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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you do this for a friend?

45 replies

2021healthissues · 30/04/2021 21:06

Hi, one of my friends has asked me to be their civil service counter-signature. AIBU to be hesitant after reading this online:

Such a countersignatory is likely to have credentials that can be checked and would have something to lose in terms of career or reputation by wrongly countersigning a NOMS application.

I am a nurse. I thought it would just be a identity verification- but I couldn’t really vouch for this friend in a work environment. Would you still risk it? Has anyone else been a civil service counter signature- what do they ask of you exactly?

OP posts:
saveforthat · 30/04/2021 21:40

But surely either you know this person and trust them, or you don't. Just answer any questions honestly and you can't go wrong.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 30/04/2021 21:41

I'm a nurse and have been asked to by friends to be a character reference for jobs. Have always said yes (as am confident I know who my friends identity and that they aren't psychos Grin), but have never been contacted for any further details.

Personally I'd sign it, but I know some of my colleagues get similarly stressed about things like this because they worry it will impact their job. Just ask her if you can read the form before you sign it?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 30/04/2021 21:45

Why would you back out? Is it your friend or is it someone you actually don't know and they are just some vague acquaintance?

The warning is about fraud. Eg you signing that the person is who they say they are and you've known them for x years, while actually not knowing them longer than a montha nd actually not even sure what their surname is.

Unreasonabubble · 30/04/2021 21:49

A personal reference is just that. It is how you know her personally. It is NOTHING to do with how she is at work. Is she honest, reliable, kind etc.

Original poster
2021healthissues · 30/04/2021 21:52

She’s a friend of mine from school but we haven’t properly spoken in a few years as our lives took different paths really, I moved away. So I know who she is but dunno if I would be best placed to provide a professional reference!

I’m sure why I’m feeling hesitant actually! I guess it’s just that bolded bit, but you’re right. If she nicks someone’s sarnies it’s not my fault Smile

OP posts:
MotherOfCrocodiles · 30/04/2021 21:54

I did this once a long time ago. Had to answer some questions about whether the person was a criminal/ did drugs etc.

I understood that You would only be in trouble if you lied (eg you knew she was a drug addict but said she was not)- obviously they can't expect you to know everything so if it turns out she was a serial killer before you met her, that's not your problem

WaltzingBetty · 30/04/2021 21:54

[quote 2021healthissues]@WaltzingBetty I have said a few times that I am more concerned about the personal reference aspect. I can verify her identity.[/quote]
What is the personal reference aspect? You don't say anywhere in your OP or other posts that she's actually asked you for a personal reference

You just seem to be speculating based on a google search

Why not read the actual forms and works to your friend to find out what she wants before panicking about something that she may not actually be asking.

Even if she did ask for a character reference why wouldn't you give one? I assume you've not chosen to be friends with a criminal?

Ideasplease322 · 30/04/2021 21:56

It’s odd she asked you if you don’t really keep in touch.

WaltzingBetty · 30/04/2021 21:57

@2021healthissues

She’s a friend of mine from school but we haven’t properly spoken in a few years as our lives took different paths really, I moved away. So I know who she is but dunno if I would be best placed to provide a professional reference!

I’m sure why I’m feeling hesitant actually! I guess it’s just that bolded bit, but you’re right. If she nicks someone’s sarnies it’s not my fault Smile

But that part in bold applies in all certification situations - signing passport photos etc. As long as you only certify something you know to be true why would it worry you?
Unreasonabubble · 30/04/2021 21:57

The other bit I mentioned in my first post was that you only have to give a personal reference if the particular government department asks for one. 9/10 times they don't! They do their own homework.

HuntingtonHaven18 · 30/04/2021 22:03

Hello OP,

I did this for a uni friend many years ago (for a role at GCHQ so a civil service kind of thing. They were successful and I ended up having an interview with someone who asked me about their life when I knew them. Political views, sexual experiences etc. Only if I knew anything . This was to make sure there’s was nothing that could compromise the position and potential blackmail material as they would be signing the secrets act. Things may have changed since then of course but civil service ‘references’ are different to others.

DotsandCo · 30/04/2021 22:03

Good grief...do you always massively overthink like this? It's a 'personal reference' not a professional verification for a brain surgeons job! Say yes...or don't...it's your choice!! But for goodness sake get some perspective 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

AlmostSummer21 · 30/04/2021 22:04

@Ideasplease322

It’s odd she asked you if you don’t really keep in touch.
Not really. It's harder for some people to find someone who meets the criteria than others. A SAHM might not personally know a lot of people in the correct professions etc
WaltzingBetty · 30/04/2021 22:07

@HuntingtonHaven18

Hello OP,

I did this for a uni friend many years ago (for a role at GCHQ so a civil service kind of thing. They were successful and I ended up having an interview with someone who asked me about their life when I knew them. Political views, sexual experiences etc. Only if I knew anything . This was to make sure there’s was nothing that could compromise the position and potential blackmail material as they would be signing the secrets act. Things may have changed since then of course but civil service ‘references’ are different to others.

Ummm... GCHQ isn't standard civil service
SchrodingersImmigrant · 30/04/2021 22:08

@2021healthissues

She’s a friend of mine from school but we haven’t properly spoken in a few years as our lives took different paths really, I moved away. So I know who she is but dunno if I would be best placed to provide a professional reference!

I’m sure why I’m feeling hesitant actually! I guess it’s just that bolded bit, but you’re right. If she nicks someone’s sarnies it’s not my fault Smile

You wouldn't be provoding professional reference and you are really overthinking.

The reason why she may have asked you is because it can be quite difficult to find an acceptable person to confirm your identity. Nothing more. And no. You wouldn't be responsible for anything including stolen sandwichesConfused How...

sonjadog · 30/04/2021 22:11

I give references all the time. You aren't being asked to assess them for the job, that is the interviewer's job. You answer a few questions about the person has far as you know them. For example, if they ask if you think they are reliable, then you say yes if you think they are in your own personal experience with them. You don't need to think what they are like in other settings that you don't know them in. The interviewers can ask for other references if they want to know that, or they can make that judgement themselves.

AlmostSummer21 · 30/04/2021 22:11

@DotsandCo

Good grief...do you always massively overthink like this? It's a 'personal reference' not a professional verification for a brain surgeons job! Say yes...or don't...it's your choice!! But for goodness sake get some perspective 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
How about you get some manners.
Original poster
2021healthissues · 30/04/2021 22:36

Just to clarify: I am 24; have been a nurse for 1.5 years and haven’t been asked to be a countersignatory before so have no point of reference. Essentially I wanted to seek clarity from those who have experience before I confirm I’ll commit. Thank you for those of you who were helpful and shared your experiences as I have a better idea of what to expect now.

And no. You wouldn't be responsible for anything including stolen sandwichesconfused How...

That was a jest reference to a previous poster’s comment who joked about the same. To the 2/3 of you who seem to be annoyed with me - as always, if you find this discussion frustrating just hide the thread.

@AlmostSummer21 thank you Smile

OP posts:
Chocoqueen · 30/04/2021 22:36

@HuntingtonHaven18

Hello OP,

I did this for a uni friend many years ago (for a role at GCHQ so a civil service kind of thing. They were successful and I ended up having an interview with someone who asked me about their life when I knew them. Political views, sexual experiences etc. Only if I knew anything . This was to make sure there’s was nothing that could compromise the position and potential blackmail material as they would be signing the secrets act. Things may have changed since then of course but civil service ‘references’ are different to others.

That would have been for their security clearance and would only be done if the friend is being cleared to a very high level. It doesn't sound like the OP's situation at all.

OP, I'm civil service and I've never had to get anyone to counter sign anything so I'm slightly confused about what you're actually being asked to do.

FunTimes2020 · 30/04/2021 23:08

You are over thinking, OP. I'm sure the person who verified Harold Shipman's passport photo didn't get any come back when his crimes were uncovered.

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