To ask advice for a friend

[NakedBanana]

My friend has a 16 year old dog, let's call her Spot, who is remarkably old for her breed.

Spot is still eating and going on about a 2 mile walk a day. She can't go upstairs and sometimes has a bit of a wobble when walking. Spot seems happy.

However Spot can no longer control her bowels and every morning, her basket is covered in faeces and she has to be showered. She also can not go in the car as she poos there too.

Spot doesn't seemed to be too bothered. Spot has had a wonderful active life in a family of 4 kids.

Now my friend Sally, is a single parent of 4 kids under the age of 14, 2 of whom are twins.

Sally works full time and has had a terrible 12 months. As most of us have. Sally can't not visit friends or do anything as she can't have Spot pooing everywhere. Sally work from homestead the moment.

Salt is getting more and more depressed and is really struggling with working from home, the kids and the constant cleaning up of dog poo.

In my heart I think it is time to let the dog go, Spot has had a great life and really it's not going to be too long before she needs to be PTS.

Sally is wracked with guilt about Spot being PTS too soon, as she feels that Spot still has some quality of life, despite the fact that Sally hasn't got quality of life.

Am I being unreasonable to think yes it's Spot's time to go?

I'd like opinions from both sides so I can help support my friend.

What for it's worth I love her dog and have a dog a few years younger so know how difficult a decision this is. But I fear for Sally's mental health, and don't think this situation can go on much longer.

Really interested in everyone's opinions.

Is there a medical reason for the dogs incontinence which could be sorted? Or is it possible to get nappies for dogs? Pretty grim but better than cleaning up faeces every morning and all day long. That sounds horrendous.

What has the vet said about it?

It's time for Spot to go imo.
It really can't be pleasant for ddog lying in its own faeces overnight until poor Sally wakes and cleans it.
Ddog will also pickup on Sally's unhappiness and this will have an affect on him.

If Spot is still eating, going on walks and is happy, then no.. it is not time to let her go. The incontinence needs to be looked into though. There may be a simple solution for it.

I'd see if the incontinence can be treated first but if not then I would have to put to sleep. It can't be nice to lie in his own waste, I'd give him the dignity of letting him go.

This is very difficult. My ancient car became very incontinent and I absolutely hated it but like Spot she still had a reasonable quality of life. We plodded on until the end.

However, if discussions with the vet and reasonable adjustments ( dog nappies do exist) have failed to help then yes, time to say goodbye. Lying in faeces is miserable.

Euthanasia is the kind thing to do sometimes and doing it because you cannot cope is ok.

Spot needs to see a vet to see what they say.

The kids can help clean up the dog.

But in any case, I think it sounds like sally needs support- PTS of spot won't necessarily make her feel better/cure her issues.

She needs to take spot to the vet and ask their advice

What has the vet said? 16 is a remarkable age for a dog.

My apologies I should have made it clear in my OP, that of course Scot has been to the vet, many many times. Spot also has tumours/ fatty deposits (can't remember which) all over her body which the vet says, quite rightly, that she is too old to be operated on. Nothing can be done about the bowel problem .

Looking at Spot you can quite clearly see she's old, she's skinny, although she does eat had had these awful bumps all over her.

A PP mentioned that putting Spot to sleep wouldn't help my friend's mental health. However I respectfully disagree. Cleaning up dog poo for a couple of hours a day, not being able to go out and see fiends, is severely decremental to her well-being. Obviously I go visit her.

I think if I was Sally’s friend, I wouldn’t interfere. I would only say my POV if asked but Spot is her family and it’s her that is maybe the sacrifice so she knows whether she can go on with it or not.

Sally will know more than anyone how much spot is there. She will know the nuances of her personality and gestures. She will know there’s a lot more than a dog having bowel issues being a reason to pts.

You sound quite pushy. I think she loves Spot unconditionally and that’s why she does it. And cleaning up your loved ones shitty bed daily and not seeing friends may be really tough but to her it’s better than losing Spot right now.

Would Sally be happy living that way? Spending each night that way? Starting each day that way?

Eating is not a marker for quality of life. Appetite is one of the very, very last things to go before death and a) does not mean the dog isn't suffering and b) is grossly inadequate to say the dog has a good quality of life. Eating is an instinct.

If living with guilt will be intolerable for Sally then I don't follow the logic of waiting for the dog to reach such extreme levels of suffering that the dog is not eating or moving or able to mask pain anymore. All for her benefit so she can delay grieving. It does not make sense and is not in the dog's best interests.

The decision should be centred on Spot, not Sally.

Keeping an animal alive suffering needlessly because a human doesn't want to have to feel sad is unforgivable.

In the case the vet would have spoken to her about spot's quality of life. Your friend knows
It's different being a by stander in these situations. I'd keep my mouth shut, she knows it's coming. That poor woman

It's very difficult. My 83 year old dad had a labrador that lived way beyond the age that labs normally live and she became incontinent of urine just dribbling everywhere. It just became too much for him to cope with, the house smelt, but she was still active going for daily walks. He made the difficult decision to have her pts but we agreed it was the right thing to do. He had to replace carpets, sofas , everything.