Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

I can't make myself care

25 replies

tetrisdiet · 29/04/2021 18:12

In 2019 I had a really shit year. I won't bore you with my sob story but we all have a breaking point and apparently that year was mine.

I feel like a stranger in my own life, I don't care about anything. There is so much about my life that is either good or totally within my power to change and improve. I've always been driven and motivated and now I am not at all. I'm self employed WFH (always have been), obviously covid has changed things for a lot of people but if I wasn't working in this way I would have been fired because my effort levels and performance have been so piss poor. I have earned less because of my effort levels but still have a job basically.

I feel sad all the time. I just can't be bothered to do anything. Today I've done nothing. I don't want to do anything.

It's hard to explain but I feel like the person I was has totally disappeared. The person that did stuff and had energy and plans and things that interested them is totally gone. I am nearly 40 so it's not like I've never had problems before but this is different. I was so stressed in 2019 I think maybe my mind has tried to protect itself by making me into a zombie.

Has anyone every felt like this? What can I do to reconnect to my life?

OP posts:

rosemary35 · 29/04/2021 18:13

Sounds very much like depression, you should speak to your GP

Shinesun14 · 29/04/2021 18:13

You're burnt out. People throw the phrase around a lot, but you're actually burnt out and you probably need around 3 to 6 months off work.

Original poster

tetrisdiet · 29/04/2021 19:04

@rosemary35 I did wonder about depression but sometimes the symptoms they list are so general. My current GP is a bit rubbish but I am in a new area so switching is something I need to get on with.

OP posts:

DanaCScully · 29/04/2021 19:29

I came across this article today. It might be a better description of how you’re feeling. www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2021/04/19/well/mind/covid-mental-health-languishing.amp.html

Original poster

tetrisdiet · 29/04/2021 19:38

@Shinesun14 from doing some reading burnt out seems to fit. I had always thought that meant exhaustion but it seems like it encompasses feeling disconnected as well. Thank you for the heads up.

OP posts:

ClaudiaApple · 29/04/2021 19:57

I feel a lot like this OP, your words resonate quite a lot with me. I am in my early fourties and find most things pointless or tedious.

The one thing that always brings my mood up, and makes me feel better again is physical exercise.

I make sure I go out running twice a week, and it is enough for me to keep my mood level high enough.

Have you thought about maybe going out walking, or even jogging? it's an exercise that you can do by yourself and don't need much planning or worrying about what might happen

Original poster

tetrisdiet · 29/04/2021 20:13

@DanaCScully that's an interesting article but there's just parts that don't fit, like the fact that I don't feel joy or enjoyment at all, even if it's in a situation where I normally would. Covid hasn't helped matters very much but my life has been much less effected by it than most people I would say.

OP posts:

EducatingArti · 29/04/2021 20:14

This does sound like depression or possibly even a physical issue like underactve thyroid. See your GP

Oneweekleft · 29/04/2021 20:52

I can relate to that OP. Probably for 6 months i felt like that and have just started to come out of it during the spring. Are you religious/spiritual OP? Ive found that connecting with my religion again has given myself a renewed sense of purpose. Some days i do find myself slipping back into that numb state again though. I think its kind of a protection from getting hurt again. If you dont care about things then nothing can really effect you either way happy or sad. That's how id describe it. Maybe check your lifestyle what media are you consuming. Too much news numbs me. Slowing down and being in the moment helps me. Keep exploring whats going on. Dont sleepwalk further into a passive state or you will regret it down the line.

Awarsewolf · 29/04/2021 20:54

Could be a type of PTSD? You’ve mentioned a shit year and guessing of mind protecting itself so it sprang to mind

Hankunamatata · 29/04/2021 21:20

Anti depressants really helped me. My other thought is peri menopause if your having any other symptoms.

twoshedsjackson · 29/04/2021 21:26

I helped a good friend through a phase like this; she soldiered on through a terrible time, then seemed to collapse when it was coming to a close. When she finally saw the GP, she was given antidepressants, and it was explained that stress had depleted a chemical from her brain, which had to be gradually replenished.
Another thing which seemed to help was natural sunlight.

Gingernaut · 29/04/2021 21:30

Anhedonia is the total lack of joy.

It is one of the major signals that you are depressed.

Doing something you used to love feels like you're going through the motions, motivation to do even essential things goes out the window and even when you complete a task, there's no satisfaction.

Please call your doctor.

babsnet · 29/04/2021 21:32

[quote tetrisdiet]@DanaCScully that's an interesting article but there's just parts that don't fit, like the fact that I don't feel joy or enjoyment at all, even if it's in a situation where I normally would. Covid hasn't helped matters very much but my life has been much less effected by it than most people I would say.[/quote]
Just because others have had it worse, doesn't make your feelings any less valid. Mental health doesn't work that way

HowManyToes · 29/04/2021 21:36

[quote DanaCScully]I came across this article today. It might be a better description of how you’re feeling. www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2021/04/19/well/mind/covid-mental-health-languishing.amp.html[/quote]
Excellent article, thank you for sharing.

TheMoth · 29/04/2021 22:01

I spent years feeling like this. I found the early years of my job v v stressful, then suddenly....I didn't care. This coincided with having babies and, I think, changing my pill, so I'm not sure what was what. It's a complete absence of feeling and makes life much easier than the ups and downs. I remember a colleague telling me that that it was an extreme stress response. But could have askari been pnd or the pill.

I came off the pill a couple of years ago and am now taken by surprise by the surges of emotions (not all good) that I get. However, my response to stress is to shut down all emotion, get my head down and just get through. I'm mainly truly happy/ at peace on my own, reading or running when I'm in the state.

Milkywaystars · 29/04/2021 22:20

www.mind.org.uk/

Get in touch with MIND, the mental health charity, as they have lots of resources to help you.

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/talking-therapies-medicine-treatments/talking-therapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/

Fyredraca · 29/04/2021 22:47

Feeling no pleasure or enjoyment in things that you used to enjoy is definitely a symptom of depression.
See your gp they can help you

Ivycrescent · 29/04/2021 23:45

Yes. I felt like this. I burned out completely through overwork.

I took 6 months off. I took it as unpaid leave from work. I spent the first 2 months at my mum’s house, being ‘looked after’ (I was 27 but I needed some TLC as I wasn’t giving it to myself). Then I went to do voluntary work abroad for 3 months. Something totally different to my usual work. Total change of scene. Conservation focussed. Not too stressful, gave me back some excitement and wonder for the world. I started to feel fully ‘myself’ again about three weeks before I came home. Final month was December, so I spent it back at home with family over Christmas.

After this I returned to my job in January without difficulty. But, I realise I was VERY fortunate to be able to take this time out.

Although I am happy again and recovered emotionally, I have never been as strong a person since. I can definitely say it broke me. My innocent enthusiasm left me that year. I’m now like a vessel that’s been glued back together. You can only fill me half full of water and under strain I will crack. I am less resilient. I am better at knowing my limits though. That’s what happens when you push yourself till breaking point.... you break... and you can never take the same strain again, and have to learn to be gentle with yourself.

sending you hugs

Maggiesfarm · 30/04/2021 00:45

I have been like that, op. Honestly, it does pass eventually. One day things are just different and you start to engage with life again. It's horrible to live through at the time though. Helps if you sleep easily.

Ijustknowitstimetogo · 30/04/2021 00:50

I think you will probably need an SSRI antidepressant to help you get out of this. It changes your frame of mind.

Maggiesfarm · 30/04/2021 05:07

It can also mess with your mind, and body, and make things worse. If the op can get through this without drugs, maybe with the help of counselling, it would be better. It is depression, there's little doubt about that from what the op has said.

therocinante · 30/04/2021 05:14

Feeling no joy is called anhedonia and is a pretty central symptom of depression - go to the GP, you don't need to feel like this. If you're depressed in response to a horrible year of your life then it's very likely to be responsive to treatment ☺️

Timeforabiscuit · 30/04/2021 13:45

I always named these periods fallow times, just acknowledging you've been through a shit period and are going to need some time to get your oomph back.

I prefer to do solo projects in fallows and just be done with people for a bit - after a couple of months I start to pick back up again.

Original poster

tetrisdiet · 01/05/2021 14:52

@ClaudiaApple I used to go running regularly actually but then my leg got injured and then I had another problem that made walking very hard and painful but both problems have lifted a bit now and I can walk every day. Nothing impressive distance wise but better than I have been. It does have a good effect, I think all the time without that has not helped things.

OP posts:

Flip