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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Two bedrooms / Three children

69 replies

FartleBarfle · 02/05/2021 09:14

I have an idea that instead of having a bedroom for my two girls (age will be 1 & 5) and one for my boy (age will be 7) , I put all three in one room with the wardrobes etc as a sleeping room, and turn the other room into a playroom for all their toys. My older two are really close and would love to share anyway.

Has anyone else ever done this and what are the pros and cons? My thinking is this will work for 3-4 years max, but at that point we would look to move to a larger house so they can all have their own bedroom. It feels like people might think it's a weird thing to do, but I can't think why right now.

Thanks for your honest opinions ☺️

OP posts:
PerspicaciousGreen · 02/05/2021 10:02

I think that sounds like a fab idea, but not for those ages all in together. I'd be perfectly happy to have the older two share, but I wouldn't put a 1yo in with anyone else unless I truly had no other option. Blimmin nightmare for naps, sneaking in to put the others to bed without waking them up, them not being able to wake up early and stay quiet... No way!

I've got a 3yo boy and a 16m girl and we plan for them to share but not for a year/18m at least.

You could always just... ask them? And let them know that if/when they don't want to share any more, they can talk to you and you can have a reshuffle. Just because the eldest is likely to want his own space in a few years time doesn't mean you can't have a lovely few years sharing first.

I'd split them with the older two in one room with all the itty bitty chokable toys and the baby in the other room with all the bigger safer toys. When baby's napping they can play in their room, otherwise they can choose to play in either.

user1493494961 · 02/05/2021 10:03

I take it the baby has been in with you and your son has his own room already. At the age of seven, I would leave him in his own room and put the baby in with her sister if this is a viable option (you know whether the baby is a good sleeper or not).

daisypond · 02/05/2021 10:03

It is completely normal for DC of different sexes of primary age to share a bedroom! They are five and seven, the perfect age for sharing!

TheGumption · 02/05/2021 10:03

What about baby nap time? Then the bedroom is off limits to the older kids which isn't really fair. I'd put older kids in one room and baby in the other, potentially the baby's room doubles up as extra play space.
Obviously the older kids will need their own spaces in the next few years. Maybe at that point the girls can share instead.

blueandcream · 02/05/2021 10:04

But you were saying the next 3-4 years OP which takes us from a five year old girl and seven year old boy to an eleven year old and nine year old which could be puberty and periods.

But in any event a sense of dignity and privacy isn’t something that magically emerges at puberty. I think most children start to get a bit more self conscious before that.

Original poster
FartleBarfle · 02/05/2021 10:05

@PerspicaciousGreen you are spot on. The older two want to share. They might like it for a couple of years and then we can review. I agree about keeping the baby stuff and little toys separate and hadn't thought of that until now. The main issues I have is the sheer volume of kids toys at the moment. I am not very good at decluttering their stuff as it all has sentimental value. I need to just get on and do it and then I can imagine my older two sharing and their stuff fitting in one room!

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 02/05/2021 10:05

I think the age gap is a bit big - I don’t think 1 year old sharing with 5/7 year old is a great idea. Also, as baby gets to 3/4 they will be incompatible toy-wise in a more obvious way.

I have a 3yo and 8yo - they get in nicely but little one is a tornado and older likes more specific orderly things.

MissDollyMix · 02/05/2021 10:09

During the first lockdown my ds 9 and dd7 (years 5 and 2) actually decided themselves that they wanted to share. Dd moved her mattress into ds’s bedroom and they shared from about April to September. They used DD’s bigger bedroom as a playroom. They are very close and I think wanted to recreate the past when they were younger and shared a room in our old house. I forced DD back to her own bedroom when they went back to school in September. She was devastated. Ds was ambivalent. In other words, this is not a long term solution. I wanted to be able to get them asleep at different times, ds wakes earlier than dd, it would be tricky when friends came to stay- especially for sleepovers, especially with a third child in the room.

Egghead81 · 02/05/2021 10:10

You want to do it
You’re going to do it
You wanted confirmation that you’re doing the right thing

I personally don’t think it’s a good idea

Egghead81 · 02/05/2021 10:10

3-4 years is a very long time!

Original poster
FartleBarfle · 02/05/2021 10:12

@Egghead81 wrong. That's very rude.

Based on some of the advice here I am going to have to give one of them away 😂😂

OP posts:
blueandcream · 02/05/2021 10:13

You have two girls and an older boy, I don’t personally know anyone who wouldn’t have the girls sharing and the boy in his own room. But I think egg is right, sorry OP.

Egghead81 · 02/05/2021 10:15

[quote FartleBarfle]@Egghead81 wrong. That's very rude.

Based on some of the advice here I am going to have to give one of them away 😂😂[/quote]
Very rude?

Goodness you have thin skin

ThatIsMyPotato · 02/05/2021 10:15

@blueandcream

But you were saying the next 3-4 years OP which takes us from a five year old girl and seven year old boy to an eleven year old and nine year old which could be puberty and periods.

But in any event a sense of dignity and privacy isn’t something that magically emerges at puberty. I think most children start to get a bit more self conscious before that.

That's true, it's not necessarily about puberty and your oldest daughter might feel more comfortable getting changed etc with your baby.
ThatIsMyPotato · 02/05/2021 10:17

people do like to think others are daft! no one knows what you are thinking or aware of so we're just pointing it out just in case.

Original poster
FartleBarfle · 02/05/2021 10:20

@blueandcream well egg isn't right as I am just thinking over some options available to us.

Some people on here have given some excellent things to consider that I hadn't thought of and I appreciate jt. I'm not just pig headedly going to force by children into situation that would cause them distress and embarrassment.

It does make logical sense for the girls to share but if my older two want to noe why shouldn't they for a little bit? I'm sure the girls can go in together once they littlest one is a bit older and then my son can have some space.

As I said this is not a permanent solution and we should only be in this disastrous situation where each child doesn't have their own room for another 3 -4 years. I didn't realise how few people had fewer rooms than children, but my husband and I grew up sharing with siblings (although same gender and closer in age) which is clearly no longer the norm.

OP posts:
Original poster
FartleBarfle · 02/05/2021 10:21

@Egghead81 not thin skin but do you always assume the worst of people?

OP posts:
PerspicaciousGreen · 02/05/2021 10:22

[quote FartleBarfle]@PerspicaciousGreen you are spot on. The older two want to share. They might like it for a couple of years and then we can review. I agree about keeping the baby stuff and little toys separate and hadn't thought of that until now. The main issues I have is the sheer volume of kids toys at the moment. I am not very good at decluttering their stuff as it all has sentimental value. I need to just get on and do it and then I can imagine my older two sharing and their stuff fitting in one room![/quote]
I know! We've just had Christmas and two birthdays and we parents bought them almost nothing (literally, for my son's birthday he just had we bought one book, a bubble wand and some jumbo chalk) and we're drowning. I have no idea how to go about decluttering with toddlers, because what I think are good toys long term and what they really like right now are sure to be different, but I don't feel like I can have a sensible conversation about it and I don't want to chuck stuff out by fiat. I just don't know how to productively frame it so a 3yo can understand the task and choices at hand.

Egghead81 · 02/05/2021 10:25

[quote FartleBarfle]@Egghead81 not thin skin but do you always assume the worst of people?[/quote]
No
I read posts and form an opinion based on the content

Original poster
FartleBarfle · 02/05/2021 10:25

@ThatIsMyPotato I wasnt directing at you. I appreciate the thought around the different needs for toys and agree that the littlest should be separate because of that first. Also agree that it would be better for my son to have his own room by max 9/10 (unless he wants to before). I guess we really might need to consider moving earlier than I hoped!

OP posts:
itsgettingwierd · 02/05/2021 10:31

@ThatIsMyPotato

people do like to think others are daft! no one knows what you are thinking or aware of so we're just pointing it out just in case.
If people actually read the thread it's very clear what she's thinking. It's in the OP!

All 3 share and move when eldest is starting secondary school and each can have own room.

Further posts indicate clearly she accepted about tots and baby and the elder 2 currently want to share.

I think if elder 2 want to share then go for it. If the option of splitting the room is there you can always put that up if they don't want to share anymore or move boy and 2 girls share.

Original poster
FartleBarfle · 02/05/2021 10:32

@PerspicaciousGreen I wish there was a guide on it! I feel terrible with the thought of getting rid of or selling toys that family members got them. But my family always buy things that are large in size and I have no space for! I have tried to push back but they think I am ungrateful. I mean we have a toy kitchen, a dolls house a barbie house, hot wheels garages, rocking horse and a rocking sheep, plus large Tonka trucks... And don't get me started on Lego - I need to start a separate topic on that 😂 it feels like a first world problem but I think it can easily happen if family members like to spoil kids.

The kids say they love them all of course...

OP posts:
Egghead81 · 02/05/2021 10:34

[quote FartleBarfle]@PerspicaciousGreen I wish there was a guide on it! I feel terrible with the thought of getting rid of or selling toys that family members got them. But my family always buy things that are large in size and I have no space for! I have tried to push back but they think I am ungrateful. I mean we have a toy kitchen, a dolls house a barbie house, hot wheels garages, rocking horse and a rocking sheep, plus large Tonka trucks... And don't get me started on Lego - I need to start a separate topic on that 😂 it feels like a first world problem but I think it can easily happen if family members like to spoil kids.

The kids say they love them all of course...[/quote]
I started doing an Amazon wish list and that’s brill. Family asks for ideas and I say no pressure but here are some thoughts, and send the link. I include really cheap bits through to bigger stuff.

But the key is - it’s all bits that I know they actually want, will be played with and not huge! It works quite well

Original poster
FartleBarfle · 02/05/2021 10:35

@itsgettingwierd

Thank you! I thought I was going mad here wondering what was going on 😂😂 I'm asking advice for a reason - to make the right decision for everyone. Definitely am clearer on the next steps now! X

OP posts:
Original poster
FartleBarfle · 02/05/2021 10:38

@Egghead81

This sounds insane, but I did an Amazon wish list for my children last year. I have one relative who is very generous but always goes over the top and I think they must have missed the kids due to Covid. They bought everything on the list. This included an expensive item that I had put there accidentally that I was planning to get as the main present. So when the other relatives went on there it was empty. I kid you not 😂😂

OP posts:
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