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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

They want me not to mix whilst they visit.

18 replies

Bobbiebigbum · 02/05/2021 18:59

Basically my parents are visiting mid May and staying nearby at a caravan site (they have a touring caravan). They are staying for 3 weeks. I just spoke to my mum about whether I can go out one Monday night to a meditation group I am interested in which is restating as of tomorrow. My dad has been vaxed, she hasn't - her choice. I haven't because of my age, but I had Covid about 6 months ago so it's highly likely I have some antibodies. She basically said no. Problem is I'm a single mum and never get to go out without the kids and it's getting to me. I question the whole point of them visiting if they can't even help with the boys, and will just watch me struggle on, without a break. I have told her I will wear a mask, distance myself and the room will be very well ventilated with open doors. Who is being U? I don't want to lock myself away the whole 3 weeks they are here. It is really going to drag!

OP posts:
shivawn · 02/05/2021 19:06

They are being unreasonable. 3 weeks is too long to expect to dictate what you do and who you see. As you say, your mother had the option to get the vaccine but didn't so thats her problem not yours. Id explain that you have some social engagements that you have to attend that month and suggest a shorter stay.

Pinkpaisley · 02/05/2021 19:08

If I was them I would just plan a shorter visit that matches the length of time you are comfortable only seeing them.

EileenGC · 02/05/2021 19:09

You are an adult and free to do as you please. It’s not your fault your mum didn’t take the vaccine, and if you need a break then you need a break. If they don’t want to do childcare whilst you’re out then you need to sort it separately, but they can’t demand you don’t see anyone for 3 weeks.

Will the kids be in school/nursery? Does your mum expect they stay at home not mixing for 3 weeks too?

NailsNeedDoing · 02/05/2021 19:09

Would they babysit if you weren’t going to be in a group with other people? Like if you said you were going for a walk or to the supermarket or something?

ClarkeGriffin · 02/05/2021 19:09

She is. Tell her to bugger off and not come if she wants to dictate your life. She didn't get the vaccine so she must not be that worried about covid. She can't then say you can't do other stuff whilst they are nearby.

SunbathingDragon · 02/05/2021 19:11

I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable. If you don’t want to stay in, then you just need to make sure your parents know that and then they can make the decision whether they still see you or not.

SonnyWinds · 02/05/2021 19:11

YABU and SIBU.

  • If your parents are visiting then they are not childcare for you. If you can't see the point in seeing your parents unless they provide you will free childcare then that's really sad and hurtful. I'd be upset to know that someone I was visiting thought the only point in visiting was to be free childcare for them
HOWEVER
  • She declined the vaccine and is scared of getting Covid? Does she has a valid justification for this?
  • They do not get to dictate what you do with your free time, who you see or where you go. That is entirely your choice. You are an adult.
  • Three weeks is a very long time to be locked up inside a house - I'd go insane. Is that really what's being suggested?

So, in conclusion, my opinion is YABU for thinking that guests visiting you are only there to provide you with free childcare and SIBU for thinking she gets to decide who you see and when - let alone keep you prisoner for three weeks because she won't get vaccinated.

shivawn · 02/05/2021 19:15

YABU for thinking that guests visiting you are only there to provide you with free childcare

She asked them to watch their grandchildren for a few hours one evening. Confused This would be a completely normal thing that a grandmother would normally be happy to do. From the sounds of things they don't live close by and don't often get to see them.

SonnyWinds · 02/05/2021 19:18

@shivawn

YABU for thinking that guests visiting you are only there to provide you with free childcare

She asked them to watch their grandchildren for a few hours one evening. Confused This would be a completely normal thing that a grandmother would normally be happy to do. From the sounds of things they don't live close by and don't often get to see them.

She said "I question the whole point of them visiting if they can't even help with the boys".
Original poster
Bobbiebigbum · 02/05/2021 19:34

Yes I'm only asking them to babysit approx 6.30 to 9.30om one night per week during their 3 week stay. Yes my children are both in primary and mixing in classes of 30 per day. Perhaps they are not planning on coming indoors at all and just meeting me outside. I don't think they realise how much I am struggling not being able to go out on my own of an eve for over a year now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bobbiebigbum · 02/05/2021 19:35

*9.30pm

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 02/05/2021 19:39

I wouldn’t see the point in parents who wouldn’t watch my kids for a few hours visiting either. You can’t expect to be on the receiving end of familial sentiment that you don’t give.

KizzyMoo · 02/05/2021 20:16

YABU op they want to see you all not babysit. I adore my nieces and nephews but when I go to visit I don't expect my sister and BIL to piss off out.

DungeonKeeper · 02/05/2021 20:22

@KizzyMoo

YABU op they want to see you all not babysit. I adore my nieces and nephews but when I go to visit I don't expect my sister and BIL to piss off out.
Seriously? They’re visiting for 3 weeks. Why would they not offer to give the OP a break as a single mum.
needsahouseboy · 02/05/2021 20:23

It’s 3 weeks not 1 night they are visiting!! I’ve offered to babysit fur friends if give to stay with them and I knew they never got the chance to go out.
She’s a single mum and needs a break.

needsahouseboy · 02/05/2021 20:24

Forgive the many typos there!!

ThatIsMyPotato · 02/05/2021 20:27

YANBU If they are your support bubble they are allowed in and you can do what you want within the rules. Also I'm assuming it was her choice not to get the vaccine and she doesn't have a health reason not to.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/05/2021 20:30

I question the whole point of them visiting if they can't even help with the boys

Surely they are here to see their daughter and grandchildren, are they only allowed to visit if they provide childcare?

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