How do you share household duties when you work the exact same hours?

[mindjam]

So I'm going back to work in a months time. I will be working the EXACT same hours as my dh so I'm just wondering how do those of you in similar positions divvy out the household load.
I was thinking;
3 x making dinner each (1 night having take away)
laundry...If he can sort and put it in then I will take out and put away.
Hoovering- dh
Dusting- me
And then just a general agreement clean kitchen and bathroom as we go along

We also have 2 dc that can help a bit, they are 6 and 8.

What do you do? Thank you?

I get up with the kids, make breakfast and get them ready, he takes them to nursery.

I do most the laundry but he hangs it up 50% of the time.

I do 70% of the washing up and wiping up the kitchen, he does 70% of the dinners and puts the kids to bed.

I do most the general tidying but he does more childcare (we have a toddler who still needs a lot of input.).

We have a cleaner who comes in every 2 weeks and cleans the bathrooms and floor/hoovers, but we do a quick wizz around in between. probably 50/50.

We don't rota it out like that, but we just have a general implied rule that one of us shouldn't be sitting and relaxing while the other is working away. So one would clean up from dinner while the other does bedtime, one would cook while the other emptied the dishwasher and set the table or looked after small children etc. Give and take, basically.

Oh, and get a cleaner if you can at all.

Our split is:

• I cook whilst he washes up or tidies the kitchen or sets the table etc so we're still together the whole time.
• We put DC to bed together, bath time together, story time together etc. Then one of us grabs his clothes hamper and a wash will be put on by whichever of us happens to grab it when we go downstairs.
• He does the bins because he's a man and our marriage is apparently in the 1950s but I'm just not pro-equality enough to take the bins out haha.
• I do all the paperwork/admin (thank you cards, birthday cards, returning online purchases, doctors appointments (DH does his own but I do DC) etc).
• With the floors, usually one of use sweeps and the other is a room behind with a hoover, then the sweeper mops behind the hoover and the steam cleaner cleans behind the mopper.
• DH cleans the windows because he has issues and he waters the plants because they're his and he loves them and if I water them wrong then they'll die and he'll divorce me.
• I tend to tidy because I don't like clutter, DH tends to clean because he doesn't like dirt.

Thinking about this has really made me realise that we pretty much do everything together...that's weird. We basically don't have chores divvied up - otherwise I'd be all "why haven't you cleaned the bathroom because the sheet says you'll clean the bathroom on Tuesdays rah rah rah" and then he'd say "well, I went to Tesco and put all the shopping away and that's on your list rah rah rah". So, if we're both just adults who contribute a reasonable amount and do whatever needs doing then there's not really any issue. Like with your laundry plan - if I saw a load that was in the washing machine then I'd move it to the dryer, if DH saw it in the dryer he'd take it out and put it away. But if we had a set list of jobs we'd only do what's on our list and be annoyed if someone missed a job - it's just an argument waiting to happen imo.

I don't think my comment has helped at all - sorry!

We alternate who gets up to do breakfast so we each get an extra 20 mins in bed, then he does nursery drop off, I do pick up (I start earlier but we work the same hours).
He does 90-100% of the washing up, laundry and ironing.
I do 90-100% of the hoovering, dusting, mopping, bins.
We cook approximately 50:50 but we do a lot of batch cooking and then eat freezer meals.

He does almost 100% of bath/bedtime with our toddler and I do the general tidy up (toys away, tidy the kitchen)

Get a cleaner weekly for a,start

We don't rota it out like that, but we just have a general implied rule that one of us shouldn't be sitting and relaxing while the other is working away.

This. We just do what needs to be done... it's generally 50/50ish, but it's not that routinised.

I don't think a rota works that well, it depends which of you has strengths. At the moment, DH does all the cooking and I do all the laundry (actually at the moment I have HG so we basically don't have clean clothes but thats the theory). I think the goal should be, you both spend the same amount of time on household tasks and both have the same downtime, but some people prefer cooking. I do all the 'annual' stuff - setting up bills, insurance, bulk of the present buying - and he does much more of the day to day stuff because it reflects our interests/expertise. If you're both on board with trying to make it fair it should work out in the end.

Oh and we take turns to do bedtime, that one is very strict one night on one night off so our toddler knows that's how it is.

We've never felt the need to formalise it, but generally if one of us is doing something then the other one is too (and not lounging in front of the TV). The only thing that's always the same is that I do the washing and drying and he does the ironing and folding. We both clean, tidy, cook, wash up take bins out, change beds together, etc

I don't want to get a cleaner to be honest, it's just another person to remember to let a key out for or to pay. And my house would just look messy within 5 minutes so it would be pointless.

Just whoever doesn't have to work late does what needs doing. If we're both free, we both help.

One thing that you can set up from the start is you both taking on some of the week to week admin. Paying for school dinners and trips, activities, organising lift shares, online food shopping. When I was working we'd share the explicit stuff like washing up and bedtimes, but when we both collapsed on the sofa at 8 or 9pm I'd then start my "other jobs" of online shopping or emailing school, while my husband switched off. I didn't realise how much of this I was doing until I gave up work and suddenly could get that all done in the daytime.

Make sure you both get the emails from school, both join the year group FB page or whatever, and both take responsibility for copying term dates into the calendar etc etc.

@SonnyWinds we are exactly like you. So refreshing to read that.

I've literally tonight walked into the bedroom where he's emptied the basket of clean clothes and I've stood and folded and put away. No conversation required.

He cooked tea and I wasn't eating with the family tonight, so while they were eating I cleaned up, loaded the dishwasher.

And earlier when he was hoovering, I did a quick bathroom clean.

We have a cleaner every fortnight for about 3 hours who literally just gives a break for a few days.

You are so right if you try and control of plan etc that's where arguments start.

We don't actively divide it, we just kind do what needs doing.

I tend to tidy more. He tends to wash up more. I probably do more cooking, he does more bathtime with DD, I'm more likely to clean the bathroom and mop, he tends to hoover.

We split the school run 50/50.

Some days I feel energetic, some days he does ... and it all gets done.