Teens

[LesleyA]

My kids have reached their teens and I’m afraid I haven’t taught them the things I would have liked them to learn when they were young. Tennis, to ride a bike really well, domestic stuff. Feels so late as they are so busy with other stuff. Had hopes of being that mum who takes her kids to park runs every Saturday and the kids are keen to go. Not looking for criticism or to be appeased. Want to know what you think are skills that I can help them catch up on now and skills you’re glad your kids learned- please

I am assuming they can swim? If not that would be first on my list. Riding a bike shouldn’t take long at their age - a couple of afternoons at a park on flat ground. Domestic stuff mine learnt to cook, basic stuff that can be adapted like bolognaise sauce that can be turned into lasagne, chilli etc _ a few basic dishes then build from there. Get them responsible for 1 meal a week. One of mine resisted “learning” how to put a double duvet cover on but got there in the end!

Don't fret, you'll have taught them more than you realise.

Here are some ideas:

a) you mentioned parkrun, so get them along. If they don't run, then volunteer whilst you do. Bribe with coffee/cakes afterwards
b) teach some basic cooking skills
c) including baking and decorating at least one cake
d) how to sew on a button, how to tackle clothes repairs, further sewing skills if interested
e) grow something to eat (in a garden or in a pot)
f) touch-typing - one of my DC is excellent, and I wish I'd been more insistent with the others

I wouldn't worry too much, I'm sure you've taught them more than you realise!

I've got 2 young adult DS and my aim is that they will not turn into the type of useless boyfriends and husbands that we read about so often on here. I would suggest:
Doing the washing
Cleaning a bathroom properly
Cutting the lawn
Cleaning a car, checking oil and tyres
How to use a drill to put up shelves, etc
General painting and decorating skills
Basic cooking
How to manage a household budget

However, I think the softer skills are actually more important. Things like how to look after someone when they're not feeling well, caring for pets, being considerate of nature and the environment. Anything that will help them understand what it means to be a decent human being

Sit down with them and make a list of stuff they think they need to learn before they reach 16/18. their ideas might be different from yours but if everyone gets to choose 6 things, then you have a good list.

Swimming and cycling - definitely a priority. DS2 is dyspraxic and has a physical disability, so he struggled to swim even after scores of lessons. We went together once a week when he turned 13 and he went from swimming about 3 strokes to swimming a kilometer within 6 months and swimming a mile within a year. He was so proud of himself.

Cooking a couple of easy every day dishes and an easy dish to serve to friends.

Sewing on a button.

Cleaning shoes.

Doing their laundry.

Shaving (got Dh to teach them this.)

How to manage a budget. Really important.

How to apologise if they are in the wrong and how to forgive if someone else is.

How to apologise if they are in the wrong and how to forgive if someone else is

That's a really important one.

And I'd add the importance of not holding grudges.

And a few more

• how to knock out a good thank you letter, and understand his nice it is to get personal letters on the mat. And that in business, they have disproportionate good impact
• how to shake hands (no wet lettuces, please)
• some basic home maintenance (how a cistern works can save you a fortune in call out fees)
• first aid (send them in a course)
• how to play whist
• learn a poem off by heart (make it a family challenge - or a forfeit)
• how to hide how much you despise an activity, so you can donsinethung you hate for 30 mins to give pleasure to someone else (reminding them what they were like as toddlers might ease this one!)

Resilience
Kindness
Gratitude
Budgeting
Mental health awareness
Evidence based thinking

Thank you everyone such great ideas, practical every day life skills as well as those soft skills which I hadn’t thought of. So appreciate your responses.

Well done on your son’s swimming. Amazing that he persevered but even more amazing that you did.

Reading with interest as in same boat

-How to tell what is a good source of news or information on the internet and what is not
-What to do if out and about and you lost your phone
-Planning journeys - flights, long train and tube journeys etc

How to put a plug on. I had to do this the other day, and I can't remember the last time I did it because so many things come with the plug already on.

How to change a lightbulb. Seriously, I once did this for a neighbour who claimed she didn't know how.

Some basic DIY that I never learned and am too old now: how to drill a hole in masonry and put a wall plug in.

How to decorate: preparing wood, hanging wallpaper etc.

Repotting houseplants, planting stuff outdoors.

I think most kids learn cooking and domestic kids properly when teens (if they learn at all) because it can be a little dangerous before then (knives, fire, chemicals).

So def not to late to teach them and try and get them to be in charge of dinner every so often.

I think swimming is the most important, I read that most people who drown were not planning to enter the water.
After that, learning to use public transport.
Internet security.
How to avoid getting sucked into the perfect instagram beauty/filters stuff.
Basic banking, APR, that sort of stuff.
Basic home maintenance, changing a plug, knowing about the fuse box, how to turn off the water and gas.
What are their hobbies?
If nothing specific how about joining Air, Sea or Army cadets? They learn so much there and its a good thing to have on a CV.

Driving lessons at 17, my parents did it for me and I’m very grateful. (I know not everyone can afford it, but I think it’s worth prioritising if you can.)
Chores without gendering.. dishes, laundry, lawn mowing, etc.
Budgeting - mine had proper bank accounts with debit cards from around 11 or 12, they learn that way when the stakes are small, and less likely to mess up when they are older and the stakes are bigger.
Cooking.

My teen wasn't taught most of this, I was too busy bringing her up on a daily basis to teach her wallpapering.
You know what, she manages perfectly well with her Boyfriend in their flat, they teach themselves using YouTube, or gives me a call for advice.

i've utterly failed to teach mine to ride bikes. it just doesn't fit in our lives (nowhere safe to ride near here).

for cooking, I ask them to help me cook - chop veg / drain pasta etc. The more time they spend with me cooking, the more they can learn even without formal lessons. Similarly, they have to do chores like laundry so then they learn that.

I also gave DD (at 13) a budget & free rein (a bit) to redecorate her bedroom so she learnt to paint a room & think about decor etc.

I never learnt to wallpaper or actually a lot of those things before leaving home . Never learnt since to wallpaper either but picked up most of the rest on the way. So don't panic. I think teens like learning stuff from utube. My ds was happier pottering around doing that when cooking than practicing with me and he can cook well now. I think it's surprising what they are picking up as they go along just watching us too.
Think it's good to be used to making their own dental/ doctor appointments

@Serin's and @Tuesdaysintheazores's internet advice is so useful. I have no idea how you wean them off the idea that success and happiness in life is not measured by instagram likes. I wish I could.