Boss playing favourites with social media

[everydayiwritethebook]

A few years ago after a restructure, new bosses came in to my work. I was on leave when they started, but received a Facebook friend request from my new boss, as did all my colleagues, despite never having met me. I accepted it, despite thinking it a bit strange.

A couple of years later, I had to take out a grievance at work, which I won. I won't go into the details, as it was quite complicated, but it wasn't against my boss, but a legal matter. I won the grievance.

Not long after, I noticed that my boss had blocked me on Facebook. She has now unblocked me, but I'm not friended. All of my colleagues remain as Facebook friends. Since lockdown we've been working from home, and she has mentioned things that she's posted on social media on the work WhatsApp group, telling people to look at them. The most recent is pictures of her new granddaughter. I know I shouldn't, but I feel deliberately left out, and it feels like this unfriending has been used in an almost bullying manner. I don't think there is anything I can do about it without looking needy and petulant, but it feels like I've been excluded from the rest of my colleagues to make some sort of point. Is it unreasonable to feel this way? It all feels very juvenile, but has made me feel very uncomfortable!

I should add that apart from this one thing, in general she's been ok as a boss. It's just this that feels rather unprofessional to me.

If she's gone to the effort of unblocking you then she just wanted to snoop your profile. Block her. It's not like she can get huffy about it.

I would assume that she had something snarky to say about you or the situation at the time of blocking you but she was just being a gobshite online and didn't actually want you to see it.

Maybe she’s not aware? Thought that if she’d unblocked you it means you’re also FB friends?

@LadyWithLapdog I suppose that's possible. I feel like I'm overthinking this!

@OhRene I don't really want to block her, it feels a bit petty to do so!

Maybe she thinks you’re Fb friends already and wondering why you never like her posts.

@LadyWithLapdog I think she knows I'm not on her friends list.

I’ve never been fb friends with mangers etc until I’ve left a company. Would be really weird to be!

@Onesnowynight me neither - I was a bit taken aback when she added everyone before she was even in post!

I don't have facebook etc, but I know people who have had managers and colleagues on there and it seems to cause nothing but trouble! At a previous workplace a lot of people were mingling together on facebook, I was in a senior position and some of the other managers would use facebook, snapchat etc to snoop on their staff, even checking if they were online during work hours, I just thought it was unkind. If I were you, I'd be glad to get rid of her from there. Just block her yourself now

If the grievance didn't involve your boss, it still makes sense for her to have put some distance between you and her out of work so that due process could be followed without the waters being muddied.

Her recent behaviour might be petty but it doesn't matter. Do you need to be in group WhatsApp groups?

@LolaSmiles unfortunately I do have to be in the work WhatsApp group.

Is it through a work mobile number? Could you put the conversation on mute out of work hours?

Apologies if these sound silly questions, but wouldn't any official work requests go through work channels such as emails.

@LolaSmiles we don't have work mobiles, it's through personal numbers.

I'd create anew fb account. Or I'd cancel it altogether, for even just a few weeks. Re set the tone to suit you.

I've no idea what sector you're in but it strikes me that nobody should be disadvantaged in the workplace by not being in a social whatsapp group, and if being a member of that group is essential for work matters then the conpany/organisation should be providing the phones. I've been in team whatsapp groups, but it's been purely social either a few friendly reminders, and all proper work communication went through emails.

Your manager doesn't sound like a very good manager if work business is tied up with discussing photos of her family on social media.

@LolaSmiles it's public sector. Local Government.

In which case the work phone sounds silly now. Manager definitely sounds out of order to me.

Could you get a 'new' number, and remove all colleagues from Facebook, then only check the WhatsApp during the day. If you miss anything because manager is relying on WhatsApp messages, I doubt she has any comeback.

I also work in local government and that sort of behaviour would be flagged against our dignity at work policy. Especially if you can show that she's excluding you after you brought a grievance.

@Tickledtrout I do think it is very unprofessional.

It's not petty. Remember, SHE blocked you. What could she say or think?

Once you block someone it automatically un-friends too so if you wish to be friends again, you have to request. She won't do that because it will make it obvious to you that you were unfriended or blocked.

To unblock someone you have to go into a specific section and it take a little effort. She's unblocked you to snoop on your profile, that's it. Depending on your privacy options, she's probably a bit annoyed she didn't automatically go back to having open access as a friend too.

@OhRene I've only just realised that she follows me on Instagram!! (I hardly ever post on there).

Another local government worker here. I am amazed considering how hot local government is on data protection that she's allowed to set up a work related What's App on workers' personal phones. So unprofessional. What if it's social work or child protection, you can't discuss those matters on your own phone. Why on earth isn't she using email?
It's a different matter all together if colleagues choose to set up a friendship group on Facebook or What's App for non related work issues outside of work time. I'm shocked.

Everytime she says go and have a look at such and such, reply, can't do that since you blocked me/no longer connected on fb/appears we are no longer friends/can't access your page, including a screen shot. 😁

I have all my team on fb including manager. However it can cause problems. I want to unfriend one because she is a greedy dishonest person and I did unfriend another because he was putting up seedy sexual stuff on his fb page and I didn't want my young kids to see 9 they were young at the time ). He noticed I had unfriended him when he tried to tag us all in some work photo and I had to re-add him. So yes it can cause issues.