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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feeling resentful

39 replies

Motherofking · 01/05/2021 23:59

I feel resentful and jealous when I see other mums have the ability to do things like go to the gym , go socialise or even get their hair done . Ever since I have my baby 11months ago ive been his primary care giver and have never had any me time or the ability to leave the house alone . Im just starting to feel down and it's causing me to have negative feelings towards my baby. I love being his mum very much but I miss who I was. Im not saying I want my old life back but I want to be able to do little basic things like have a bath alone or go hair salon

OP posts:

Italiangreyhound · 02/05/2021 10:09

Ps obviously as one said ..."Unless it is dangerous to leave him with your dp..."

Italiangreyhound · 02/05/2021 10:10

Sorry. So many typos!!

Talk about any concerns he has and address them.

PicaK · 02/05/2021 10:15

You didn't know these things and you learnt.
Time for yourself is really important. It's not selfish. As the saying goes you can't pour from an empty cup.
His projects etc do not take precedence. Are you starting to fall into the trap of thinking he earns money so he must come first?
You need as much "time off" as he gets. Equal. Have this conversation now with him. Don't let it get further and further down the road.
As people say - plan an activity and just go.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 02/05/2021 10:22

Did you know what to do initially? Of course not you learnt on the job.

What’s the worse that could happen if your dh puts the nappy on wrong? Leave food and instructions on not what to give and go out. Leave them to it to learn together.

Your dh won’t do things the way you do and that’s ok but if you’re always around doing it, he’ll never learn.

Mellonsprite · 02/05/2021 10:28

Ok start now... book a hair appointment or whatever you want to do. the issue is with your partner and his inability to look after his child. Honestly it’s not rocket science to change a nappy, make some food and drink for the baby, and play with them for a bit. If he’s a fully functioning adult human being he will be perfectly able to do all this, he’s just choosing not to and you’re enabling him by going along with it.

Wheelerdeeler · 02/05/2021 10:32

I'd kick your baby's father out. He isn't a parent or a partner.

What if you decided you didn't want to learn how to look after the baby when he was born? What would have happened then?

Honestly its 11 months later. How can you put up with this?

Mydarlingmyhamburger · 02/05/2021 10:49

Of course your oh can take care of his baby! He just can’t be arsed when you’re enabling him to get away with doing nothing. Presumably you didn’t know what you were doing when you had the baby, you learn as you go along. He’s had the benefit of watching and learning for the last 11 months. And you’re making a rod for your own back not letting family look after the baby. No ones going to judge you for wanting an afternoon off for some self care.

Voomster953 · 02/05/2021 11:01

I can’t believe ‘fathers’ like this exist. How absolutely pathetic.

NerrSnerr · 02/05/2021 13:08

It's not hard to change a nappy, he'll figure it out. Same with feeding. This will not get better unless you make it change now. I have an acquaintance who cannot leave her 6 year old with her husband for any length of time as he does not know her 'routine'. It's pathetic but this is what will happen.

Pinkflipflop85 · 02/05/2021 13:29

He sounds absolutely pathetic. Why are you enabling him?

What would happen if you suddenly got admitted to hospital for a few days?

ViciousJackdaw · 02/05/2021 13:32

Presumably he knows that the baby needs feeding, changing and cuddling?

Plenty of women have DC without having done these things before. They simply get on with it (and do a bloody good job). Penis ownership does not prevent you from doing ANY of these things.

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 02/05/2021 16:22

@Howyoudoingirl

Go out & leave him to look after his child. He will figure it out. You really need to stop allowing this bullshit to continue.

Yes, I agree with this I'm afraid.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/05/2021 17:35

What would your partner do if you just said you were going out for a couple of hours? Do you think he would neglect your child?

I disagree that men need "teaching" what to do. Nobody "teaches" women, we have to bloody get on with it, I was a mum at 22 and nobody "taught" me. Fed up of men being infatalised.

Jiggyjigsaw · 03/05/2021 22:31

I feel that you trying to teach him how to do these things might be one of the things that is putting him off. It's not difficult and if he really needs help there are instructions on the pack an YouTube! He needs to find his own way, which might not be your way. Like others said, he might be nervous and it sounds like you have never given him a chance. You have to leave them alone together, it will do all of you good. What is the absolutely worst thing that could happen? The baby might cry for you or get dirty? None of this will harm him. When I read your opening message I thought you were in the same position as me, a lone parent without family and that isn't true at all, you seem to have options that you have never tried out. I'm a first time mum from the pandemic and I know it's hard and we have missed out on so much social interaction. Don't believe what you see online! This is all for show. Be confident in your child and others ability to take care of him, as others said the sooner you start the better. Good luck.

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