Family member rehoming pets constantly

[YukiCarrot]

Hi all,

Looking for some advice and guidance on the following situation please.

I have a family member, who is mentally ill with depression, they are in their 50s, never been responsible and can never be settled or committed to anything long-term - job, house, family, friends, relationships etc.

However, he is obsessed with dogs. He has now had multiple pet dogs, from a puppy, which he ends up rehoming and giving up within a year or less.

The ones he has had from a puppy are never trained properly, and end up having problematic behaviour issues because of him.

Said family member has now found a new puppy he wants to purchase, and I feel like I need to say something as the poor dog will suffer.

How can I frame the conversation? Is there ever an easy way to do this please? AIBU to stick my nose in?

Yanbu to stick your nose in. If anything you must.

I don't think there is easy way to have that conversation tbh. Can you try to get advice from Mind on how to approach it? I don't think law can prevent ownership unless serious neglect happned sadly.

I don't blame you for wanting to intervene but I think it depends on the relationship. I'd speak to a brother or a parent but I wouldn't probably tackle an uncle or a cousin. How close are you? How much do you see this person? If they are ill, do they ask you for support or input?

I guess it's the original "It upsets me when..." type statements and stay away from any "You shouldn't" statements. You want to guide him towards deciding for himself according to his own values that he doesn't want to keep repeating this behaviour.

On positive note, at least he realises he's not providing a good home for the animals, he is taking steps to get them a better home when it doesn't work out.

From a breeder? I would find out who and have a private word...
MH or not it's sickening

YANBU

Do you know who the breeder is? If so, have a word with them directly.

If they're not completely shit breeders they'll decline to sell to him.

Could you encourage him to channel his love of dogs more appropriately - eg by volunteering at the local rescue centre?

Thanks all.

Talking to the breeder is a brilliant idea. Family member told me enough details that I've managed to find them on Pets4Home just now, confident it's the correct one as pictures and info all match up.

It really pisses me off. What's more is said family member is on benefits for depression, just finished paying off a ton of debt, and now wants to splash out another £2700(I know) on this pup which he will end up giving up like all the ones before. Its like he never learns, so feel like I really need to talk to him, but scared he will be pissed off and throw a tantrum.

How do they afford it? Both to buy and feed. Yanbu to want to break this cycle, it is not fair on the pups.

Yanbu to do all you can to stop another puppy being homed with him.

@LIZS

How do they afford it? Both to buy and feed. Yanbu to want to break this cycle, it is not fair on the pups.

He honestly can't afford it, but he doesn't live in reality sometimes. I don't know if he puts the initial purchase on a credit card or something but the entire situation is tiring and ridiculous in the fact it keeps repeating itself.

Last dog he had to borrow money off me to go to the vets with it. I paid up as didn't want the poor pooch to suffer.

Pointless talking to the seller because surely he will just find someone else to buy one from . If you feel that strongly about it , and you should , you should bite the bullet and say your piece to him whether he gets in a strop or not .

@LadyWhistledownsQuill

Could you encourage him to channel his love of dogs more appropriately - eg by volunteering at the local rescue centre?

There is no love. It's a want.

This sounds like bipolar tbh.

Good for you talking to the breeder, but he needs some kind of intervention to control the hypomania.

Since you know who the breeder is, I would speak with them. It may slow him doen. Plus maybe they communicate with others and can blacklist him?

It sounds like the mental health condition 'animal hoarding' to me.

Midwife

If the breeder is advertising on Pets4homes be prepared for them not to give a shit as long as your family member hands over the money 😔

We had friends like this. Got animals and then let them loose/animals got run over/abandoned. Then they decided to purchase two pedigree puppies who were totally unsuitable. I phoned the breeder, expressed my concerns and he was utterly dismissive.

At least I felt vindicated when they lost the dogs who finally turned up after months on the loose in a terrible state and surprise, surprise, ended up back with the breeder. Hope he realised I'd been right with my concerns 🙄.

Don't be surprised if the breeder ignores you - clearly money is more important than the welfare of the animal for some people.

Not sure I'd go for the softly softly approach. MH or not what he's doing is wrong and you should try and make him see how what he's doing is cruel.

I can sympathise with how difficult that conversation can be though. I have a relative who 'collects' horses in much the same way. None of them are neglected as such but one person can't manage 25 on their own and she won't listen to any reasonable arguments about rehoming a few.

@JensonsAcolyte

With respect - bipolar does not equal an irresponsible attitude to animals. Please stop that. There's loads of bipolar people in the world being very nice and responsible and caring marvelously for animals until they shuffle off this mortal coil. Now, animal hoarding and its various spin-offs, that's perhaps a component in this relatives behaviour.