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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect help from my husband when he is home?

16 replies

ifthereisjusticeintheworld · 01/05/2021 19:05

My husband started working away in January. He works a physically demanding job, the pay is good and covers all the bills and he sends me money each week but the pay isn't enough to get help etc. He works away 11 days and is home for 3 days.

We have two kids, a 8 year old girl and a 3 year old boy. Since he's been working away I have gotten into a good routine with the kids but I really don't get a break from them. I also work 4 days out of the 7 so I am busy. On top of that, I have to run the house etc.

When my husband comes home though he really doesn't help with the kids at all, he's always tired, he will play with them etc but he doesn't help do any of the jobs. For instance yesterday I was running about daft in the morning making packed lunches, getting the kids ready, myself ready for work and he was just lying in bed on his phone. He then text me at work saying could he have a nap when I came in from work as he had the 3 year old for the 3 hours I was working in the morning.

I feel so much stress when he is due home as I need to get the house sitting nice as he doesn't like a mess, he won't outwardly say anything but has in the past and I can just tell by his mood.

We haven't had sex since he's been home and he's badgering me about that and I'm just so tired. I arrange a babysitter once in a while when he is home so we can have a night just the two of us but that's the only time I get kid free.

My brother and sis in law had the kids last night and offered to keep them tonight which I jumped at. He however was unhappy as he wanted to spend time with them but has been lying on sofa hungover and I've done all the running about.

AIBU?

OP posts:
osbertthesyrianhamster · 01/05/2021 19:06

It's not help. They're his kids and his family. He should be pulling his weight when he's home.

BonnieDundee · 01/05/2021 19:13

I wouldn't be having sex with someone who thought he was more important than me either. Coerced consent is NOT consent.

Twizbe · 01/05/2021 19:14

Not unreasonable at all. I doubt he is working 24hr a day for those 11 days. That means he has 10/11 nights of uninterrupted sleep. He has 30ish uninterrupted meals and god knows how many solo toilet trips.

Just because he works away does not mean he gets to absent himself from parenting or running his home.

Talk to him and make it clear he has to help. Give him set jobs that are for him to do when home. No excuses. Hold him to it

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 01/05/2021 19:16

Its really so much easier without these useless males cluttering up the place, making demands, having expectations and doing nothing.

Original poster
ifthereisjusticeintheworld · 01/05/2021 19:19

@WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo you're telling me Grin

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 01/05/2021 19:23

If he 'doesn't like a mess' he can do the tidying, can't he. Lazy, whingey bugger.

Merryoldgoat · 01/05/2021 19:23

I fail to see how this is a relationship of any kind.

RantyAnty · 01/05/2021 19:28

He sure has it made in the shade doesn't he.

Is this work away job permanent and was there a discussion with you before he took it?

I don't think I'd put up with it for long as if I got married, that meant I wanted them to be around most of the time and if they were going to work away so much and leave me to do everything myself, I might as well be single.

LagunaBubbles · 01/05/2021 19:30

Why are your grinning OP? 🤔 There is nothing remotely funny about what you're putting up with.

ILoveShula · 01/05/2021 19:37

YABU. He should be pulling his weight not 'helping'.
While he is working away you are doing all the parental duties.

backachesucks · 01/05/2021 19:38

This really doesn't seem like a marriage?

Original poster
ifthereisjusticeintheworld · 01/05/2021 20:14

To be honest I feel the same, I'm much happier when me and kids are just left to get on with it and not resenting him being there.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 01/05/2021 21:06

Leaving aside that he's affected the air of useless over worked provider who may baby sit to help you out but really just needs his dinner served him and his cock serviced, it doesn't sound like much of a partnership / relationship if he's home 3 days a weekend, sleeping in late, getting drunk and napping mid afternoon.

You'd probably be better off splitting up, him having the kids for one overnight a fortnight and not having to pander to his needs because he has a job don't you know and is very important

UhtredRagnarson · 01/05/2021 21:09

So you are his nanny and housekeeper.

Tobebythesea · 01/05/2021 21:25

That’s not on. You need a break as well. You need to talk with him. Would you go out for the day alone and leave him to it? I would certainly not be cleaning the house for him.

billy1966 · 01/05/2021 21:34

Selfish waster.

Life will be easier if you can go it alone.

So sad to read of so many wasters.

Life will be much easier.

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