To dread life going back to normal as I’ll have to work even harder to....

[ZebZeb]

pretend that I’m ok instead of anxious, depressed and feeling as though I’m failing at life. I’m 39 and was diagnosed with anxiety and adhd two years ago and I’m pretty certain I’m autistic but my local Nhs team won’t assess me due to the cost. Although i initially found lockdown hard I found retreating into my own bubble with my dh and our dc meant I could be myself. I didn’t have to worry about attending social events and seeing people all the time which drains all my energy. I know I’m weird,
I should look forward to being around people again but the thought of it fills me with dread.

You don’t need to attend any more social events or see people more than you are now. It’s easier when there are restrictions, without the dreaded FOMO, but if you want to keep spending most of your time at home then do it!

You don’t have to see anyone you don’t want to, though. I think a lot of people are resetting their lives, social, working and otherwise because of the past year, so you won’t be alone, surely. There’s no ‘should’. Even the public discourse about reopening contains a fair few references to not everyone being thrilled — I’ve certainly seen that from several journalists.

But if you’re still feeling so depressed and anxious, despite being able to ‘be yourself’ while staying in, isn’t something else going on?

I hear you op.
It’s expected that you should want to go out. My social anxiety is crippling and there are only so many times you can refuse invitations before people think you are rude or weird.
Working is bad enough but colleagues all want to go out to the Christmas do, socialise on birthdays etc. I’ve loved not having to panic and quickly think up an excuse on the spot. It feels like the pressure has been off over lockdown, people are starting to make plans again and I dread it.

I have a wedding to attend in July and I can’t really not go as it’s a close family member. Then there’s the hen party in June plus a few more events in august and September. I’ve known about them since March and I’m already dreading it all.

I’m anxious yes but mostly due to feeling pressured into going places I don’t want to. But also of my situation at home. I have two dc with my dh. Our ds is autistic and lately
his behaviour is chaotic more so than usual and can be very aggressive which is taking its toll on me.

Deal with FOMO (fear of missing out) once restaurants and bars etc reopen and once foreign holidays are allowed.

Seems everyone except me has loads of friends, loads of holidays booked and endless amounts of money.

Well I have neither of those things. I’ve booked a few days out with the dc but that’s about it and they’re at familiar places as this reduces the chances of my ds having meltdowns and having to take him and my ds home early.

I'll let you into a secret: You are a grown up and you are allowed to say no to things if you don't want to do them. That's it.

The wedding - I can understand that's an obligation you feel you must attend and I do get that. But the hen do? You can just say 'I don't want to go. I don't enjoy that kind of thing'.

I am incredibly sociable, but I get social anxiety about certain situations and events and so I just don't do them.
I know that the anxiety over how people will respond to you saying no is also very real, but if you do one thing for yourself work on being very OK with saying NO to things that you simply find too stressful.