This awkward family situation has arisen and I really hate things like this which cause conflict in families, and don’t want to upset anybody 😥
My cousin got married three years ago. My cousin is around the same age as me, late 30’s and we don’t really see him that often, get on absolutely fine when we do see him and my aunt and uncle, but wouldn’t say we are especially close. Sorry if this one ends up being long.
My parents, and DH and I, were invited to his first wedding, quite a big affair. Although this is obviously not my cousins problem, it cost my husband and I a small fortune to attend (dog had to go into kennels, DH needed a new outfit as he literally did not own anything suitable for a summer wedding, then we stayed over at the venue because it was nowhere near home and in a very rural area. At the time, we did not mind doing this because he’s family obviously.
(I’ve not seen my cousin or aunt and uncle since then, no one’s fault, just life and then covid).
My cousin’s marriage lasted around a year, and they are now divorced. We have absolutely no idea what went wrong, I haven’t asked. I sent my cousin a message of support when I found out they had separated saying that I was sorry to hear. My dad did ask my uncle what had gone wrong but he was very cryptic and gave a jokey reply, obviously my dad did not push the issue because it’s not really his business but it just ended so abruptly.
He got into a new relationship a couple of months after separating from his wife. They got engaged earlier this year. We were quite surprised at the speed of it all. Once more, we have been invited to his wedding and it is a similar style of day, big hotel etc. Covid permitting of course, it is booked for towards the end of this year. DH and I have been invited.
The only thing is, we are in the process of selling our house and buying a new build.. The new house is estimated to be ready in the autumn although we don’t have an exact date completion date just yet. We are putting EVERY spare penny we can towards our move.
I’ve also got a health problem that makes staying away from home quite difficult at times and I’ve had some terrible flareups in recent times, and all this combined means we just do not wish to go to my cousin’s second wedding (The money is the main issue). My parents are currently in two minds about going. My mum said that they feel the whole thing is a little bit of a joke due to the speed of which he divorced his first wife and is marrying the second one who he hardly knows. That’s his business though I suppose.
DH and I have RSVP’d with what I felt was quite a nice card, saying something along line lines of, “Dear , thank you for inviting us to share your special day, we are so sorry that we will not be able to attend but we wish you every happiness for your future together, love from etc.”
And... well basically WW3 has erupted in my family! I’ve not had any contact from my cousin since sending the RSVP back however my uncle phoned up my dad and had a huge go at him, asking for precise reasons as to why myself and DH wouldn’t be coming. My dad said that it was our decision.
What I would like to know is, whether I am BU for not wanting to go to the wedding, bearing in mind the huge financial outlay to attend the first wedding and the fact that we are saving very hard for our new house?! We were going to send him a small gift and a card closer to the time.