though - assuming he loves you I highly doubt this is the case and thinking that way isn't helpful.

If you're looking for an argument then you've found one. If you're willing to forgive the clumsiness and gently chide him for it, then you've got another way to go. Up to you which you want.

Yeah that was a shit thing for him to say. No one should make the mistake of saying that, even if they do think it.

I'm not sure about clumsiness - he has literally said this is his preference, and he'd have have liked me this way all along.

He said I look better now, as a result of this, in response to me saying I was unhappy.

Firstly though - have you spoken to your doctor about the weight loss and ongoing sickness? You should get medical help with this problem.

What you do about your 'D'H I don't know. I would struggle to let that go by tbh. That was a really shitty thing to say to someone at any time, but even more so when caused by illness.

I think you're a bit out of order with the "he's pleased I've been so ill" assumption though - assuming he loves you I highly doubt this is the case and thinking that way isn't helpful

This is spot on

Nobody with good intentions would say to somebody who had been in the middle of the healthy BMI words to the effect of 'Don't knock it, you were looking a bit porky before, so it's done you a favour as I find the ill/borderline underweight you more sexually attractive, really'.

And before there's the inevitable post THIS IS NOT AUTISM.

I would buy a load of new clothes. Nothing he would find 'sexy', though.

I would be more concerned about the unintentional weightloss and why this is happening.
See your GP

I think you're overthinking this. I would laugh and tease my husband if he put his foot in it like that. If you were happy with your old BMI then I'm sure you'll get back to it now that you're feeling better. Would you generally be a very sensitive person?

It's a crap thing to say when like you've said it's unintentional weight loss as a result of illness.

Is this what they call long covid?

He might think you look better but you are not well.

He could probably have been more tactful, but he’s not wrong with what he’s saying. It’s not bad of him to think you’re more attractive without extra weight that you don’t need than with it, he is just being honest. We all have preferences like that if we’re honest.

Baconking, weight loss with Covid is not unusual. It’s a severe viral fever. I lost ten pounds in under two weeks with it, before being hospitalised.
OP, you will probably find the weight gradually goes back on as your appetite improves and the nausea recedes.
Unless you actually want to keep it off, by tweaking your diet.
Don’t try any strenuous exercise for a while yet though. Covid can damage the lungs and heart, so pace yourself gently.

Pretty much the same thing happened to me - long covid, completely lost appetite and dropped from my “comfy” weight to my “ideal” weight (also all within healthy BMI so we’re talking vanity pounds here). Honestly, I looked like shit. Sure I was thinner, but in a serious illness way, not a smokin toned bod way. If my DH had told me it was fine as I could stand to lose a few kilos, I’d have been upset too. Maybe he did mean it kindly, but it’s pretty insensitive. I’d rather have been a bit plumper and not been ill for 9 months.

I think that regardless of everything else, you need to see your GP to make sure it is long Covid rather than anything else.

Oh, I forgot - this is MN, where being thinner is always better and 'free' weightloss from being ill is a bonus.

I'm sure had you said your illness had led to a significant unintentional weight gain and he'd said he was happy you were larger as he prefers you overweight, there would have been different responses.

Honestly op. I think most men would prefer their partners slim but have the sense not to say it. It doesn't mean he doesn't fancy you at your normal weight in the way that I think men with defined abs are really attractive and if my dh suddenly and unlikely developed them I'd be thrilled but it wouldn't mean I wouldn't fancy him as he is.

It sounds like he was trying to say you look nice at your current weight to reassure you as you were feeling uncomfortable in your own skin. There isn't anything wrong with having a preference. If he said it to you at your larger size then that would have been more unreasonable. Or if he said he liked you bigger while you're struggling with your appetite then that would have been unreasonable.

He thinks you were verging on overweight when you were, in fact, a healthy weight? How weird.