To say something to this group

[Tealvelvet]

Posting here for traffic.

Back story met a group of mums hung out holidays etc for a number of years new girl introduced and I found myself on the outs. There was an argument nothing serious no lying cheating infidelity just familiarity breeds contempt and jealousy. After that I politely declined any invitations to go out as a group and made it clear I was happy to have one one on ones with others. They all dropped me bar 1. Anyway we got to the same social club our husbands and children remained friends.

It is very very awkward as they pointedly ignore me I usually wave or say hello if I’m in unavoidable close proximity but they do not.

So lock down was great didn’t see them but yesterday they were all there and again ignoring. I did wave on my way out they may or may not have seen.

I think a little wave or acknowledgment would make the situation just so much easier and less embarrassing when I’m with
My other friends and also a bit more adult.

So should I text them all and say ladies this is daft let’s just say hi at the club as I think this would make the situation more normal.

I’m not wanting to get back in to the group or to have an extended convo.

What do you think or any tips this is a bunch of middle aged woman I find it bizarre.

You need to stop trying with them. Whatever went on, you are out of the group and they feel strongly enough to not even be socially polite.

If they feel that way about you, there is no way they'd listen if you messaged them and asked for civility.

Whatever went on, you are out of the group and they feel strongly enough to not even be socially polite.

Good point I was just thinking on a politeness POV not really on how they may or may not be feeling.

I would keep smiling and waving and saying hi. If they want to be pathetic thats their problem.

It sounds like you're being passive aggressive.

You argued, told them you didn't want to see them socially anymore (except on your specific terms) and then you smile and wave when you see them in a group together.

Just ignore them.

@PenfoldPenny

I would keep smiling and waving and saying hi. If they want to be pathetic thats their problem.

Why? Just to make a point? I can’t see that it achieves anything.

I’d honestly just ignore them. You say it’s ‘awkward’, but isn’t it much more awkward if you’re stood there waving and smiling and they pointedly don’t respond? If I was with you at this social club, I wouldn’t even notice that there were people you hadn’t spoken to - but I would notice you trying to speak to people and them ignoring you. You’re just drawing attention to it.

This^
It sounds a bit cringe if you're waving at them and they ignore you tbh. Don't message them, no good will come from it. They don't sound very nice, ignore ignore ignore.

I’m not waving maniacally it’s just if I literally have to walk past a passing acknowledgment and a hello if it’s so close as to be unavoidable. I guess as I don’t feel any animosity so being Polite is natural. But as other people have said they clearly do so I get that more now. It’s especially awkward as the kids/husbands all pals.

Tbh I don’t know why you would bother.
You checked out of the friendship group and they didn’t want to go with the new terms.. or they are massive cows who are being led by the new girl.

Either way I don’t know why you’d waste more energy. Your kids will grow up and move on in a few years so you won’t have to see them anyway

If the husbands and children are friends then just re-think these women as acquaintances and continue to say hello. It must already be a bit awkward if your family and theirs are friends. If you feel aggrieved, don't let them compromise your norms for politeness.

No idea because you've described the conflict so weirdly.

I really think that, if we're talking about being childish, the way you handled the original argument was very childish.

I have a foot in a number of friendship groups and, should I ever decide that I don't want to stay in any of them, I'd withdraw gradually and discreetly as as not to fuel drama or burn bridges.

It sounds like you were vocal in your criticism. You expected to do that without repercussions yet here we are.

You mention jealousy in your op. On who's behalf?

@noatsunshinesontv you are entirely wrong. I was actually dumped. When it became apparent that friendship with main woman was not in the cards I was dumped. Had I been given a chance I would have said ‘I understand it puts you in a bit of a position so I’m happy to be as friendly or even just text/social media pals whatever suits THEIR terms not mine. I was in the middle of discretely disengaging which prompted a going over by main girl while others were not present. But thank you for your opinion :-)

Jealously I think from main girl no idea why but just the things she said to me which just sounded like it. Some of it was bizzare to. S honest

You must know why you think she was jealous of you

"So should I text them all and say ladies this is daft let’s just say hi at the club as I think this would make the situation more normal."

I wouldn't. Behaving as they do, they don't want normal.

I'd just ignore. Wouldn't even bother acknowledging them. Unless I was absolutely certain it annoyed them, then I might be all load 'Halloooo's .

@WhereYouLeftIt oh that’s an idea :-)