AIBU for expecting the fear to have gone now?

[Fearfactor]

Name changed for this as I’m super paranoid my last user name will be tracked but long time poster ‘Sisteen chapel screamer’ ect

My AIBU is I left my abusive and violent EXp nearly two years ago. We have spent time in a refuge but now settled in a new home but all be in a closeish area and the fear in me still hasn’t left and it’s slowly killing me.

I have two DSs who are my strength and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them. There has been recent disclosures from one of them which has led to the police being back involved and he is currently wanted by the police but has yet to be found.

I am terrified all the time, I don’t sleep the night and nap during the day. I check all the doors and windows several times a day and have spent an obscene amount of money on security in the house which I can’t afford. Both my sons are having specialist therapy and I’m also seeing a counsellor who has helped but I can’t shake the terror I feel.

I have horrible thoughts all the time and I physically shake with fear at night it’s exhausting and I don’t know how much longer I can feel this way.

Sorry for the long post I’m just feeling desperate.

Oh you poor thing - I'm so sorry I don't have any advice except to ask if you have seen your GP? This sounds absolutely horrendous but what a woman you are to get away and get your DSs out of there.

Thanks for the reply yeah I’ve spoken to them and been on anti anxiety medication for a long time but it doesn’t seem to work and when I go back to them they tell me what I feel is normal and it will settle! And as I’m on other meds I can’t have sleeping tablets which is a bit of a nightmare. Thanks again for the reply

Do you have space in the house to let a room out and have a flat mate of some kind, possibly female if you fear your abusive DH would react badly to a male lodger? Is moving further away an option? You shouldn’t have to live your life avoiding/ placating him but ultimately your mental well-being is paramount

That's so horrible to feel that way, I am so sorry.

Do you have alarms on your windows and doors? Do you have chains up at front and back doors?

My mum was in an abusive and violent relationship before my dad and always kept a baseball bat at the side of the bed.