To feel so in despair?

[MrsA2015]

March last year find out I’m pregnant with dd2 (long awaited) lockdown pregnancy and birth which was all fine thank God, but lockdown ruined a lot of the experience, we were all looking forwards to this year being one of recovery and getting to grips with a new way of life.

2nd week into 2021 MIL passes away completely randomly, 3 weeks later FIL passes too. Couple of weeks after someone I viewed as an “aunt” passes from cancer, today I’ve been told another very close family friend has stage 4 aggressive.

I just can’t anymore and feel wholly selfish for being down about it all the time. So much loss so much grief constantly streaming in. Even Philip dying got to me as all I could think of was another family going through what I’ve watched DH go and still going through. He’s only 31 and has lost both parents whom he dedicated his life to after me and the kids.

It’s so hard

Reading that back I really do feel selfish !

It's not selfish at all. That's a lot of loss in a short space of time, and while adjusting to another DC in the family under very difficult (Covid) circumstances. I'm not surprised you feel burnt out.

The only thing I can say is take time to be gentle with yourself. Accept that the house doesn't have to be perfect, the older DC is fine with beans on toast, and allow yourself to think, listen to nice music, and above all grieve properly for those you've lost.

What a tough time to have all of this happen. In normal times this would be hard but often the bereavement support isn't available or at least not in as easy to access form and it's much harder to talk to friends. It is entirely reasonable for you to feel like you do. Grief takes time and is different for everyone. If you're sad then that is OK. There are counselors you can be referred to through GPS. You're not alone and your not unreasonable. Give yourself time and space where you can. It's ok to put the DC in front of the TV and have a little cry. I've found walking helps calm my mind if that's possible for you.

Thank you for kind words, I did forget that it’s ok to just go for a walk with the pram. I was always out with dd when she was little. I’ve almost forgotten how to do “normal”. I just feel immense sadness for everyone around me at the moment. Dh especially.

For you 💐

That’s a lot for anyone to cope with. Both my parents in law died at an ordinary stressful time but it has got easier for my husband as time has gone on. After his Mum died we decided to do something positive that we thought she’d be pleased about. It gave us a focus and something to look forward to.

I’m so sorry for everything you and your family are going through. I don’t understand why you think you’re being selfish - you’re going through a lot of grief and letting go and you should give yourself a break. Hope things start getting better and more settled for you soon.

It's not selfish at all.

You're handling your DHs grief while layered under your own. Very hard. Take each day at a time and don't set goals/expectations for feeling 'better'. Time is a healer, but don't rush.

Thank you all for your replies, it has been so overwhelming I’ve not been able to register it all quite yet I don’t think. I suppose with time it will change, just for now it’s so exhausting & I needed somewhere to vent!

I'm so sorry OP, that would test the strength of anybody, pandemic or not. Take it easy and be kind to yourself