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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want more for my daughter and expect more from my ex?

5 replies

maytherebepeace · 01/05/2021 20:44

Will try keep this to the point. Ex and I shared basically 50/50 custody of 7 year old daughter (upon ex insistence) until January there. I now have her full time and he sees her every second weekend and one night during the week every second week.

The reason we agreed I would have her full time was because his business got really busy and he was constantly late picking her up/letting her down/dumping her on other people.

My daughter has always had a close relationship with us both but since she's been with me full time our bond has definitely intensified. For instance she now says she doesn't want to go to her dads at the weekend, says all he does is work, and phoned me last night crying saying she missed me.

Yesterday her dad asked if I could keep her until 7.30 so he could continue working (he's meant to collect her from school and take her to gymnastics), I said that was fine. He didn't turn up till 8 pm for her, however he did apologise.

10 pm last night after some wine I get a phone call, the guy that works for him has let him down, he needs to work can I have her for 5 hours. So I said okay, she can round at 9 am, heard nothing from him all day, I phoned him at 3.30 and he said he was still working and wouldn't be finished until 5 pm...I said this really isn't on so he said fine I'll come and get her and drop her at my parents if you're going to make it a thing. So he came and got her, not a thanks.

As soon as she got to his parents she phoned me and was wanting to play a game on her phone with me so we did that for 45 minutes. Then at 7.30 she phoned me again, wanted to play the game on the phone, I asked aren't you going to spend some time with daddy? No daddy's tidying up.

I asked what she is doing tomorrow and she said dads friend is watching her.

AIBU to expect more from him? I feel guilty as she's hardly spending time with him at all and it's showing. She used to love going to dads house but I am definitely the preferred parent at the moment. I have now agreed on a Friday to take her to gymnastics after school to give him extra time working however this is not what we agreed through lawyers and I just feel he's taking the piss. But I also don't want to make my daughter spend extra time somewhere she doesn't want to be.

OP posts:
TillyTopper · 01/05/2021 20:49

Your poor dd, and it doesn't help you organise your time either. YANBU to expect more from her Dad, but probably you won't get it. The only advice is not to criticise him in front of her but just make an excuse saying something like "Your dad's got a lot of work at the moment" and reassure her he still loves her if she asks. It's completely unfair that he dumps her on ppl though whilst he is working.

maytherebepeace · 01/05/2021 21:31

I'm actually on the way to collect her now, she phoned me asking to come home and go back to her dads tomorrow morning and he agreed that was probably best as she's breaking her heart.

OP posts:
GettingItOutThere · 01/05/2021 22:05

sorry to say this but mabey she needs to stay with you overnights and he just takes her for the day etc?

i know thats harder for you with no break as such but i feel for your daughter in this situation to be honest!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 01/05/2021 22:14

Unless you had to work I wouldn’t have made him pick her up to be given to some one else to look after.

He needs to try and sort work out, although I appreciate it’s not always that easy in the current economy, so he doesn’t let her down or move the times to when he knows he can do.

maytherebepeace · 01/05/2021 22:33

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss I had plans to meet my friends.

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