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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son and graduation tickets

23 replies

momtoboys · 29/04/2021 20:22

My oldest is graduating from Uni in a few weeks. The graduations have been set up completely differently since COVID and families are allowed two tickets. DH has a ticket because he works for the university. So I have two tickets. We had determined that one of my other sons was going to attend with me. Well, my son just texted and said "If you haven't already promised the ticket can Sally go with you to graduation?" I responded that my other son was using it and he responded "OK, that's fine". Now I', feeling guilty that I'm not giving the ticket to the girlfriend. AIBU?

OP posts:
ThetaSigma · 29/04/2021 20:24

Um, shouldn’t it be up to him who attends?

Woodlandbelle · 29/04/2021 20:24

I think I would talk to your other son to see if he really wants to go. Maybe he's fairly chilled about it.

User27aw · 29/04/2021 20:25

Its his graduation surely he should decide.

Aprilx · 29/04/2021 20:25

I think it is not your decision... it is your sons graduation!

Aquamarine1029 · 29/04/2021 20:25

Does your other son even care about going? I feel bad for your graduating son, he probably wants his girlfriend there.

Original poster
momtoboys · 29/04/2021 20:26

I guess it should be up to him. That is why I'm feeling guilty. I'm sure my other son wont care one way or the other.

OP posts:
LubaLuca · 29/04/2021 20:26

He gets to choose who's there. His brother will understand, and could well be glad to duck out of what is quite a boring ceremony.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 29/04/2021 20:27

This has always been the case at unis around here, two tickets automatically and the ability to apply for more.

I went to graduation with my then boyfriend - me and his Mum. His Dad was going to come if they got a third ticket, which they did, although if they hadn’t I’d have offered to wait outside for them...

Anyway, as you and his dad can go and there’s a spare ticket, I think he should decide who uses it. His older brother might not mind anyway.

KFleming · 29/04/2021 20:29

If I was your other son I’d be glad to get out of a boring ceremony. I’d have skipped my own if my parents hadn’t wanted to go.

It should be up to the graduate who he invites.

MadMadMadamMim · 29/04/2021 20:29

He wants his gf to come see him graduate, rather than his brother.

That's fair enough. It's his graduation and his choice.

And afaik graduates were always limited to two tickets each because of venue numbers, not Covid. It's caused numerous difficulties with blended families, etc.

Clymene · 29/04/2021 20:30

It should be Sally's ticket. I can't imagine one of your other sons is that bothered either. Not like it's a family outing

Cattitudes · 29/04/2021 20:31

@LubaLuca

He gets to choose who's there. His brother will understand, and could well be glad to duck out of what is quite a boring ceremony.
Yep, I haven't even been to some of mine because they are very long and boring. Does the brother want to go? Could they watch outside? It is a very proud day for the parents though.
themalamander · 29/04/2021 20:34

Yeah; it should be for his gf. I mean, it would be different if you, your husband and all your children were going and he wanted to kick one brother out to fit his gf in, but you say "one of my other sons" so you've got more kids who cant go and have just selected on child to get the ticket. What's the point in that? Give it to the gf.
I think "we have determined" is just a bit rude. He is an adult. It is his graduation. It is his choice.

Howshouldibehave · 29/04/2021 20:35

His brother will be bored stupid. DH (then boyfriend) came to my second graduation with my parents-my siblings were bored by their own graduations let alone coming to mine! Give the ticket to the girlfriend!

AnUnoriginalUsername · 29/04/2021 20:37

It's his graduation, they're his tickets, his girlfriend should be there.

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 29/04/2021 20:39

Ah, I’m jealous of your dilemma, DD’s graduation has been cancelled because ‘covid’. I don’t know how they can justify it if other Uni’s are going ahead.

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 29/04/2021 20:49

Definitely give the ticket to Sally. She’s his girlfriend!

Elsiebear90 · 29/04/2021 20:58

It’s not your decision to make, it’s his graduation, no way in hell I would be letting my mum dictate who I could invite to my own graduation. When you say “we had already determined” who is we? You and your husband or you and your son? It’s very odd to me that you would think you can choose who attends his graduation rather than him Confused

UCOinanOCG · 29/04/2021 20:59

His graduation so he chooses who attends. I am sure his girlfriend will enjoy it better than his brother will.

Original poster
momtoboys · 29/04/2021 21:07

Update - I reached out to son and told him it would be great if the girlfriend attended graduation with me instead of his brother but that she would not be able to join us for the celebratory dinner because of COVID regulations and we can only have a party of ten (unless he would like to rethink the attendees). He responded "No, that's fine. I think she will be with her family anyway.' I feel better that I was able to come around to that. Thank you for the comments.

OP posts:
Original poster
momtoboys · 29/04/2021 21:09

@Elsiebear90

It’s not your decision to make, it’s his graduation, no way in hell I would be letting my mum dictate who I could invite to my own graduation. When you say “we had already determined” who is we? You and your husband or you and your son? It’s very odd to me that you would think you can choose who attends his graduation rather than him Confused
The "we" was the graduate son and me. We had already discussed this and he had wanted his brother to come previously.
OP posts:
Original poster
momtoboys · 29/04/2021 21:10

@TakeYourFinalPosition

This has always been the case at unis around here, two tickets automatically and the ability to apply for more.

I went to graduation with my then boyfriend - me and his Mum. His Dad was going to come if they got a third ticket, which they did, although if they hadn’t I’d have offered to wait outside for them...

Anyway, as you and his dad can go and there’s a spare ticket, I think he should decide who uses it. His older brother might not mind anyway.

Take you Final - just out of curiosity, are you still with the boyfriend from that graduation?
OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 29/04/2021 21:54

I’d let the girlfriend go as it’s his ceremony.

It’s six for a gathering so he can choose which five others attend surely as an adult himself.

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