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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do if.....

26 replies

Mangotango256 · 01/05/2021 20:19

You live with your mil and she is very overbearing and involved with you and your baby. Then she accidentally refers to herself as mum of your child?

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 01/05/2021 20:20

Move out.

Original poster
Mangotango256 · 01/05/2021 20:21

Sorry meant to the title to say how would you feel!

OP posts:
ThiagoSilvasToe · 01/05/2021 20:22

Move.

Cherrysoup · 01/05/2021 20:22

Any chance of moving out? Is your partner not telling her where to go?

TeenMinusTests · 01/05/2021 20:22

I think it must be very easy for Grandmothers to accidentally go into mum 'mode' if living with a baby.

Move out, or tolerance.

justthecat · 01/05/2021 20:23

Time to leave

StoneofDestiny · 01/05/2021 20:23

Move out pdq

TakeYourFinalPosition · 01/05/2021 20:24

*I think it must be very easy for Grandmothers to accidentally go into mum 'mode' if living with a baby.

Move out, or tolerance.*

This, I think.

Can you move out?
In the meantime, did your DP/DH correct his mum?

SonnyWinds · 01/05/2021 20:24

I'd move out.
I don't live with my mum but she's a bit like this. My son was crying once and she said "aww, come to mummy"... I glared at her so hard she actually backed away.
It's important to bear in mind that it's very hard for someone to switch roles from mother to grandmother, they're different jobs and if you're used to doing one then it takes time to adjust to the other. Understanding that she's not doing it to hurt you and probably doesn't even realise because she's on autopilot "mum mode". But, it's an insane amount harder for her to adjust to a grandmother role rather than a mother role if she's living with the baby.

BlueVelvetStars · 01/05/2021 20:25

Move out asap 🌼

NaughtyButNice · 01/05/2021 20:26

Get out of there as fast as possible.

Original poster
Mangotango256 · 01/05/2021 20:30

Thing is my own dm has a good sense of boundary and leaves me to be a mum. Where as with mil it's hard because she has always had some form of grandchildren living with her that she has partly raised.

OP posts:
Travis1 · 01/05/2021 20:32

Move out.

BeautifulandWilfulandDead · 01/05/2021 20:35

I accidentally called my DS Allan recently (that is not his name)! I would forgive the skip of the tongue.

Original poster
Mangotango256 · 01/05/2021 20:37

@TakeYourFinalPosition no dp wasnt in the room at the time. She also didnt actually say it fully, she was able to correct herself but not before I realised. I didnt say anything but havent been able to shake a bad feeling from it. Mil is quite much already with dc. She has started complaining that she doesnt want us to move out as she will never get to see her "baby" again and will miss her. I'm trying to sympathise but I'm finding it all abit suffocating

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 01/05/2021 20:38

If she did it once, well, ignore.
My ds has just called his (unappreciative) sister by the name of his best friend, they started talking about how people in school had called the teachers mum/dad/grandma etc.
It's easy to do a slip of the tongue.
If she does it a second time then speak up.

Sunny1112 · 01/05/2021 20:39

Time to get out op

Aprilshowersandhail · 01/05/2021 20:42

How long before you move out op?

AlmostSummer21 · 01/05/2021 20:43

Slip of the tongue & corrected herself. Jesus, she made a mistake.

Of course she's going to miss the baby when you move out! It's hardly a crime.

Youd probably think your mother was less perfect if you were living with her

BlueVelvetStars · 01/05/2021 20:45

OP its made you very uncomfortable, you need to trust your instincts in this, don't let anyone undermine you or belittle what you know you heard. 🌸

NakedBanana · 01/05/2021 21:11

Kids calls their teachers mum sometimes! Probably a slip of the tongue, but sounds like you're ready to move out :)

Original poster
Mangotango256 · 01/05/2021 21:37

@AlmostSummer21 of course she is allowed to feel that way I lost likely would if the situation is reversed but it's not okay to keep going on about it as if to make a point and make us feel bad for wanting to move on with our lives. If she said "I will miss you when you go" okay fair enough but not " I dont want you to move far away I'm going to be all allow I'm going to miss the baby cant you live locally"

OP posts:
Disneyforever1974 · 01/05/2021 22:00

I used to regularly say mummy instead of nanny when my granddaughter was visiting it was a total slip of the tongue and i usually corrected myself quite quickly and if I didn’t my DD would make a joke of it because it usually meant I hadn’t realised what I said. It was quite hard at the beginning because my youngest was 11 when my granddaughter was born so I was still in mum mode.

PurpleDaisies · 01/05/2021 22:03

Using the word “mum” is a total red herring. I’ve had loads of kids at school accidentally call me mum. I’ve called a colleague by my husband’s name and called my boss “honey” once. I would ignore that.

However, it seems like there are lots of other readings to move out.

BlueVelvetStars · 01/05/2021 22:09

I believe you OP 🌺