What do you do with the parent who doesn’t believe their DC could possibly be in the wrong?

[Hellomylove]

Bit of background.

DC is 10yo. Their best friend can blow hot and cold to the point where on occasion has been very spiteful and upset DC.

I’m friends with the mum and on a recent occasion her child was incredibly nasty to my DC. The teacher was aware this had gone on but hadn’t addressed it in school. I addressed it with her over text saying they’d had a fall out and I wasn’t sure what had happened.

She basically replied saying her DC hadn’t done anything wrong and wouldn’t acknowledge the upset.

How do you deal with this situation?

Leave them to it. The children will be friends on and off forever. You’ll end up stewing/falling out with the mum, dc will be best friends again.

Don’t ever ever approach the parent over the child’s behaviour. No good comes of it. I speak from experience!

I would leave it to the school to sort out, speak to the teacher again. I'd also encourage my child to play with someone else.

Parents trying to figure out whose fault it is is bound to end badly. You only have one side of the story too. Encourage them to play with other people for a few days. IME teachers tend to have a knack of encouraging them to move past it without getting bogged down in who exactly did what to whom first. Ask teacher to have a word with them or leave it alone.

Like you, the other parent is only getting one side of the story!

Move on, your child’s emotional well-being takes priority over your ineffective friend.

Defer to the teacher. I mean it's possible both boys are being as a bad as each other? Whatever the situation, it never goes down well to bring children's fall outs to the parent.

It is frustrating if a parent will never see fault in their child. You're essentially banging your head against a brick wall.

I used to work as a primary school teacher and some parents (thankfully the minority) refused to believe their child had ever done wrong, often arguing with me if I brought up bad behaviour. Everything was another child or teacher's fault, a complaint was once made that I was picking on a child because I made them miss some of their break. This was a consequence of covering the toilet ceiling in wet toilet roll! It really doesn't help the child in the long run.

Hopefully the teacher will keep an eye on the friendship and mediate if necessary and be alert to any bullying.

Teacher should sort it. I been to the parent on 2 occasions. First was fine as her son was a naughty little lad and she knew he would hit kids, the second time it ended badly I'm still dreading the day I see her in the street. Her angel didn't mean to punch mine in the face and split his lip open 🙄🙄

I'd avoid the parent beyond whatever contact is absolutely necessary. You won't convince some parents that their child isn't perfect, and you shouldn't even try. It's a waste of time and energy.

I'd put my focus on my child instead. Support them. Be sure they know to stand up for themselves and that they don't have to stay in close contact with someone who is no longer behaving like a friend. They aren't a bad person if they decide to not be close friends "forever".

If future problems arise at school, go through the teacher and don't even contact the other parent. The school can deal with them, instead.

@MsTSwift

Don’t ever ever approach the parent over the child’s behaviour. No good comes of it. I speak from experience!

This. There's no point especially if it happens in school/childcare/hobbies. Let the relevant adults deal with it and move on. If the relevant adults haven't dealt with it, talk to them, not the parents.

The only time to talk to parents direct is when it happens when you are with them and they ignore it.

I would always expect the school to deal with it; and if they don’t; I would follow up with teacher asking them to sort it.

Always keep it factual and not personal. I wouldn’t engage with the parent directly.

This is Mumsnet. We usually marry them.

Nothing you can or should do. You won’t get anywhere with her.
Encourage your daughter to establish boundaries and preserve her self-esteem. She doesn’t have to be ‘friends’ with someone who is nasty or unkind to her. Tell her that. Even if she doesn’t seem to listen, tell her that. The advice may not have the desired effect today but if you keep reiterating it as she grows, it’ll have an impact on how she conducts her friendships in the future.

Leave it to the school.. Ime always. Encourage ds to have other friends.. Keep your friendship adult only...